you get to decide what YOU want from a place of strength.
Ayep! Believe it or not......the LBS does decide! I think in the early phases of this....we tend for forget this.
Yeah us co-dependent people think we are put on earth to cater to others and do what they want. Little did we know that we are allowed to decide things for ourselves.
I so remember feeling like because of his decisions, I had no say in the direction of my life. I learned that wasnt true at all.
I got to choose how I stood and for how long. I got to choose how I would act and who I would become. I got to choose whether I was going to walk this with dignity and courage or not.
I know it doesnt seem like it, but, you all have power in this. It's yours. Dont give it away to someone who, right now, doesnt deserve it. Take it back.
Did I tell you that I just purchased a baseball bat?
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Have you? Well, now..here's the drill. Wear black boots. Hold the bat firmly in your hand and swiiiiing for the trees. Best feeling there is. But you wouldnt want to hit anything with it.
This journey you are on..was meant to be. I know that sounds like some pollyanna drivel..and I could be that (Pollyanna..I mean). But it is the truth. I know it deep in my soul.
If that point is accepted, then, this journey gets a whole lot easier. It eliminates the time spent on wondering why it happened. It cuts down on guilt and blame and all that those things carry with them.
That is not to say that we shouldnt spend some thought on why drives this MLC. It helps to know what could have precipitated it. But spending long amounts of your energy on all of those whys, keeps you stuck.
DB is solution based. It's about getting to where you need to be and allowing the MLCer to figure his or her own stuff out.
So, start today to embrace the idea that you are right where you are supposed to be.
Take back your power.
Begin the amazing journey of self discovery. Leave your MLCer to their stuff. It is theirs to carry.
You get to become anything you want to. How freakin awesome is that?
Just reading between the lines, were you on here as a different user before? It seems a lot of people know you and I wouldn't mind reading some back story.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Hey UR, glad to "see" ya! Yes, UR was here under a couple of different names Huddy, the posts are in the archives I think.
Her dragging-me-around-the-room-by-his-pants-leg analogy really helped to realize what my pursuit felt like to my ex and helped me to detach and move forward. Thanks UR
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
Hi Huddy, thanks for stopping by. I had several names on here for a few reasons.
My bomb date is June 2007. He was having an affair with someone in another state. We had been married 25 years at the time. He stayed in my bed for nine months and in our home for almost two years...
Fun times...NOT!
It was a difficult marriage as he was controlling. I had become very small and depressed in it. I did all the wrong things in the beginning. As Ive said, I came kicking and screaming into DB.
I blamed myself for everything. But with the help of the people on here and my therapist, I grew back.
At first I was devastated by it all. He had $60,000 in debt I knew nothing about. He had been taking money for a long time. Our son had a lot of health issues and I trusted my xh completely so I never realized what he was doing financially. He took my retirement funds (long story), lost his job or quit, moved across a few states.
I got screwed in court royally and was financially ruined for a lot of reasons.
After some time, when he wouldnt leave the home and I started to find my strength, I began to just live my life. I have a twisted sense of humor and would do things for my amusement.
I once dressed up his cell phone and invited it to dinner since he was basically having an affair with it in between trips to see his OW.
I finally told him, in no uncertain terms that he needed to leave. He did. It was a hard decision, but, I finally filed.
I wanted to walk this in my own way and I did. I never said a bad word about him to our son. I acted with dignity and strength. I will never recoup what he did financially, but, that's on him.
She ended the affair. No surprise there. She was his GF before me all those years ago who had cheated on him with his best friend. I guess they thought it was the love that got away.
I had a particularly crazy MLCer. Some of the things that have come out of his mouth are somewhat legend around here.
I have some health issues and aside from financially, I am ok. My son, who took this very hard, lost his footing as it was always the three of us. He still hasnt found his way,but, I am always hopeful. He is an amazing young man. Because of my actions, he has maintained a relationship with his dad who remains about 6 hours away.
If you were to ask my xh about me, he would tell you I was a good wife. He has never said a bad thing about me as far as I know. At least not to anyone I know.
I would say he has some regrets, but, that is something he has to live with. As for me, I did this the way I wanted to, although, I would have handled it differently now. But I am proud of how I acted.
As far as I know, he hasnt been with anyone else, but, who knows? Not my concern. We are cordial and polite when we see each other, which isnt often.
I have long ago forgiven him for his actions and that was for me. I continue to wish him well and hope one day he finds peace.
My buds on here have other ideas, though. LOL!
This is tough stuff,but, I am forever grateful for the journey.
.