Good weekend so far. I found out my parents are way better off than I had realized so the main issue with my dad's job loss is the emotional toll for him.
Had a quick dinner with WW on Friday. It was good... I was very talkative for some reason which probably surprised her. Not sure what was up with that. I have been trying to figure out how to a take another step. Consoling is obviously something we need so I hope we can set that up soon though I have been letting her drive that. I suggested that it might be a good idea if she sleeps over soon with the understanding that nothing sexual would happen just to eliminate any pressure there. She was very open to the idea and I think that is the logical next step.
Saturday night I went to the same halloween party that I went to last year that really jump started my GAL and detachment from WW. It was just as fun as last year. I am sad I didn't get into halloween much before this. I went has a blue man group guy... that is a lot of blue make up! Lots of good costumes and going to a party where I do not know 90% of the people is something that I kind of enjoy now. Would never have thought that a year ago! A friend I went with gave me his opinion on my situation. Of course he thinks we should go our separate ways. I don't know. I go back and forth on what is the right path. Fight for a marriage that might not work out or throw in the towel. I am still not sure... at the moment I feel like I could go either way. I don't know... we'll see.
Meeting up with WW today in a bit... it is a beautiful late fall day up here.
Hey Pinn, glad things are going ok with your parents. I'm sure your Dad will feel strange for a bit especially as he has worked for so many years. Maybe he can take up some part-time or volunteering work to help the transition?
I think at your stage in the game it is true that it can go either way with your W but I think you are doing the right thing by moving it on to the next stage. I can't imagine how hard it must be to start over again with someone you are already married to but why don't you just start having some fun with no expectations like you would have if you had just met? Remember DB is to start with a beginners mind.....
Friends are entitled to their opinions but they don't know how you feel unless they have walked a mile in your shoes. Your Halloween party sounds like it was fun!
Me - 47 H - 45 D-16 M - 6 years Separated - May 16
Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
my take on things is that you still need time to heal and the first thing is to learn to love living by yourself. Only then it makes sense to allow yourself to love again...
Stay strong buddy, I love your idea of a costume...
Thanks Vap and Coly. I always appreciate the comments.
Vap, I actually do love living by myself. No problems with it at all (minus only one person to do the house work!). I do what I want when I want, buy what I want, whatever. I am lucky that I am able to afford the house and have this opportunity. I have been doing it for what... 15-16 months now so I am getting really good at it. I am definitely not doing anything crazy and saying hey WW, come back. But at the same time, we have been in our current state since mid June so I was thinking it might be time to try and take another step. We really need a MC session. I really want her to step on that front and book it. She does not like talking about things (part of our issue obviously, everything should be 'natural' with no problems) but she has agreed we need it.
We went out for the football game yesterday afternoon and had a great time. This is not something we really would have done in the past.
There is just so many questions in my mind. I am getting older, shes getting older, I want kids someday, and it is getting to crunch time...is this worth it? Tough spot.
Hi Pinn, I've been reading your thread on and off and want to thank you and say how grateful I am for your documenting your journey.
The current stages must seem very tiring, yet it is very helpful for those of us who's WAS are making noises about dating or returning.
Please keep up the journalling, best of luck, and remember to keep loving you.
Best wishes
M 10, T 18 M: 36, W: 35, D: 8, S: 6 EA: Oct 12 ILYBINILWY: Jan 15 BD: Aug 15 Separated: Sep 15 Miss you: Jun 16 Aug 16: Dating (!) Oct 16: Selfishness returns... currently: disgusted
Thanks SRT for stopping on by. Yea I am definitely in a weird space. Just do not want to make a mistake for my future.
In an unrelated note, I forget if I mentioned here or not, but I went to the dr today to get a bulge in my abdomen checked out. Turns out I have a decent sized hernia she thinks. I have to go see a specialist. The main problem is she said I can't do anything until then... ugh ugh ugh. I love the gym... I love hockey. I am in the best shape of my life and don't want to lose that. I worked hard to get to this point, real hard. Taking a few months off is going to be killer. I guess I can consider it a challenge to get back to the spot I am at now after this. Maybe the specialist will say I have no restrictions, who knows. ugh!
Nope, if it's hernia, there's patch work to be done...
ugh... yea that is what I am afraid of. That svcks.
Coly, yea that is not a bad idea. I could make a list of some new goals. WW invited me over to see the nieces in their Halloween costumes. It was nice. WW was very happy. Seeing her happiness with her family is something that attracts me to her.
