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#2707548 10/01/16 01:53 AM
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Here we go. Time to start a new thread and this one isn't starting with a good one.

Previous Thread:

Not so lost now take 2

This morning my youngest kid mentioned that my two kids have unofficially met with OW and her child. I rang H and he said that he has the right to invite who he wants in his house and see our kids. He said that he feels that he has been sensitive about everything he has done so far, so I replied that he should have shown the same consideration towards his first partner when he introduced me to his eldest daughter. He said it doesn't matter that they met her because they weren't kissing or anything like that. I did tell him that was disrespectful as he should have warned me and that it's hurtful to find this out through our kids. I told him that it was disrespectful of him to make me hope as he hasn't filed yet.

He sees nothing wrong he what he has done/ doing. I didn't lie to my kids and I told them that their dad and this woman are the reason why their parents are not longer and will no longer be together, that it's the reason why we are no longer in our old house. My youngest said she didn't want to go to her dad, and I told her that her dad loves her and that he is still her dad. She asked me if she should be enemy with OW and I told her no as you have to be kind to everyone even those who hurts other people.

I have asked for H to file as for me it would definitively close the door for me as I'm tired of wanting to hope that I could save my marriage when from the get going it was unsavageable. I'm really sad today.

Last edited by job; 10/01/16 05:11 AM. Reason: Added the link to the previous thread
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Hi rouky, so sorry you are sad.

My youngest has also asked if he should be horrible to ow. I said no as that would not make him happy but to not like her too much.

He got upset the other day saying he was upset that daddy was horrible to me and that although he still loves daddy he didn't think he liked him much anymore.

So sad these men think that ow can replace everything they have given up. They can't...

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Rouky I'm so so sorry about how things are developing with your H. I think it is understandable (and normal) to be sad under those circumstances, but maybe now that you know you can move on. Also I find the title of your new thread positive and optimistic, that's a lovely way to see things, well done.

Rouky have you taken legal advice yet? You mention that you asked him to file, but have you checked your options yet?

Take care sweetie, it will be a hard next chapter but as you said, you are starting over which can only be a good thing!


"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"

“There is freedom waiting for you,
On the breezes of the sky,
And you ask "What if I fall?"
Oh but my darling,
What if you fly?”

-Erin Hanson





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Thank you Mia and Esame,

I should have really saw it coming, and I feel stupid for hoping that he'd wake up and realise all that I have to offer. Then again, him introducing her behind my back says a lot about his character as a person. One of my friend came today and really shook me up (in a nice way), she said I should let it go, that it has been 18 months so why I'm not letting him go, that I need to be more positive. I agree with her, and I explained to her that for the last 18 months it has been one thing after another, and I'm really struggling to be happy and to keep my head above the water. As soon as I feel I'm doing better, I'm being bitten on the curb once more. I wonder what God is trying to teach me as I can't really see it.

My friend was saying that his actions shouldn't affect me like it did this morning. I did send him a text saying that no matter how hard he tries to justify things we both know the truth and that at least I can stand up being proud and held my head high as I still have my values and moral intact. I know petty but I really didn't care.

Esame all the finances and kids access have been sorted out by me when we sold the marital home. It's written in a legal document. So it's just a case of filing now. I don't understand why I still a man that as deceived and hurt me in the most atrocious way.

Mia, H hasn't presented her as his new partner but as a friend. So the kids have no animosity towards her. I have told them the truth, their dad and her are the reason why he doesn't leave with us anymore, why we had to sell our house, and probably why their parents will never get back together.

I want to let go but I don't know how. I'm scared of being so much damaged goods that no one will want me. My H's ex-partner is still single and I have been with him for 12 years. I'm scared.

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Rouky,

I am sorry and I wish I could give you a hug.

You've texted him, now you need leave him alone. Nothing you say or do will change the course he's on.

Rouky, in time, you will let go. Right now you are in shock, suffering from hurt and disappointment. Feel those emotions and then release them. You are not damaged goods! I would give myself some time to grieve the death of the relationship before dating. You've got some healing to do and when you are ready, you will date again. Continue to work on you and keep that focus on you and your children. Again....you are not damaged goods...he is.

job #2707576 10/01/16 06:51 AM
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Rouky, I wish I could hug you. I know the pain of knowing your kids have met OW.

I think you need a new GAL activity that is out of your comfort zone & will take your mind off of your H for a while.


Me: 35 husband:39
Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage
Twins 5 (boy/girl)
Daughter 3
Affair bomb 2/27/14
He moved in with ow 3/13/14
OW kicked him out 6/15/14
4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction



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I was hoping that H would introduce OW to kids as his girlfriend not his friend, and I think that is why I'm so hurt as once again he has shown me that he couldn't take ownership of his actions.

I had planned to go out with friends for a month now tonight, and until the last minute I was debating if I should go or not. The old me would have retrieved and stayed at home after today's revelation but I forced myself to, and I don't regret it for one bit! I had a fab time with my friends, had a couple of compliment from the opposite gender, even a lady in the toilet spoke to me about my dress and how lovely it looked on me.

I hadn't seen few friends for a while and they all said I looked happier. Now is my pat on the back, few months ago I'd have been so distraught about H introducing OW to kids and would have been crying my eyes out and I'd have withdrawn, but around lunch time I was feeling better and still went out tonight. So that is a huge 180 for me! I really looked stunning in my dress.

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Just as job and twinmom said, I wish I could give you a hug, Rouky. Why hasn't your h filed? Has he said? My h didn't string me along.... He could never definitively say things with conviction, and I'm not sure if I used that to find hope in the sitch.

You are right though, you did keep your morals and values in tact and still kept your head up high.

I'm glad you went out and had a great time! I'm sure the dress was lovely! You look good, you feel good!


Me- 30's H- 40's
T-10 M-5
I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15
D filed by H: September 16
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Thank for your reply Feyth as I can only imagine how you feel. There are few reasons why H won't file a) as for everything in his life he is expecting other people to do the clear up of his mess (ie he expects me to be so fed up that I will enventually file), b) it's expensive and H doesn't want to spend money uncessarily, c) H said to me and in-laws that he has no intention to get married again ( which I believed and was hoping but after the conversation we had yesterday I'm led to believe that he will marry OW). So much for him telling his friends that he doesn't see a future with her!

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Rouky, my h also introduced the kids to ow behind my back as his 'work friend' and even when I confronted him he denied anything was going on.

However now the kids are fully aware of what went on they are indifferent to her ( which I think is worse than disliking her) . I am a firm believer that where kids are involved conflict will occur in these 'relationships' and all will not be as rosy as they will try and make you believe.

Already when my h has dropped the kids off he has had to dump ow with her child at McDonald's and once at the park....pathetic.

I am guessing that your h is introducing ow as his 'friend' so as to avoid the inevitable potential conflict with kids which would taint his 'rosy' fantasy world

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