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Joined: Aug 2015
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I feel like I'm following in some of your same footsteps! Not exactly, but close enough.

I needed to see this right now & keep hope that my H & I will take the next step in reconciliation as well... some day!

Hope things continue to improve for you!


Me:46 H:42
T:7 M:5
MD(H SD):24
MS(H SS):19
MS(H SS):13
Separated on & off most of '15
WAH last left 8/15
WAH changed locks & Bank account of joint business 8/15
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 20
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He wants to he friends! Help... should I be a friend back? I want my husband back not a roomate/friend...

hmc #2646228 01/23/16 11:21 AM
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hmc,

Friends do not treat friends the way these people do. Friends to him is like friends w/benefits. He wants to come across to others as the good guy and be able to tell others that you are okay w/the way everything went down. He wants to keep the door open so that if he needs something, you'll drop what you are doing and accommodate his needs (whatever he wants or needs at the moment).

Sure, you can remain civil and/or friendly, but I hope he doesn't disappoint you w/his definition of being friends.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
job #2708595 10/06/16 07:32 AM
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Something isn't clear to me. When we talk about 180, are we talking about changing personal behaviors to the opposite, or are we talking about "The 180" mentioned here?:

https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/

If they are different it might not hurt to have a sticky in this forum explaining that because a lot of us may have come across "the 180" and think that this is what this forum is about.

2Lady #2709881 10/13/16 01:15 PM
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Originally Posted By: 2Lady
Something isn't clear to me. When we talk about 180, are we talking about changing personal behaviors to the opposite, or are we talking about "The 180" mentioned here?:

https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/

If they are different it might not hurt to have a sticky in this forum explaining that because a lot of us may have come across "the 180" and think that this is what this forum is about.


Hi 2Lady, I hope you are well.


I think they are a sticky but in newcomers under the title "Sandi's Rules".


"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"

“There is freedom waiting for you,
On the breezes of the sky,
And you ask "What if I fall?"
Oh but my darling,
What if you fly?”

-Erin Hanson





2Lady #2709919 10/13/16 07:00 PM
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Michele talks about the180 technique in Divorce Remedy. She describes it as doing the exact opposite of what you have been doing.

That list of points that you linked to is not in DR. I don't know if that list originated with Michele, or if it started as a reader's attempt to provide more details.

Certainly, for many of the people who come to this site, following the list is doing the opposite of what they've been doing.

I highly recommend reading Michele's books. Don't just read the forum.


Me: 44
H: 44
Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10
Together/Married: 22 years
H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16
H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
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2lady, did you actually read DB or DR? I know I've asked you before and it just seems like a lot of your posts ask about subjects described in detail in the books.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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