Well my handle should be sobersapiens. Just something I made up.. But sober is all that fit. 😊 I'm 45 W is 48 we have no kids. She has had social anxiety since I've known her. We met 12 years ago married 11 this December. Not sure how committed she could be with OM he lives 1100 miles away. She said in May she wants a divorce and hasn't filed anything. She has talked down to me in front of others in the past and my sister said a few years ago she seems unhappy with herself. I always talk her up and want her to do the best and be the best she can be. We have had our fights like everyone else. I work a lot as well. I'm really at a loss because I've never seen her act this way.
She's the right age for peri-menopause which can trigger a whole lot of things as can the upcoming 50th birthday.
You may want to take Christy up on her offer - the people on the other end of that phone know a lot more than us amateur fellow sufferers who hang out here on the forum. Otherwise you may want to see what is available for you in terms of an IC - or do both.
It seems like you're generally doing the right thing by giving her space to work through her own issues. She's probably stewing in a boiling soup of hormones, depression and guilt.
How are you doing? Are you taking care of yourself? Are you working on being all that you can be? You'll need to be strong to make it through this - it may be a long hard road even though you've already been on it for a while. Keep posting and perhaps some others will chime in.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Update. This morning W actually sought me out in the master bedroom to tell me to have a good day. She hasn't done this in a very long long time. Not jumping but it's a start.
Please place no stock in the fact your W went to the MBR to speak to you. Don't place stock in the fact she hasn't filed for a divorce, either. Your MR is in serious trouble, and it cannot be fixed the way most H's want to fix relationship problems. Buying roses, sweet talking her, and having sex......won't patch it. If you'll stay with us, you will get support and tell what you can do.
Can you tell us about her growing up years? Did she suffer any type of abuse as a child, or experience some traumatic event that was life changing for her?
Has there ever been inappropriate contact with the opposite sex from either of you in the past?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Her growing up years seem to be fine. She wasn't abused as far as I know but she does have a history of socail anxiety but that's it. She was diagnosed with breast cancer a year ago and ended radiation in December. I am thankful she is going to be fine and was there for her all the way through it.
You may want to take Christy up on her offer - the people on the other end of that phone know a lot more than us amateur fellow sufferers who hang out here on the forum. Otherwise you may want to see what is available for you in terms of an IC - or do both.
Hello Dfresh,
Definitely don't read anything into the fact that she hasn't filed yet or sought you out to say GM.
Thanks for the vote of confidence AndrewP regarding the DB Telephone Coaching!
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Brief honest history. Married 11 ago. Wife has always sought refuge in spare room at times even during our dating year. Caught wife in a EA in May after a week vacation in April with friends to help them move.
Thought it would be good for us. Became physical in September caught her and well things are stagnant I have applied many of sandis rules and a lot of NC even though we live in the same home. There are days that things are working and days they are not. I read and read some more. She tells me the EA/PA is over but I will not believe it until she shows me.
She says she is comfortable at the moment being alone and I give her her space. She will seek me out to say she has made lunch for me and will occasionally cook dinner for both of us. But I have been very cautious on all accounts. Not sure what my next steps are but I'm doing very well in not talking about our marriage or relationship. Just focusing on me and my time.
She will seek me out at times to say have a good day before work etc. She wanted a divorce a month ago but no papers have crossed my path. Yes I'm in limbo but can deal with the long haul. I believe the fog is slowly lifting. But not 100% there yet. I want to be more active here but I work a lot. And don't have much time to post like others. Thank you.
Last edited by Cadet; 10/25/1609:30 PM. Reason: Carriage returns for readability
