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#2706892 09/27/16 07:36 PM
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pinn Offline OP
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Here is the start of my 6th thread on the eve of the 15th month anniversary of bomb drop. WW is coming back. I would say we are on the verge or in the early stages of piecing but... can I do this.

Old thread:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...661#Post2706661

Recap:
I have known WW since we were 10, we were neighbors. Our first real relationship started when I was 17... she dumped me 3 years later (deservedly so by the way).

The next 7-8 years we were off and on always on her terms. I went complete no contact for about 9 months when she called 7 years ago. I debated picking up that phone but I did and we got back together for 6 years, married for 2.

15 months ago so dropped the bomb, moved out 3 weeks laters and started hanging out with a felon (I don't know many details nor do I care).

After she moved out, I went NC for about 3ish months (no email, texts or anything). Then there was sporadic contact, temp checks etc Nov-March. At the end of March, I saw WW for the first time in 8 months.

The next 2 months, contact was sporadic. I gave up again until she asked if we could get together. I agreed and thought the convo did not go very well so left it at that. Our anniversary came and went, she wanted to get dinner, I declined.

We did eventually start to see each other more and more. I forget who pushed for it. But we have been 'dating' since the end of June. At the beginning it was once a week to once every 10 days or so. Last weekend we saw each other every day. She texts me a lot. Physical contact is there though not intimate. She gave me a nice apology for everything. Last weekend she mentioned going to get consoling and is definitely talking. The details are buried in the past threads (I should go back and read).

So we will see where this goes. It is scary for me to be in this spot. It is hard. In a lot of ways, NC was the easy part. We will have to talk more. I am curious if she really wants children or not. Thanks to everyone in the help getting me to this point regardless how it turns out. This board has kept me from doing some very stupid things over the past 15 months or so.

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wow. glad things are looking up! I hope things continue to go in a positive direction. Glad there are some good stories out here!


Me(W): 29 EXW: 30
T: 6 M: 2
SD: 10
BD: 04/2016
PS: 04/2016
W officially "seeing" someone 09/2016
W filed 03/2017
Officially Divorced 11/2017
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Nice going!

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Just warms my heart Pinn! You are the King of taking it slow so keep going like that.

Also thanks for your comment on my thread. Going totally dark is very hard as you know but I think it's the best thing for me at the moment and hopefully it gives H a bit of time to think....

Looking forward to hearing how it all goes!


Me - 47
H - 45
D-16
M - 6 years
Separated - May 16

Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
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Start with the light touches.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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pinn Offline OP
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welp... saw WW many times this weekend again. Friday night she came over and we just hung out. Saturday we ran a 5k, went to breakfast, then later got dinner and went to a movie. On sunday, she came over to watch some football games.

I tried to keep bonds advice in mind and started with some light touching. At the movies, I kept my hand on her leg the entire time and she grasped it. At the 5k, it was rainy and cold so there were lots of hugs and holding to stay warm. She seems to be more touchy feely than I remember. She is quicker to initiate physical touch than me. Maybe it is because I gave her the love language book a few months ago and she figured out that that might be mine? I don't know. Anyway, she seems to be making an effort to touch me more (ie hold hand, hug, arm an arm etc).

I can't tell where my head is with all this. I feel like I should be giddy. I don't feel giddy. Should I be giddy? I told my mom that we had been hanging out for a few months. She asked how I felt about that, if it made me feel happy. I said, ya know, I don't really know how I feel about it. My mom was surprised by that response. Like if she would have bailed on me for the game today, I totally would not have even cared. Anyway, we keep on keeping on. I made plans to go to a special halloween thing next weekend with a bunch of really intricate carved pumpkins. Should be fun, I have wanted to do that anyway for a while.

I feel like we should go talk to someone real soon (WW had suggested it). I am not sure how/if we can rebuild things. I guess slow and steady? Anyone have an advice on how to find a good MC?

One final question. During all of this I have been planning a trip to cali and hawaii with friends, my brother and sister in may. I definitely want to go and who knows what will be WW's deal by then. Should I tell her about this? If things progress she could go but she would be worried about the cold shoulder from the group I am sure.

Thanks everyone!

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pinn Offline OP
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Hate to bump my thread without any new news but does anyone have feedback on the questions below?

Have a great night db'ers!

Originally Posted By: pinn

I feel like we should go talk to someone real soon (WW had suggested it). I am not sure how/if we can rebuild things. I guess slow and steady? Anyone have an advice on how to find a good MC?

One final question. During all of this I have been planning a trip to cali and hawaii with friends, my brother and sister in may. I definitely want to go and who knows what will be WW's deal by then. Should I tell her about this? If things progress she could go but she would be worried about the cold shoulder from the group I am sure.

Thanks everyone!

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If you can forgive her, then your friends certainly can.

i think taking a trip together is several ladder rungs from where you are now. I think if you're going to start discussing that then it may be time to start having some discussions with her about "you" and probably with an MC.

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Hi Pinn,
Hope you are having a good week! For MC- I don't know- definitely find one who is pro marriage (if you want to save it still). You may have to do some interviewing. (Let me tell you, my ex and I did not do the research and she wasnt pro marriage and she definitely did more harm than good. She even said, marriage was a crap shoot and unnatural). So.... Make sure you find someone pro marriage and solutions based. Otherwise, he/she could very well help you get divorced.

I agree with darkness, way too soon to even bring the trip up. But i do have to ask, what part of call are you planning on visiting?!


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I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15
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pinn Offline OP
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Thanks guys... we are going to the LA area.

I think my question got a little jumbled. I am not really talking about taking a trip with her at this point. I want to know how I should go about telling her I am taking a trip. Do I just plan it and not worry about it right now? Do I just not mention it?

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