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Congratulations for booking your holiday days as the Italian lakes are beautiful. I know you will love it. Just wanted to add if you haven't tried Reiki you might want to give it a go as it works on your shakras and it does wonder (well at least for me).

Have a lovely week.

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hi Sotto,
your vacation plans sound fabulous! that's where my family hails from. my hope is to bring son there for graduation.

chakra work and reiki are wonderful tools for healing. glad you are learning more about energy work. it has certainly helped me.

thanks for popping in on my thread xoxoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Sotto,

I'm so glad to read that you've got a very nice vacation planned. You will most definitely enjoy yourself.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Thank you Rouky, Bttrfly and Job...xx

Yes, it is good to have a trip to look forward to and it was one of my goals for this year - and also, I'll be 50 this winter, so it's good to push the boat out a little...

I've dialled back a little on social activities in the past few weeks. Am I in a bit of a funk? Maybe. I'm a little anxious about this new project which will really gather steam this week. The start got delayed and that was a bit frustrating. I guess I'm just prioritising that at the moment and I only have so much energy and mental energy to go around..

Sometimes I put myself in the position of being 'social organiser' and then others look to me to organise things (fair enough on their part) but then I get busy and start to feel a bit resentful. Something to watch out for and my fault for always stepping in to offer.

I guess I'm also mourning the loss of NG at work's phone number and our bits and bobs of texting, which have stopped completely (I went cold turkey. ) So, again I guess that contact buoyed me a little and now it is gone. I don't feel the situation with him is hopeless - but (for whatever reason) he doesn't come forward just now and that's okay. I'm not yet a year out from D just yet (May) and that's another goal - no dating until at least a year.

I still find I ruminate sometimes about XH. Like the whole thing was pretty astonishing how our nice life together completely imploded and the horrid way it all happened. I guess I still suffer from a touch of PTSD type symptoms and though I have read a lot about MLC, there's a difference between 'knowing' what you know and truly healing and moving on from it all.

So, a bit of a mixed time but generally okay and I'm looking forward to the Spring months just ahead - always my favourite time of year. Anyway, thanks for reading - even though I have nothing to say. Oops, almost completely forgot to mention XH - no news of any sort there...xxx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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Hey Sotto, great to hear from you!

I also love to organise stuff but then sometimes feel I have bitten off more than I can chew so become resentful too. It's something I've got to look out for as well.

Sorry about NG. He sounds like my H, a little bit lazy!

I'm looking forward to the spring too. I've already seen some early daffodils and that has lifted my spirits a bit!

Hope you are having a good weekend!


Me - 47
H - 45
D-16
M - 6 years
Separated - May 16

Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
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Hi Sotto,

Just read your last posts and you sound strong as always. Congrats on your new adventure... who knows what awaits you in Italy. It could be in terms of someone, life and just the absence of any pain of any kind. The main thing is to let it flow through you and enjoy every single detail.

You are right on when you say we can't just assume what is happening on any other side. Sometimes it is our assumptions and feelings that destroy any outcome. It happen to me all the time.

So many people in this board identify themselves as initiators, or volunteers. It's fanny to think that in many different ways we share some similarities. I guess that's why we are the ones trying to save a relationship or at least grow from it and become better for ourselves. But, don't bit yourself up about not organizing some events. These last two years of my life also made me be humble and ask for help.

So, you see my signature as Tita, my home nickname. I had some issues with my log in and couldn't go back to Pink. Well, the name is different, but I am the same Pink.

By the way, I sometimes envy you for no contact with XH. The permanent contact gives some hope and I keep holding the rope. I sometimes feel that if we were far apart, it would be a little easier to let go. Maybe not, I really don't know since I never had the opportunity to experience that.

RD contact me and I still did not write back to him. So not polite. Hope you two are still in touch.

Love as always,
Pink


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Ah, thanks Coly and Tita - Pink, I will have a look at your thread and catch up. Nice to hear from you and yes RD and I have been in touch recently for a little chat. I'm sure he'd love it if you were in touch with him.

Well - gosh a busy work week for me, but all went well. We have two big projects going on at work and I manage one of them. The other is in disarray and someone important is leaving - so there is a gap too. Apparently one of our senior managers said to by boss - "we need a Sotto for this other project" - so that was nice. I've been worried about the project quite a bit - and reduced to tears one evening this week - so the feedback was really welcome.

Otherwise - a nice social weekend - a couple of lunches out. Plus visiting a friend at her new place and coffee with another. Dreary and cold here - so nice to be doing a few cosy and social things.

Reading some Jon Kabat Zinn at the moment - interesting for anyone looking at mindfulness. In one of his chapters - Wherever you go there you are - (also the book title) he talks about the common misperception that if you 'change up' your life things will improve - ie: change your job, your wife etc. But he says that if you go into a new situation with your old behaviours and beliefs, you will recreat pretty much what you had. The only way to change is inner transformation - interesting...

Take care all xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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Gosh, well here I am posting and I have a DIY job I should be getting on with this morning - avoidant for sure.

All's well with me and I feel my sap rising as we get some early spring weather in the UK. I found the build up to Xmas and the festive season really enjoyable. But then January was tougher, but I feel I've reached a good place again now. I think partly I was adjusting to these new greater work commitments and partly mourning the loss of being in touch with NG outside work. I've also been busier and less able to do social things, but I am trying to plan ahead more and schedule things for when I do have some down time.

I'm due to see our mutual friend this weekend. She tried to build some bridges between XH and me and was left in the awful position of telling me XH told her our R was over, when he hadn't told me this. When I last asked her if she kept in touch a year or so ago, she just said - he's not the man I thought he was. But they may be in touch as they have sons a similar age, and she was fond of SS. I did text SS and ask if he wanted to join us. He hasn't responded and I haven't reminded him. He may not want to be in touch as much as we were, I don't know, but I'll gently keep in touch from time to time.

I have no news of XH at all. I imagine his R with OW may be continuing and I certainly wouldn't be that surprised if I heard they had married or had a child on the way. Actually, I don't feel I'd be that devastated either if I heard that news. Maybe difficult for a little while, but I feel I would move through it fairly soon. I don't think about it much, but I do remain conscious of the normal journey these things take. I know that their R is built on rocky foundations and neither were in a good place when they entered into it. Due to this it may implode in time. But I'm not sure where I would be at if I heard from XH. The door may well be pretty much closed from my end.

As for NG, I've drawn back and accepted we won't be in touch for now. I did see him for a meeting on Valentine's Day actually and we had a nice little chat, initiated by him. He explained that as his sim died, he has lost all his contacts and our IT guy has the sim to see if he can retrieve these. NG hasn't released his new number as he may still get his old one back and he'll let me know how he gets on. I sense he may still want us to be in touch, but I'm in respond rather than initiate mode right now - though I'm still friendly and would be responsive to an initiation... smile

Otherwise, life is fine and I am lucky to have good friends, a roof over my head, cash in the bank, interesting work, good health, etc, etc. It always helps me to remember this and it is so true that the main thing is to reach a good place within yourself in whatever circumstances you may find you are in. When you do that, it doesn't really matter how life unfolds because you will navigate that and there will be joy and also some pain along the way....

Blessings to you all my lovely online friends. Xxx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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Posts: 5,301
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Oh, last post from me and then I will do this DIY job!! The friend I'm seeing this weekend divorced 3+ years ago. Our family was good friends with theirs. Well her XH in his late 40s did the following things - lost a pile of weight & became iron man, showed a huge amount of anger to her and their S, left his job, left the area, then decided he needed to work in a different country. They were still a couple during all of this.

Then he formed a friendship with a much younger woman (possibly and A but he never admitted to that if there were one.) They D'd and last I heard he was living with the new woman, but suffering from depression and off work with that..he did re-establish contact with his son and does see him for trips a number of times a year, which is good. I would say his journey along this road has taken 6 or 7+ years so far..

He and I don't keep in touch but I will be interested to hear how he is getting along...xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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Sotto,

I just wanted to say I read your posts but as a newbie don't feel like I have much to offer you. The one thing you posted that struck me is your peace with your XH with ow even if they marry and have babies. My W mentioned the possibility of having babies with her POM and it honestly got under my skin in a bad way. She thinks it would have no affect on our children. I didn't say anything or argue but I'm sure it showed on my face and in my body language. I am still so emotionally attached. Yet this formerly rational woman is contemplating having babies with a man who is almost the same age as our oldest. I guess this is what they mean by this is not the woman you married.


Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids
2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong
2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2
2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
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