I'm so glad to hear this. Thank you for letting us know.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Hi Cli, I am happy to hear this news. I am sure this is a significant relief for you and your family. I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Much Love JellyB xxx
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Wow. What a whirlwind of emotion and (non) activity, at least from my end, this week. Thank you for the prayers and good thoughts. I believe it helped!
MIL was found about 5 miles from her home, sleeping under a tree in an orchard. A VAST orchard. Luckily, it was in an area of trees that seemed "stressed", so even though the water was turned off to that area off trees, two workers were sent out that day to turn it on TO THAT AREA ONLY on that day and thats how they found her. Talk about luck. They also had seen the flyers put out by the massive search effort of the community and knew they needed to call for help IMMEDIATELY.
As XH had called me on the way to the airport, I felt comfortable reaching out to him via text a few times for info. I found out later that he only called at D26's urging, though, and soon felt by the morning after she was found that he would rather not communicate with me. Just a feeling from the short business-like texts. I haven't heard from him since he answered my question about her first morning back. No one in his family has communicated with me except his parents, but his father stopped calling or returning my calls or texts back in March when he found out XH had filed (XH knew they liked me and didn't tell them for two months). So most of my info came from my daughters, the social media (intrinsic in the search effort) and in various people close to the family (for longer than I) who added me on fb so that they could keep me up to date.
MIL has absolutely no memory that anything out of the ordinary happened. After a trip to the hospital to deal with severe dehydration and exposure, she was allowed to go home. She was in rough shape, but everyone was amazed at how good she was doing for being out for over three days. She woke up yesterday morning in her own bed and had coffee with "her boys". Just an ordinary day, even though they haven't all been in the same room for at least three years.
I am just absolutely amazed at the last week. And, on a selfish note, sad that I can no longer be a part of the family that an entire community has recently embraced.
M-51 H-54 2D-27 and 25 M-26 yrs Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15 He moved out 10-3-15 D filed 1-27-16 D final 10-27-16
It is a miracle Cil, and I am so relieved she was found and not too much the worse for wear. Perhaps it is a blessing that she doesn't remember and I am sure she will be glad to have her boys together.
I can understand your feelings about not being part of things. I don't think that is selfish - it is just feeling the feeling and noticing it - and it's understandable too.
As for XH - well he will do what he wants to do. I always think the main thing is to look back on your own actions and feel at peace with them.
Relax and have a good weekend Cil :-) xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I'm happy to hear that they found your MIL & that she's ok.
I understand how you must feel about it & about what your xh did. It's not selfish, it's normal. It's selfish of your xh not to realise himself how worried you must have been. But we cannot really expect that from our MLCers, can we?
I don't know if XH is necessarily being selfish or just overwhelmed by the events. He flew into the maelstrom of anxious upset family and a command center surrounded by hundreds of searchers, volunteers, dogs and horses at the end of his street! We were overwhelmed (both Ds and me) 1500 miles away!
I did talk to him quite a bit on Monday and listened to the fear and worry he was trying to cover up in his voice. I know he was trying to convince himself that there was no need to go down; that she would be found while he was enroute. I kept stressing that I was worried about his dad during this ordeal. I'd like to think that me telling him that is what caused him to catch a plane the next day. He did say on his way to the airport that he was going to go "sit on his dad".
I think he was happy to be able to help his family once he got there, and then be there for her once they found her. I can't fault him for not communicating with me...he was under a bit of duress and, well...we are divorced now. I guess I go back to NC except as necessary. This was just a case of necessary(to me) and he did what my D asked of him by calling, regardless of his reasons for doing it. All else? Well, yeah. He's in MLC. "No expectations" carry a different distribution of weight in MLC, but the same weight none the less.
I will say, the other thing that had me a bit off on the day he flew down was that I had just gotten home from the ER. Due to a pretty violent incident at work, my work mate and I found ourselves going to the hospital. I suffered a concussion basically from a blow to the back of the head and a head butt in front...a coup contracoup injury. She, on the other hand, has been moved and is no longer able to work with my student. So, home during the MIL ordeal. As XH was always very upset when I was injured at work (sometimes not avoidable with severe behavior students), I had to swear the kids to secrecy while he was already stressed about her. It made things a little weird. I wanted the comfort of family, but how can you even consider wanting that when a loved one is lost and in extreme danger? It is a strange, selfish-feeling place to be in. You want comfort from people who can't quite give it, and feel guilty for even thinking it. I'm sure it will pass as things reach baseline.
So, MIL is ok, XH is back, Ds are back to concentrating on work, as am I. Back to real life. My work environment is in flux again, with meetings, observations, reassessments, and the search for a replacement for my partner. But change never stops. That darn river just goes around the fallen tree, the mud slide, the loosened rolling boulder; and continues on as before. I think I'm getting the hang of this as I learn more and more about having to deal with things somewhat alone.
M-51 H-54 2D-27 and 25 M-26 yrs Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15 He moved out 10-3-15 D filed 1-27-16 D final 10-27-16
I'm glad you are okay and all of you have had a lot on your plate this past week. I do hope that you and your family can find some time to relax just a wee bit before the new week begins.
I'm very happy that your MIL is okay and your FIL can relax just a bit knowing she is safe and sound once again. This type of situation raises anxiety for all concerned when they disappear and they can be so fast in getting away from you. Let's hope she'll remain in her safe environment for a bit now that her adventure is over and done with.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Cil, what a week, eh? So glad you weren't injured more severely by that work incident. Do please try to limit your computer time as concussions are tricky to heal.
{{{{{{hugs}}}}}} xoxoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
