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Had a pretty good weekend with WW. Friday night she asked me to go watch our nieces at a halloween skating party. Then we went over their house for a bit after. It was great to see those girls.. the youngest one fell asleep on me. I don't think she would bring be around the girls if she wasn't serious. They took the break up hard.

Saturday we took off to the hotel for the night before the half marathon. Everything was good, felt normal. No R talk here. Good company, some massaging but nothing intimate. I wasn't sure how to handle the whole the bed situation so waited and waited and waited until she asked if I wanted to share the same bed.

The half marathon day was great. She was nervous so I comforted her. Lot's of hugs and pecs but still nothing overly intimate. We meet people from our running group and off we went. My time was OK, her's was great. Then we headed on home.

So everything went well. At the race, a photo was taken of us and posted on FB (evil evil evil FB). I have really only told me immediate family that we have been talking. A friend and his wife posted an 'angry' face on the pic and made some comments. Nothing directly aimed at WW, but their was a definite message their. I texted them and asked them to knock it off... it's hard enough for me without having to deal with that. I probably would not have done that pre-BD by the way. Of course WW, saw it and called me right away and she was upset, I think rightfully so actually. So I told her that I told them to knock it off and she started laying into me a bit saying I didn't say enough (after thinking about it, I think she was right). She was heated and started with some disrespectful comments, I immediately put an end to that. I told her I am not going to deal with disrespectful comments like that. She said it again... I said I am not dealing with disrespect, so until it stops I have no desire to continue talking and I hung up. She called back about 15 minutes later apologizing... apologizing not for her particular comment but apologizing for actually being disrespectful. I thought that was good. Everything has been all good since and she has said more than a few times how great the weekend was.

After reading hundreds of stories here and thinking about my own situation for 15 months, disrespect is probably the first or second deal breaker for me... she was full of it. If she wants a new marriage, that is over.

It is hard to know where to go from here. So you could say we have been slowly building things back up since mid June. But whats next? We still live apart. How do I even attempt to handle the sex issue? Is it weird that that hasn't happened yet? I don't even know if I'm ready for it. It is going to be in both of our minds. I think I will grab the sex starved marriage book. I guess consoling is the next logical step?

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Sounds like you had a good weekend Pinn and we'll done on the half marathon!

It's a shame the shine was taken off it a bit by the FB post. As much as I don't think your friends were right in expressing their feelings on FB about you and W getting back together I don't think your W handled it very well. I think she needs to understand that your friends supported you through some very dark times so are understandably nervous and concerned for you. Personally I would give your friends a break and speak with them all about what is going on and ask them again for their support. If they are indeed your friends they wil.

As far as where to go from here. I am not at that stage so hopefully someone like Blu can chime in here however have you thought of you both going to a pro marriage counsellor or even getting a DB coach?

I'm glad you posted actually. I was wondering if you pop over to the MLC board and provide some PMA on my sitch? I've been NC with H for nearly six weeks now and apart from wishing him for his birthday last Sunday I've had no communication with him. My D has had a couple of tm's with him but not seen him for the same amount of time either although he has asked to see her. I know you went a long time with no commication with your W but I am starting to feel like my H has moved on and has no intention of contacting me again. He still has a closet full of clothes here and all his belongings in the loft and garage but has made no attempt to remove them. I know you said your W was told by her therapist to go NC with you but did she tell you what result she was hoping to get?

I think your doing great Pinn!!


Me - 47
H - 45
D-16
M - 6 years
Separated - May 16

Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
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By the way, I think that's a good boundary that you have set...


Me - 47
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M - 6 years
Separated - May 16

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Hi Pinn,
I don't have much to add... I'm sorry about that. You are in foreign territory to me wink. Just know that I'm rooting for you from the sidelines and wishing you all the best.


Me- 30's H- 40's
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pinn Offline OP
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Thanks Feyth and Coly!

Coly, I will certainly stop by your thread and add some support! I had just started reading it the other day actually. I don't get around as much as I used to and focus in on a few key threads. Yours will certainly be one I look for!

Yea everything with my friends is fine.. I am sure it will all work out. They are tired of this. As my brother said... "she's been doing this to you your entire life"... can't really argue with that.

WW mentioned consoling and I agree. I would like her to push the issue though. I think we need that to figure out where to go. I think it would probably help. I did order the sex starved marriage book as well.... can't hurt to read that. At the very least it gives me different perspectives.

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I missed that last part Coly.

She never really said why she was going to an IC. She started going right as she moved out when she said she was 'confused'. I didn't pry much about it at the time. I ask her some questions about it occasionally now. She said that the IC suggested not contacting me so that it wouldn't get my hopes up. So she had that reason. I knew I felt the best from previous experience that no contact was best so we were in a stalemate, this time last year actually.

Her IC seemed to not be very good IMO. She didn't seem to work to really try to understand what was going with WW. That is why I am nervous about MC. But I guess if both people want it, then that is half the battle.

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ugh what a day (completely unrelated to my situation rant). I get an email from my father around 2:30 saying "I just wanted to let you know that I am no officially retired from XXX". My heart sunk instantly. He has been there 43 years and is 63 years old. His father worked there for over 40 years. Finances are one thing, but I had trouble imagining the emotional toll this must have taken on him. I went to their place after work. The entire time thinking about how I would handle it. Luckily, DB'ing worked here. My initial thought is to fix, fix, fix but instead I validated, validated, validated. Just listened with no pressing. Just terrible. What a broken man. I hope my visit helped a bit. I hope he recovers from this. I think the way they treated him is what hurt the must. They walked him out and it really affected him. Of course I don't know all the details but sad the way the world works sometimes.

Being selfish for a moment, It is very stressful for me and I don't normally get stressed out! I worry about my parents. They do not have a good marriage, terrible health and now this lay off. Add to that the crazy felon down the street and my own situation with WW.... jesus.

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pinn Offline OP
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I feel so terrible that as they near retirement years that my parents lives are the way they are. It is like my worst nightmare. I need to learn from their mistakes.

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I'm so sorry to hear this news Pinn. I'll keep you and your fam in my prayers. It's tough, I hope your dad is ok and this new development does not add too much undue stress onto your parents.

I know you personally are feeling the stress right now because you care so much. Just keep being a great son. Continue to give your parents love and support. Even if it's anti DB, you can even chase them a bit.... Haha. Joke. Hope you cracked a smile smile. Seriously though, it sounds like you provided a safe space for your dad to share his feelings. Great job.


Me- 30's H- 40's
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Thanks feyth! You did get an LOL out of me which is rare! You are such a great person. I envy you sometimes.

I still feel terrible this morning. I am sure my dad had visions of a grand send off when he left place ugh. This morning he sends me an email apologizing for being so emotional. All I could think was no, it's ok to be emotional, it's normal and reasonable. Holding in emotions is part of our family's problem, my problem. I just hope he is OK. He already has an alcohol dependence problem and I am so so worried that it will get worse. This is going to be harder for him than if he and my mother separated. Ugh!!

Thanks agin feyth... you are great!

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