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There is a whole lot of value in what you have to say surfer. Thanks for the honesty, I am taking it in.

I have been very busy the past few weeks - not as much time for the catharsis I find here.


"There is no more important fight than the one for ourselves. Keep on winning." Ginger1, Read her newbies.
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CT1118 I've been wondering where you've been at. There's far more to the world than this place - I'm glad you are "in the world". PS - The Little Prince arrived today. Early dinner out then I'm going to sit with him for a while and lose myself in his world.


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CT

Quote:
I do think the idea that kids are resilient and will "be ok" since they are young is a BS concept. I have never believed it and not read it here, but many people out in the world have said it to me.

I agree. That said, you can help minimize the impact. Create an enviornment that your son feels comfortable talking about how he feels is KEY.

Quote:
There is no scientific law for an MLC

Ummm….tell me about it. Trying to understand it…really will just drive you crazy (i.e….applying the “model approach as you mentioned”)

Quote:
who do I become while she is away?

As much as this may seem so stressful…it really is not. You really can be who ever you want to be TODAY…and tomorrow..you can decide who you want to be that day. My point….is that when you learn to take life day by day, it get easier.

Quote:
My mother always said "things happen for a reason".

Your mother was a smart women!

Quote:
She calls me Tuesday, I had not heard from her since Saturday after s5 Bday. She was on her way to get him, said call from school, he was acting up, etc. She told me how she responded - she did good, I told her that, everything she said I would have said myself or agreed with. Then she asks about how he was, why he feels need to misbehave, etc. So I tell her about the above convo.
I was calm, told I was getting ready to share some hard info, but she was his mom, she asked about why, etc. I gave no speculation, nor judgement, did not get into boundaries which she clearly violated, just said - this is what he said, you asked, here you go.

CT, you know I like ya right? I mean really – right? Ummm…not in that way…I just like ya. I think you are really a nice guy. Now that I have buttered you up……
I am going to call bullchit on the above. I think you repeated the convo that your son had with YOU to your W as…..a little guilt trip for YOUR W. You could have said that your son was dealing with some emotional stuff and if she pushed YOU for more details, you could very well suggested that she speak with your son about it. YOU threw it in her face. You USED your son. and because YOU did and I suspect she recognized it….She….
Quote:
Spew and defense (no need to explain the defense, it was same s__t you all know) from her.


Luckily you recovered….it seems. Honestly, I know she thanked you for letting her know. I just wonder if you really needed to provide that much detail. Maybe I am wrong.

Quote:
In other news, I bought my son his first basketball today - spent the morning on the court

I love hoops…I played point guard when I was a kid. I still have a warped looking pinky finger because of it. I pray that you and your son have lot of fun on the court.

Peace
Eric


"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter".
"Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!"
"Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
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Eric, my PR comrade of recovery...well rested?

Originally Posted By: ericmsant2

I agree. That said, you can help minimize the impact. Create an enviornment that your son feels comfortable talking about how he feels is KEY.


Doing my very best. His interaction with me tells me at worst I am teaching him to drive, at best I am helping him put on snow tires.

Originally Posted By: ericmsant2

Ummm….tell me about it. Trying to understand it…really will just drive you crazy (i.e….applying the “model approach as you mentioned”)


Indeed sir, that quote was my allegorical bow to myself for being in the final stages of the self-sequence as I have experienced it.

Originally Posted By: ericmsant2

As much as this may seem so stressful…it really is not. You really can be who ever you want to be TODAY…and tomorrow..you can decide who you want to be that day. My point….is that when you learn to take life day by day, it get easier.


So a mile marker (like mile markers are in the south. I feel like I read you live in CT. I've been there a few times, CT's exits do not correspond with the actual mileage you have covered in the state, which seems like an obscene was to save on on road signage, nice stone fences though) for me. I was listening to the audio book of NMMNG and the author began speaking to the importance of being alone. I made an intrinsic choice to truly become comfortable alone a few months ago. I realized when I was finishing the audio book the other day that I have succeeded in this, I actually feel really good alone. As in comfortable. Used to be different type of alone I sought. You are entirely correct, I write my own story.

Originally Posted By: ericmsant2

Your mother was a smart women!


Well, she still is, mostly. She spoke 12 languages in her life and was a UN translator. In my teenage years I witnessed her add no. 13 when she befriend an Italian woman and my mother taught herself Italian based upon being fluent in Latin and Spanish, simply amazing. She was not always healthy though, she beat me, she belittled me. However, in my past 7 months of chrysalis I have learned to value the good and the bad qualities of her I can learn from, as well as offering her the most I can when I can offer it. "Look closely at the present you are constructing, it should look like the future you are dreaming" - Alice Walker.

Originally Posted By: ericmsant2

CT, you know I like ya right? I mean really – right? Ummm…not in that way…I just like ya. I think you are really a nice guy. Now that I have buttered you up……
I am going to call bullchit on the above. I think you repeated the convo that your son had with YOU to your W as…..a little guilt trip for YOUR W. You could have said that your son was dealing with some emotional stuff and if she pushed YOU for more details, you could very well suggested that she speak with your son about it. YOU threw it in her face. You USED your son. and because YOU did and I suspect she recognized it….She….


1. I do know you like me. I am further inclined to think that if you saw me, "that way" would be an option for you, even if it would not be reciprocated on my part. This total package is money.
2. Out of curiosity, since you phrased it as a question, I ran it through a search engine.
3. First hit I clicked on was a top 10 list of "genuine friendship". No. 1 on the list - They push us to be more accepting of ourselves. “People feel better about themselves when they have close, supportive and encouraging people in their lives.” No.2 on the list - They call us out when we’re in the wrong. “They’re able to point out some of the negative things you’re doing in addition to the positive." So, long story long, yes I trust you Eric.
4. Dr. Roy J. Lewicki stated of a mixed-motive scenario, "...because people are more likely to perceive negotiation as a win-lose than win-win, conflict and competitiveness drive out cooperation and trust..."
5. You are correct, I did throw it in her face and I did use my son. It was not conscious at the time, but in hindsight, and having finished the NMMNG audio after that incident, further, reading your input, I can't help but see it with any other truth.

Originally Posted By: ericmsant2

Luckily you recovered….it seems. Honestly, I know she thanked you for letting her know. I just wonder if you really needed to provide that much detail. Maybe I am wrong.


Yes, she did, maybe I did not, maybe you are or perhaps you are not. The motives as to why I did are the ones in question. I did feel she should hear it, I did feel like saying it, I did not know the conscious motive When I was in the moment, I did feel guilt on applying my son into the situation afterwards, I learned something from the situation, I forgive myself for it.

Originally Posted By: ericmsant2

I love hoops…I played point guard when I was a kid. I pray that you and your son have lot of fun on the court.


Being raised half-German, I am confident God will not strike me dead for thinking soccer is my second favorite sport, but the German army might; so I stand by soccer. However, the other half is coastal North Carolina mutt blood from NC State heritage and that means B-ball. My boy has the genetics to become a tall, bronze skinned, muscular mega-plex on the hardwood if he one day wishes. Should this $25 Spalding B-ball get him closer to his wishes in life or if it just passes out time, I will be good either way, hopefully he is too.

Originally Posted By: ericmsant2

I still have a warped looking pinky finger because of it.


I insist on perfection, thus I could never like you "in that way" unless that way means enjoying a conversation which challenges me, provides me with smiles, inspirations, and allows for joyful awareness - in such a case, it's all the way.

Originally Posted By: ericmsant2

Peace
Eric


And peace unto you.

Andrew P. - How are you enjoying the book? A fun little text, yes? Supposedly written for children - I would say he threads a needle.


"There is no more important fight than the one for ourselves. Keep on winning." Ginger1, Read her newbies.
BD: Feb '16
D: Mar '17
Piecing: Putting the self back together was my piecing.
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Originally Posted By: CT1118
Andrew P. - How are you enjoying the book? A fun little text, yes? Supposedly written for children - I would say he threads a needle.
I spent some time with him last night. I chose to read the book aloud which added a lot to the experience I think. I got about 1/2 way through last night.


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Andrew P - the snake?


"There is no more important fight than the one for ourselves. Keep on winning." Ginger1, Read her newbies.
BD: Feb '16
D: Mar '17
Piecing: Putting the self back together was my piecing.
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Originally Posted By: CT1118
Andrew P - the snake?
My Lord. I haven't cried that hard in weeks. I finished it last night with the help of a glass of Merlot. It was especially moving because I'd read previously that the rose was a reference to his own wayward wife.

Reading it aloud - which the cats didn't seem to appreciate as much as I thought they would - really made it hit harder. I have no idea how you managed to finish it with S5. Perhaps having that audience gave you more motivation to stay focused on telling the story rather than thinking about it.

Lots to think about in that book. I quite like how even though the Little Prince found an entire rosebush that he still recognized how special his own rose was to him. The narrator's care for the Little Prince certainly reminded me of my own vulnerability. I wish there was someone to make sure that my own flame is not blown out. I do have S22/D24 plus friends and family though who are helping to watch my flame.

More than any scholarly work or scientific analysis, more even than some of the motivational, inspirational things that have been shared with me here, this story helped me understand myself, my lingering codependency to W and to be proud of wanting to nurture and protect her. She only has 4 thorns and the sheep's muzzle is missing the leather strap.

Thank you again so much.


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Originally Posted By: AndrewP

More than any scholarly work or scientific analysis, more even than some of the motivational, inspirational things that have been shared with me here, this story helped me understand myself, my lingering codependency to W and to be proud of wanting to nurture and protect her. She only has 4 thorns and the sheep's muzzle is missing the leather strap.
Thank you again so much.


Pretty amazing - and it's supposed to be a kids book. I am really glad you enjoyed it my friend. I thought the fox character was truly an interesting inclusion. I mean, was the fox a muse? One to teach him the truth of love, was the fox his rebound, was the fox his A? Really interesting. Nonetheless, the fox was part of his journey.


"There is no more important fight than the one for ourselves. Keep on winning." Ginger1, Read her newbies.
BD: Feb '16
D: Mar '17
Piecing: Putting the self back together was my piecing.
S6


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I'm sure that there are lots of analysis that could be done of that book. Just like here different people will get different things out of it because of how their own perceptions colour what the read/hear. I thought of the rose bushes as the temptation for an A, the fox in hindsight was definitely an A but it taught him the importance of love and reminded him to think of his rose. The rose itself I actually don't recall meeting in the book. She's talked about but never actually present.

Funny too that you consider the snake to be a major character where to me he was just a tool used by the author to end the Little Prince's journey.

Looking at the stars may never be the same. I know that I'll often look at them and know that W is under those same stars as well.

Thanks for not minding the high-jack for literary criticism.

I have very much put that book on my shelf for now. I think I'll need to be a lot stronger before I can read it again. It did crack a number of pieces of my shell but perhaps in a good way. I honestly don't know.


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But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
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You are welcome here anytime to speak as you will. I am glad you enjoyed the book. I don't have it figured out either, but perhaps a thing of beauty is just that. Nice take on the rose bush.
Hope your day is going well.


"There is no more important fight than the one for ourselves. Keep on winning." Ginger1, Read her newbies.
BD: Feb '16
D: Mar '17
Piecing: Putting the self back together was my piecing.
S6


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