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Originally Posted By: Cherry
Thanks maybs, that's just it isn't it, we are the source of all of the problems in the world. I bet global warming and poverty is my fault too :P

I guess this is where we just sit back and let them realise that wherever they go and whatever they do, their problems are still there. Aside from a bit of peace in the house, I guess this is the silver lining in him moving. Not that it will probably make a difference, he is very stubborn, but you never know- the penny may well drop that the problem is not all to do with being here or me and our m.


Just a thought to chew on...
Perhaps there is depression among other possible mental health issues with the WAS/WS...
I understand we all swing from taking on the blame to giving it all back, but when we are reeling we sought out assistance and many received medical and psychological assistance...
WAS/WS may suffer from a similar malady and just do not realize it to seek help.

Maybe letting our thought focus on compassion instead of mind reading and blame we can heal more promptly and healthily detach...and create the best space for them to realize they may need help...

My 2c...


Me 46 Former W 46
D19 D7
BD Feb 2016
WAW moves out 4/16/16
D final 6/1/2017

It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
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SH, this totally makes sense. I know I come on here and have a little grumble from time to time, but this is just to vent my complaints.

Towards wh, I am compassionate, friendly. And my recent 180 on validating, I felt I've given him the opportunity to talk to me if needs be. I know my wh has depression, he's told me about self harm, and his thoughts on things would be better if he wasn't here. At that time I validated and said how this must be very hard. I've let him know that he is deeply loved by S, and that regardless of what happens between us, I think I always will care about him, he is the father of my children after all (I possibly broke a db rule there).

I've made my feelings known, so he knows there's love there. I also like to make my house that of a calm place, and when he sees those glimpses of me, it's thatvof a stable happy loving person. And this is all I feel I have in my control, he is extremely wayward- to the point he doesn't even see or spend time with our S. And mention this baby and he's in panic mode

Seeking help is ultimately all on the individual, I believe that you can only get help when you realise you have a problem. I realised I carried a lot of issues along with mevthat I had never dealt with, an abussive ex, and post traumatic stress from a cancer battle. But I'm working on these now, which helps me to see clearer and be a better person.

I guess one of my daily battles is getting on with life, when my heart is breaking as I know I do love my h. But now it's at that stage of if you love someone let them go. I do find myself having a battle occasionally of loving someone, but hurt by the betrayal. I've read stories on people piecing, and see this is a common issue even when the spouse returns.

Still one step at a time!


Me 26 H 25
M 4
T 5
Baby born 4/14
BD: 1/15
EA: 2/15
PA: 4/15
reconciling: 4/15
ILYBINILWY- 11/15
ILY-1/16
ILYBNILWY 4/16
ILY 6/16
ILYBINILWY 6/16
Baby due 3/17
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so todaybis supposed to be the day wh said he would look after S whilst I am at work. For the past few weeks he hasn't done this, he even told me not to rely on this. He left S with his m. The thing is this evening, I couldn't find S. I found him sat downstairs quietly by the door. I asked him was he going to come to bed. He just kept saying "daddy" then "daddies gone". It took a lot of persuasion and tears to get him to bed. And it took a long time to get him settled. This absolutely broke my heart, wh left early this morning and still hasn't returned. I've felt a lot of levels of sadness throughout this journey, but this has hurt me the most. All I could do was try my best to console him and show him love, but it hurts, and I know that this is how things are going to be, especially when he leaves. I'm not sure what else I can do.

Spending the evening watching some travel shows. Nice easy going shows, and I'm learning about the world and countries too. I have another presentation and some conference calls tomorrow to do, so I know I need to try and get some sleep tonight, I admit sleep has been difficult the past few days, partly an active mind, partly just can't get comfy, oh and there's a baby bouncing on my bladder. I'm trying to really wind down of an evening to bring my runaway brain to a bit of a halt.


Me 26 H 25
M 4
T 5
Baby born 4/14
BD: 1/15
EA: 2/15
PA: 4/15
reconciling: 4/15
ILYBINILWY- 11/15
ILY-1/16
ILYBNILWY 4/16
ILY 6/16
ILYBINILWY 6/16
Baby due 3/17
BD 8/16
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(((Cherry and your son))) That stinks that your son is crying for his dad....ugh...glad that you are such a great mom!! I have been having a tough time sleeping as well and I'm not pregnant...haha...its my runaway brain as well...crazy I have never ever had a problem sleeping before all this has happened...hope you have a good night!


W:42 M:48
T:9 yrs M:1yr
BD: Feb 2016
EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016
D: Feb 2017

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SH I agree. I do come on here and complain to vent it out a bit but at the end of the day I do really care of my W and show her compassion and empathize with her.

When everything started she had talked about seeking help but never following through on it. I never pushed because she has to want to help.

I do try to be the lighthouse, I think to some degree we all do. We want them to find their way but unfortunately there's not much we can do.

(((Cherry))), that's heartbreaking about your S. It's good that he has you right now, you are truly a strong woman to be putting up with you WH.


W:32 M:26
T:5 yrs M: 3 yr
BD: JUN 2016
W Moved out: early JUL 2016
W Filed for D: mid JUL 2016
EA: 06/16?
PA: 07/16
Moved in w/ ow: 07/16
D final: 10/16
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Cherry Offline OP
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I hope he thinks that too, I just know I can't really stop the pain he is feeling right now. All I can do is be there to comfort him.

I've never been a great sleeper, I think the pregnancy does help me to sleep better, I really utilise S's nap time these days! Runaway brain is annoying to say the least, it's not even the situation, I find myself creating a to do list! Grr


Me 26 H 25
M 4
T 5
Baby born 4/14
BD: 1/15
EA: 2/15
PA: 4/15
reconciling: 4/15
ILYBINILWY- 11/15
ILY-1/16
ILYBNILWY 4/16
ILY 6/16
ILYBINILWY 6/16
Baby due 3/17
BD 8/16
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Thanks maybs. It's hard to hold your hurt in, but my protective mode kicks in, and my feelings are put to the side for him.

Sometimes it is hard to be the lighthouse but also not to hold to much hope that they will return.

I think we are all a little guilty of having a little vent here. But I definitely let it out here so then I let it go and don't let it out to him.


Me 26 H 25
M 4
T 5
Baby born 4/14
BD: 1/15
EA: 2/15
PA: 4/15
reconciling: 4/15
ILYBINILWY- 11/15
ILY-1/16
ILYBNILWY 4/16
ILY 6/16
ILYBINILWY 6/16
Baby due 3/17
BD 8/16
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You keep pouring your love into that little boy. He will grow up strong and kind because his mother was a light house. You will be the rock on which sets his standards by.

I also have been having the runaway brain, waking at 2-3 am and stuck up for the day. I've been trying to remind myself that I am in control of my future and decisions. I had reached a point previously where this brought me peace and detachment but I let myself backslide and lose some well earned ground. You and I are working as hard as we can to keep our children happy and healthy while working and juggling this DBing stuff. We should have statues built in our honor and there should be a cape installed, lol!

P.S. I had my hair high lighted today in your honor. laugh


M 10yrs T 13yrs
BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW
BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off
Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce
April '17-Letting go
2018 D busted
DD8, DS6, DS3
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Ooh I'm very proud smile I bet you felt a little better after a little pamper.

I think we should, I'll get to work on that one. It is a big juggle, dbing, managing emotions, making sure the kids feel supported and work on top of everything. I think being the lighthouse is all we can do here, especially where the children are concerned. My biggest worry out of everything is how it will affect them. The thing that my mil is struggling with is she was put in the same position by wh'S dad (he hasn't seen or heard at him since he was about 1.5 years old), then she had an ex after that who was violent. Throughout all of this she put him first, the most doting mom, yet he still turned out like the men that have been in his life. This makes me scared for S, but all I can do is my best and shower him with love and break the bad man influence! Fortunately, my S sees my papi regularly, and he is a good strong family man with values and absolutely family comes first. My son adores his abuelo so at least he has a good influence in his life.

But Sara, you are one of the fiercest mamacita going! And I know that we can get through this, stronger and better.. with great hair. When do we order our capes?


Me 26 H 25
M 4
T 5
Baby born 4/14
BD: 1/15
EA: 2/15
PA: 4/15
reconciling: 4/15
ILYBINILWY- 11/15
ILY-1/16
ILYBNILWY 4/16
ILY 6/16
ILYBINILWY 6/16
Baby due 3/17
BD 8/16
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Hi Cherry!
Just swinging by to show that I am still in your corner.


You can call me Dory/ Grl.

As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"

It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
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