Cherry, filing, moving. Gaining strength

[Cherry]

Lovely to see you grl, hope you're keeping good

[JksD]

I am so sorry about your S's rxn to h. It really svks.

(((QCherry)))

[JksD]

I am chugging along. I know I will get to where I am supposed to be if I learn my lessons and keep on keeping on.

[msp710]

Cherry,

You are a extraordinary person. The strength you're showing during this time is nothing short of inspirational.

Take care of yourself and your children. One day, when your children are older, they'll understand what a pillar of strength you. You are the finest example of what a mother should be.

All the best

[Cherry]

Grl, just keeping chugging along is all we can do right now. But you're an amazing lady, and your strength is admirable.

Msp710, thank you so much. That's such a lovely thing to say. All I can do right now is focus on my S and my bump and keep them happy. As you can see, this can be a long bumpy rollercoaster. One which we can either join, or get off and work on us for a litttle while. I'm working on me, but still showing some kindness towards wh. I just give him a little glimpse here and there of what he is set to loose.

[Cherry]

Just journaling a little. The past couple of days I've had some pangs of sadness, not necessarily anger at all, just the sad feeling when you know someone has gone. This has mainly been induced by the sadness visible in my s. After the other day and crying at the door, there's been a few times I've lost him and found him sitting outside wh's bedroom door. The usual "daddy's gone" and "where's daddy". He's also taken to carrying round a framed wedding photo of me and wh that he found. This breaks my heart, I hate the pain I'm going through, but I hate the pain it's causing my S even more. I haven't seen wh for a few days, he's been going out super early for work, and coming home like 1/2 am.

Went in for a couple hours to work this morning, then came home and picked S up and took him out for a little while for a play. Then the usual shopping, cleaning and while I wasn't feeling too sick- I cooked a few meals to last a few days (I've taken to cooking in bulk and freezing them so if I'm having a particularly sick day, I don't have to face cooking, and that way S has something nice and nutritious. After that, me and S made a mess doing some painting. Feeling pretty darn tired now already!

[Coly23]

Hey Cherry, just popping in to see how you are doing. I've not started up a new thread here as yet but will do when I feel motivated enough!

I did wander into the MLC forum and bumped into AndrewP. I've been thinking that H might be in MLC so have started a thread up over there as well.

It made me so sad when you said your S has been carrying around your wedding photo. It's amazing how much they pick up on but in fact you wish they didn't and just remained innocent to it all. I was also sad about your H's childhood with his Dad leaving when he was little. It's almost like history repeating itself...

Well done on the bulk cooking, brilliant idea!

[Cherry]

I know, and he has spent his entire life trying to avoid being like him, he always said he would never treat a woman or child the way he and his mom were treated. Though of course being wayward he is in absolute denial about this, and when his mom points this out to him it is met with anger and denial that he is anything like him.

This evening wh came home in a rather depressed looking state. I was just serving dinner so asked if he wanted some, he said he would. He didn't say a word to me, and barely said any to S. I thought after the last few days and carrying round the photo that S would run to him, but S ignored him. It's not like I can even sit S down and talk to him about things. Soon after eating wh went out, but at least there was no tears at bedtime, I think the fact that I wore him out at the park helped!

Going to plan in a few things for the weekend for me and S. Still no update on when wh is moving out. He told me he paid his deposit and has already paid some upfront rent on a place. I get the feeling he will just leave one day without saying anything.

[Painter]

Hi Cherry, just stopping by to see how you're doing.

I can't believe everything you've been through at such a young age, with such grace and dignity and incredible strength.

Is someone taking care of you?

I know your MIL is there, and I think it's great that she's telling WH the truth so you don't have to.

[Cherry]

Yeah, I guess her spew kinda helps me from saying anything. She doesn't have much of a filter! I think now even she is growing tired, and she too has pulled right back for her own sanity. Maybe this will help him see the loss he is going to feel.

I do get a lot of support and help from mil, I also have a few good friends and my own family for support. I am fiercely independent though, so accepting help is something I struggle with, but I am taking the effort too.

That does mean a lot though painter. I'm trying to keep as much dignity and grace about me as possible. I think of what my S is being exposed to, and also think of my own peace. I'm keen to make sure my good nature does not get made a mockery of, I won't let him take advantage of me.

I'm not too sure why at the moment I've hit a bit of a lull. There's a sadness that is hanging around. I guess it's an acceptance that this is now happening, and it's the waiting of all the papers, and him moving, and the sadness of S I see at times, and how this baby will potentially never know their father quite so well. I have been thinking what is it about wh that I actually miss. I think it's having that person to love, cuddle, talk to. We were always the best of friends and would laugh a lot and do things together. I don't just feel the loss of a h, but my best friend too. I know time is a healer, and that eventually the sadness will ease. I also know that the person he has been for the last 2 years on and off has not been my best friend, nor a h. And it has been a case of him ignoring me and being selfish and dishonest, and that is something I can live without.

My mil said yesterday that for someone getting everything he wants, he doesn't appear happy , and he doesnt. But maybe that's because he possibly doesn't truly know what he wants, or it's the guilt eating away. Who knows.