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AmyTx Offline OP
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Yes .. he was a very caring father and he only sends her texts every couple of days and sees her 2 or 3 times a month -- even though we only leave about 30 or 40 miles apart. I don't want this selfish man back and you are right.

I'm just an emotional wreck and I think I will go for a walk. Thank you!!


Me: 42
Him: 45
Daughter: 13
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Married 16 Years, Together 17 Years
BD: 8/15/16
Moved out: 8/26/16
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job Offline
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How are you doing today?


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Checking in to see if you're ok Amy? I walk six miles every day, it helps me enormously!

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AmyTx Offline OP
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Hi Job:

Wish I could say I was good, but I am not. The world is just giving my H everything he could possibly want. I just don't see how I could ever compete with him having tons of women just throwing themselves at him. He is getting what he wants and I'm just broken. He is flying high and will probably will never look back at me.


Me: 42
Him: 45
Daughter: 13
____________________________________
Married 16 Years, Together 17 Years
BD: 8/15/16
Moved out: 8/26/16
Joined: Sep 2016
Posts: 73
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AmyTx Offline OP
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Sadly .. my H has finally done it. He has pushed me to the breaking point and I see that I must detach. I sent him a text to no longer contact me unless it is about finances or our daughter.

I will stop paying his bills this month, he will no longer deposit his paycheck into our joint account, and he will have to fend for himself. This is his choice and his crisis. I don't see how he can survive since he is living way beyond his means, but it is not my place to judge or enable.

I will stand and be a lighthouse to him .. but I will no longer be caught up in his whirlwind of crazy. This is the absolute hardest thing I have ever done. Please pray that I am strong and I can hold this position.


Me: 42
Him: 45
Daughter: 13
____________________________________
Married 16 Years, Together 17 Years
BD: 8/15/16
Moved out: 8/26/16
Joined: Sep 2016
Posts: 73
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AmyTx Offline OP
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Sorry Westco, for some reason I did not see you post.

I was walking and need to get back at it. Thank you for the suggestion!

I think once I can get through the next few weeks .. I'll be better. THank you!


Me: 42
Him: 45
Daughter: 13
____________________________________
Married 16 Years, Together 17 Years
BD: 8/15/16
Moved out: 8/26/16
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
job Offline
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Amy,

I'm sending you positive thoughts today. I'm sorry you are having a difficult time of it. Let me just say this...you can't compete w/the ow. How could you? You are his wife, lover, and friend. You were w/him a long time and you love him to pieces. Those ow don't have anything on you. They are just crutches to his crisis and are very shallow and all they want is to have a good time and yes, help spend his money. They don't know him like you do. You are way above them in class and dignity, so please, don't even try to compete. You are the prize! Never forget that!

I think it's wise to separate accounts if he's out there spending above his means. I know you hate to do this, but you have to protect your credit and have money to pay your bills. He needs to learn what accountability and responsibility are all about and one way to do that is for him to pay his own bills.

You can be the lighthouse to him in the storm, but that doesn't mean you need to be a door mat either.

Amy, you can do this. You are stronger than you think!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Hi Amy,

Congrats on your great news regarding your most recent CT scan. That is wonderful!

It may appear that he has everything he wants, but that tune may change dramatically. Good call on not paying his bills anymore. What are you doing to protect yourself financially if he continues to live beyond his means?

Focusing all of your time, effort and energy into being the best AmyTx and Mom that only a fool would leave is crucial right now.

The best advice I can give you is to call a Divorce Busting Coach today. Many of your online friends will agree that Divorce Busting coaches will give you the best advice on how to save your marriage and keep your family together. Please call me to discuss our coaching program 303-444-7004

Cristy


A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.

Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
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Amy

It appears that our H have it all when they leave
the freedom
the fun
the OW
We are alone, dealing with jobs, cleaning up the mess, finances and kids

But the consequences come much later for them and they always seem to come and probably not one MLCer out there that would look back on the wreck they participated in and say it was the right thing
unfortunately, many of them pick poor affair partners with issues and lose everything

Our hard work does pay off--and leads us to an inner peace and that is something that can't be bought..It comes from hard work and commitment to ourselves..


married 14 years
H 42
bomb 2/07 IDLYA
D final 3 /09
M ow D ow
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AmyTx Offline OP
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Thank you Job and Peacetoday:

I seriously don't understand how everyone does it. My life is just so upside down and I am trying to get my bearings. I do see that I am better -- but I have a long path ahead of me. I am reading the forums and articles on HB / HS.

Even though my H has broken my heart (trampled it and shredded it to pieces) -- I still love him deeply. Is this normal? How can I still love him so much when he has hurt me so deeply? Do I really love him or am I just in love with the idea of what we were, the fantasy of him?

Things I have learned so far:
*I lost me and having a hard time trying to find myself again.
*I'm not perfect, but I was doing the best I could in my situation.
*Anything worth keeping -- needs to be nurtured.
*I should have focused less on 'cooking from scratch' and cleaning the house after a long day at my day job. I was trying to be the perfect Mom / Wife -- but I am not superwoman. I could not do it all and I was exhausted all the time and always felt like I was failing.
*Asking for help does not mean you are not strong. Sometimes you can not do everything on your own.
*I am not good at detaching ... not at all.


Me: 42
Him: 45
Daughter: 13
____________________________________
Married 16 Years, Together 17 Years
BD: 8/15/16
Moved out: 8/26/16
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