Found out one week ago. Found this site. Started 180 immediately and getting my balls back and opportunities to set boundaries. Stopped sex by saying I don't want to do that right now.
I wanted to get my balls back and show some manhood since I am a nice guy husband. I actually made some progress here I think. I did some work this summer to be more helpful and present. Emotional affair was probably going on for six months befor sex three months ago. It is a guy from her hometown which requires a flight across the US. She visited in June and then a couple of weeks ago.
She knows something is up. She is now working me. Only one week has gone by and she asked me yesterday if I was going to draw up papers....which I know was a test. My question is, she thinks her secret is safe today when should I let her know I know?
Married 15 two kids 14, 12
H (me) 52, W 42 M 15 D14, S12 PA June and Sept 2016 Found out Sept, confronted Oct NC with OM since Oct, remorseful Dating since Nov
To put in perspective we were having sex three times a week for the past year. I never turn down sex. And I would have said we have a great relationship. I think she is a WW... Now out of the blue so to speak I have changed. Since she does not know I know..... I assume I have the let her know so we can face the truth. I assume she will not volunteer the info.
H (me) 52, W 42 M 15 D14, S12 PA June and Sept 2016 Found out Sept, confronted Oct NC with OM since Oct, remorseful Dating since Nov
I want the add I did the fixing of myself this summer and being more present etc.and learned from this site to not over do the good husband stuff. Be a man. So looked for opportunities to do that this week. I did the detachment immediately. Assume that will hard for readers to believe. And I can do more. But my behavior changed overnight and has been noticed. Although I am sure I am the enemy today but only because of this website. I admit I was unknowing before.
H (me) 52, W 42 M 15 D14, S12 PA June and Sept 2016 Found out Sept, confronted Oct NC with OM since Oct, remorseful Dating since Nov
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely: Consider this your homework.
Welcome and sorry you are here. You sound like you are in a good place though.
Do not tell her you know about the A.
You will find a lot of good support and advice here. Keep doing your 180s.
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
M 55 W 52 MR 32 T 34+ D29 BD May 8, 2016 - She moved out ILYBNILWY May 15 (Through email) No EA/PA August 23 - DB used against me in every way Divorce July 18, 2017 - Life is getting better every day
I'm sorry about the situation you are in, but glad to read that you are taking control over your life and doing the right things.
I don't know if others will agree with me, but I would consider your secret drinking and spending on joint credit cards as a form of infidelity. She may know a lot more about your drinking than you think. So perhaps in her mind, you have cheated on her with alcohol and betrayed her financially. That could help explain where she is coming from. For you, an affair with another person may feel very different, but to her, you left the marriage before she did.
It's just something to consider when you try to figure all of this out.
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
don't know if others will agree with me, but I would consider your secret drinking and spending on joint credit cards as a form of infidelity. She may know a lot more about your drinking than you think
Is there a thread I missed?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
