Have a major case of WAH syndrome kicking in. I suddenly find myself not caring about seeing or talking to her. She asked to get together last Friday night... I thought meh. Once we got together it was fine. I have had little to no desire to text her... she's noticed. Asks why I am so quiet. She sent me a text earlier this week saying that she had been looking at places where we could go to talk to someone if I was still interested. I said of course but I again didn't feel excited about it. I haven't heard anything about that since.
I find myself wondering if this would be worth it. I have been doing crazy probability calculations trying to point to a path. Even though I know it is pointless. I run scenarios like what are the chances WW and I are happy together if we reconcile, what are the chances it crashes, what are the chances I would be happy with someone else etc etc etc. It's crazy. I even browsed some online dating sites this week.
The problem is that this seems too likely to repeat down the road. I think we would have a good 2-3 years but then after that, I don't know. I mean if she left me for this piece of garbage, what happens if someone good actually comes along. She's very pretty and very outgoing so men are going to be naturally attracted to her. Maybe it is better to cut my losses... hmph
Sure it might happen again. It sure is going to be hard to trust her again, but then again there are no guarantees even in a new relationship. This is a decision you will have to make by yourself. I see you do not have any kids and the age is getting up there, is it not?
I see you do not have any kids and the age is getting up there, is it not?
ahhh.... yea! That is part of my frustration almost bordering on resentment at this point toward WW. We wasted over a year and half and now she is interested in things again. Now who knows how hard it will be to have kids with her. If I find someone else, then the youngest she could be would be what.. 30? Add to that 3 years or so of dating and then who knows if that would work out.
REsentment is an ugly animal... The vets say that piecing is even harder than detaching and we all know detaching is a b...h. But they also say that if the issues are resolved the marriage can be on a whole new level compared to the past marriage.
Noooo, Obi-Pinn Kenobi, you are my only hope, please don't give up now!
You have come such a long way, but I think you might be stuck in LBS mode and have been DBng your heart out for so long you have become a DB master but letting your W back in to your new life is going to be tough. I know it's expensive bit even just three sessions with a DB coach either just for you it together might help you with taking the next step....
Me - 47 H - 45 D-16 M - 6 years Separated - May 16
Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
eh... been a bit blah lately but thanks for checking in!
I have definitely been colder to WW. I can't seem to help it at the moment. We did have dinner last night at her request, I purposely didn't ask her to do anything... I would say it was meh, we've had better.
We did get into a bit of an R talk. She mentioned for the 1000th time that we should go talk to someone but then in the same breath mentioned how much she dreaded that (mmm.... ok?) because it makes her uncomfortable to talk about certain things (great). I agreed that we should talk to someone (obviously). Then she started discussing our 'chemistry' issues again and how great I am and how perfect everything is besides that. Yea we had this conversation already on BD day remember? I got really frustrated actually and just wanted to go home but was able to refocus and at least make the most of the night. It really did feel like I was being transported back in time 17 months. I basically said... look either you want to be with me 1,000,000 percent and you want to work on those issues or you don't and if you don't then let's cut to the chase and get a move on. It seemed like a change from other things she had been saying lately. Maybe it is because I have backed away so much, not sure. Then she got into how everyone hates her and how that would be an issue. Shes making excuses is what she is doing. It makes me really think that something like this happening again if we got back together is likely. I made a mistake and said I have been 'waiting' for her for 17 months... I didn't mean 'waiting', it came out wrong, but it is what I said and she picked up on that right away. She mentioned how I shouldn't be waiting and if I need to move on then I should, again eye brow went up.
When I got home she sent me a text that said "I had a good time with you and thanks for dinner... I want things to be good I hope you know that".... wtf does that mean? Things could be 'good' in a million different ways.
I visited a different forum before coming here and basically what they told me was that WW's personality will make this likely to happen again unless she really really changes. The caller her a 'freeloader'. They suggested I cut my losses and find someone who will really love me back. I am beginning to think they were right. I am really debating what to do. I think if she asks to come visit her fam on thanksgiving I will decline saying I don't want to give them the wrong idea and offer that she can come visit me after she sees them.
Maybe I am just reading too much into things but definitely did not leave that dinner with a good vibe.
So besides that bla bla bla... life is good! Ran a 5K in my town today after hitting the gym. It was good but cold and windy! Have a 5 miler on t-day and hope to beat my time from last year. Oh and I booked my tickets for Hawaii tonight!!! Woot woot.
Might need some new GAL activities. Maybe look into becoming a personal trainer? Maybe set the marathon goal for 2017? I would like to do a tri as well. Maybe join a running group or a tri group, meet some new people.
I just read your post, not enthusiastic when talking about W. Different ummm engergy change when you started talking about you. Just an observation. From my side of the screen it doesn't seem like you're really in it.
