Hello my friends. I am a long time poster who, after 8 years on the forum, took a break. There are so many new people here, which saddens me. And yet, if you are going to be anywhere, there is no better place than this.
I am not going to go through my story at this time. It is a familiar one. He had a MLC, an affair, stole money, left devastation. I did not save my marriage, but, I am a success story because I saved me. But I came kicking and screaming into DB. I couldnt get it for the longest time. I was blessed to have some amazing people posting to me who challenged me and pushed me and supported me. I am forever grateful and count them still among my closest friends.
I wanted to just write a bit to all of you. I want you all to know that you will survive this. No matter which way it turns out. I wanted to tell you that the fact that you are fighting for your marriage speaks volumes about who you are and that matters a great deal.
There aren’t enough people in the world who love with the depth you are showing by doing this. Try to remember that in your darkest moments.
There are no absolutes here. Every person walks this in their own way. And that’s ok. If I can tell you one thing that makes a difference it is this: This is their journey, but, it is yours, too. Walk it with dignity and courage and strength. Know deep into your soul that this is a journey you were meant to go on. And while it seems unbearable at times, you will get through it.
Many times we try to figure it all out. Why is he or she doing this, why are they saying that. What does it mean? You can get all tangled up hitching yourself to those thoughts. Because the truth of the matter is, we don’t really know why because we aren’t going through a crisis. We can try to understand some. We can try different things to see what happens. But the thing is, it is going to play out as it will.
Your job is this: Do not cause harm to the relationship between your spouse and your children. That relationship is theirs to forge. Let them. Always try to act in a way that is conducive to who you want to be regardless of how they are acting. Their actions are on them. You be good with yours.
This takes as long as it does, so, move forward with your life. Become your best self. Be there for your children. Protect your finances. Then, allow it to unfold.
They can’t move forward if they are looking over their shoulder at you. It keeps them stuck. It keeps you stuck, too.
You are being given an amazing opportunity here. And yes, I know it doesn’t seem like it, but, I promise you, it is. If you allow yourself to, you will grow in ways you never thought possible.
I always said I wish I didn’t have to learn what I did in the way that I had to, but, I am forever grateful for the journey.
The only way to do this…is through it. There are no short cuts. The sooner you accept that, the better you will be able to handle it all.
This is hard stuff. It ain’t for the faint of heart to stand for your marriage. But I always wanted to be able to look back at that time in my life and be good with what I saw. I wanted to know, without a single doubt, that I did all that I could. I wanted to know that I became who I was supposed to be in a way I could be proud of. I did. It mattered. To me and to my son.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Wow .. thank you for this post. Surviving is what I am working on at the moment. I am still at the beginning of my journey. I am glad to see that after the time, you are grateful for what you learned.
I have heard over and over again -- that I just need to file (even though my H just left). I hate our throw away society and easy come everything! I am protecting myself and my D, but I hope I am teaching her that love is worth fighting for and sometimes the fight is hard.
This pain is something I would never wish on anyone -- and to hear someone say that it was worth something -- makes it a little easier to bear. Hugs to you!!!
Me: 42 Him: 45 Daughter: 13 ____________________________________ Married 16 Years, Together 17 Years BD: 8/15/16 Moved out: 8/26/16
Hi Amy...you do what is best for you and your daughter. And yes, this is a pain like no other. But, there is light at the other end of it no matter how it turns out.
Remember to breathe and take care of you. Rest, eat, exercise. You will be ok. I know it without a single doubt.
