Cherry. He's gone, but the drama has not

[Cherry]

Thanks painter. I truly am, my family are being a great help with S, even though they don't live local, they've took him at times and they are constantly in contact. I also have a relative who is an attorney specialising in mental health, he's been a great support helping and advising on what can be done. He said the behaviours are textbook clinical depression and he needs help. Me and mil are also leaning on one another in this time.

Right now, it's painful to see someone you love so fragile, so unrecognisable. this isn't about saving my m anymore, this is about saving him.

Maybe I'm in self protect mode, and I've put all my feelings aside and operating on autopilot. First and foremost I'm protecting my child, and looking after me and the unborn child.

It's like wayward on speed. I'm interested to know if any other people have experiences of a wayward that's gone suicidal. I mean he has what he wanted right now. Everything has gone to his plan

[Surfer]

Cherry,

You couldn't make this up! I hope you are able to find some kind of Northern Houmour in you - you know the kind, when you think .....WTF!

Well done in reading up on this and recording him. I was going to suggest the recording when I messaged yesterday but I thought it might sound devisive to you. I am pleased you did.

I can see you really caring for him coming out in this. Whilst I really feel for you and him, I can't decide if he is:

1 - Unstable
2 - manipulating
3 - both

If unstable. Could he harm you? Do you need to change locks etc? It doesn't sound that way but think about it. Are you sure he is not taking drugs - say smoking weed etc? Have you smelled anything on him?

Something has really flipped his switch. Is happens around the point of leaving in some cases. My W looked mentally ill. Her friends were even saying hey were worried for her. She looked mentally ill. It could be a phase.

Surfer.

[Vanilla]

Cherry

Please don't try to save him.

Leave that to the professionals.

It will be clear in due course if he is decompensating or manipulating.

I am here with hugs and listening.

V

[PsySara]

It is not for you to save him. He needs professional help and therapy to develop good coping skills. This where it is vital that you lovingly detach. You let him know that you love him unconditionally but that he MUST seek the help he needs. He has no idea what he wants, he is floundering. You must not swim in and try to tread water with him, he'll pull you down. Instead toss in the life preserver (someone who is a professional) and let him swim to shore.

[Cherry]

He doesn't seem on any drugs at all. No smell of alcohol of drugs. He just seems mentally as though something snapped. After he told us he could easily get the police off his back, I called for an update and that is what he has done. I said but this is exactly what he said he would do. We have had 2 years of this with him. But he hasn't ever thrown out a plan of suicide. I told them of the recordings of him clearly sounding erratic, angry and him outlining his plans. But they take his word. My next step is to contact the mental health team in our area and seek advise. I know I can't save him, and I know he needs to seek help himself. But I know that he seems even darker than he ever has and I am worried for his wellbeing, and for my piece of mind, I need to try all I can in my power to help him. Or god forbid, if he does something stupid, I would never forgive myself.

Don't worry, aside from being concerned for him, I've looked after me and kept S happy.

[SH_]

Or god forbid, if he does something stupid, I would never forgive myself.

My dear Cherry, please do not set this expectation for your self...there would be nothing to forgive yourself for.
He alone is responsible for his actions and you have gone above and beyond...
I would expect nothing less from you as I have gotten to know you in these months.

I don't have any advice nor thoughts as you are doing all that anyone could hope to do under the circumstances.

You are a truly brave and strong young lady.

“The strength of a woman is not measured by the impact that all her hardships in life have had on her; but the strength of a woman is measured by the extent of her refusal to allow those hardships to dictate her and who she becomes.” -C. JoyBell C.

You and your family are in my prayers.

(((((Cherry)))))

[Cherry]

Thanks SH. It's so tricky with db and knowing wether to take this as trying to grab attention as not much else has managed to get one so far, or to take the risk and take it as someone being serious. He told me when I met him that he had suicidal thoughts in the past and had been in a very dark place. He apologised to his mom for a whole load of issues in her life that haven't been his problem at all. I know he needs to be willing to get help. He's said himself that he doesn't have that urge to fight for himself anymore.

All I can do is leave it to him and the professionals and hope he finds the drive in himself, for the sake of his children.

And thank you for the quote SH. I've found more strength in me the last couple days I didn't even know I had.

[SH_]

Thanks SH. It's so tricky with db and knowing wether to take this as trying to grab attention as not much else has managed to get one so far, or to take the risk and take it as someone being serious. He told me when I met him that he had suicidal thoughts in the past and had been in a very dark place. He apologised to his mom for a whole load of issues in her life that haven't been his problem at all. I know he needs to be willing to get help. He's said himself that he doesn't have that urge to fight for himself anymore.

All I can do is leave it to him and the professionals and hope he finds the drive in himself, for the sake of his children.

And thank you for the quote SH. I've found more strength in me the last couple days I didn't even know I had.

The last section of DR for the depressed spouse says to do exactly what you did.
Now I would expect that you can pull back a bit, especially now that he moved out. you took it seriously...if it is an attention grab, then you are in a good place as you are not living together.
I would encourage tat you do not worry if it is real or attention grab as that is for him to handle.
You did exactly what you should have, Dbing and as loving caring person.

Be sure to care for yourself...worry and anxiety will not benefit you... easier said than done, I know. the good thing is you took action and you don't have to guess now.

My heart is just so heavy thinking of you having to take on this after all of it so far.

(((((Cherry)))))

[Cherry]

Thanks SH. I shall revisit that chapter of db and refresh myself.

Yeah, him not living here is both and advantage and a disadvantage. The bad part is that I now have absolutely no idea as to what he has done or if he is well. But the distance can help with pulling back.

I'm taking care of me and my babies. Making sure everything carries on as normal in my household.

[SH_]

Thanks SH. I shall revisit that chapter of db and refresh myself.

Yeah, him not living here is both and advantage and a disadvantage. The bad part is that I now have absolutely no idea as to what he has done or if he is well. But the distance can help with pulling back.

I would encourage that you think of it simply as an advantage.
It will give him space to do what he needs too get straight with himself if he chooses.
The distance will allow you to be outside the ring of toxicity and you will heal and gain strength much from this.
It is not your responsibility to ensure that he is well...he is an adult...and I know that your heart will tell you that you should protect him, but listen to your mind as well...it will tell you that you have done all that you can to this point...you are the mother of 2 that do need you and that you are responsible for...pray for him...this is in your power...this is all that is left for you to do at this time.

I'm taking care of me and my babies. Making sure everything carries on as normal in my household.

Spoken like the true Warrior Queen that you are...

She could be gentle, kind and loving but let no one be fooled – she was a Warrior Queen who had the strength and courage to conquer all that life tossed her way. Queenisms