Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 2 of 10 1 2 3 4 9 10
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 2,523
C
CaliGuy Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 2,523
Yeah I was not thrilled with the timing, but its just a part of this, when would a good day be? Never right?? But I fully believe she needs this ... its another roadblock in between her and Euphoria as far as she can see ... possibly with this and some time she will do the work I pray ... not to salvage anything between us, but for her own sake, my son would get a better mother out of it and I would be all for it. There is no M anyways so its just to go ahead and close that book .... will there be another only God knows this, I long ago gave this all to Him.

I do think you too have come out the other side a better stronger person, if there is a magic bullet it is that ... all this would be for nothing if at least the ones left standing did not figure out how to rise through the ashes and become a Phoenix .... a stronger better version of who we were ... maybe this was how its supposed to be.


M: 48
W: 47
M16 T26-S8
BD Sept13



Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 6,826
Likes: 156
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 6,826
Likes: 156
Originally Posted By: CaliGuy
I fully believe she needs this ... its another roadblock in between her and Euphoria as far as she can see ... possibly with this and some time she will do the work I pray ... not to salvage anything between us, but for her own sake, my son would get a better mother out of it and I would be all for it.


You know what?

This is true love.

Much respect, Cali

Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 726
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 726
Hi Cali
Happy belated birthday.
I am one that's glad you are sticking around. Science experiment or not.
As for your divorce, mine was necessary. I really think the MLCr needs to end it all. No ties.
IN my own sitch my XW is more friendly since we are officially divorced. Not that I am looking for her as a friend but it eased the tension quite a bit.

Hang tough my friend.
Irish


M51
XW43 (38 at bd)
BD1 MAY 30 2015
BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text
moved out Aug 2 2015
left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20)
Her divorce Final July 26 2016
Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 2,077
F
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 2,077
Thanks for your continued contributions to the board, Cali. You have shown what an honorable man, father, and husband truly look like. I wish for you and your family all the healing you deserve.


M: A really long time.
Crisis: 5 years.
She's still worth it.

Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 2,523
C
CaliGuy Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 2,523
Thank you Ginger, Irish and FY ... much appreciated

So just thought I would journal a bit ... as the Science experiment continues. Couple weeks ago I think I may have mentioned in the previous thread STBX retained a lawyer, from all I can tell looks like she went with an alumni from her college. I have spoken with her a couple times (The lawyer) first was her calling me letting me know I would be served, out of a courtesy call so I was not blind sided when I shared this was not out of the blue as we have been apart for 3 years she did seem a bit surprised, I was very nice on the phone and we agreed she could go ahead and send the packet via mail and I would return within the 20 days (I am sending this out today... about a week ish after) The second call was STBX was trying to change the schedule. After I came back from China the end of June I wanted S the entire weekend, and wanted to put an end to the Sat/Sunday split we have been doing all this time and would rather have the entire weekend with or without S as I could GAL or plan some fun stuff with him. STBX agreed to "try" this ... I admittedly disregarded the "try" part of the agreement as looking long term this is something I have been trying to get for some time. So after 2 months of this arrangement without mind reading just understanding MLC STBX would be depressed on the weekends I had S as she would often find herself all alone (Guessing OM is not always available which over the past 3 years seems to be the trend). So she had the lawyer call me and try to negotiate the custody arrangement. I comprimised and split the following weekend (STBX gave up a night with S so she could go up north with OM for his B-day and would have only seen S 1-2 days that week) So I agreed to split that weekend but from then on out we go back to the every other weekend and I wanted that in writing which the lawyer agreed on, she shared it took her a bit to convince STBX but as I said if this was the first of many things we were going to hash out I felt VERY strong about this item and I was not going to budge long term.

THAT ... leads me to this .... late last week STBX texts me and lets me know her G-ma was not doing well and looks like she is about to pass. This woman who I am fond of has been in at home Hospice for the past 3-4 years. STBX asked if I would be flexible with the schedule and allow S to attend the funeral (I chuckled wondering why the lawyer was not sent for this) I kept my reply short and said I was sorry to hear of the news and 'of course'. I would like to go and pay my respects as I said I was fornd of G-ma but given all that has happened I will most likely step aside unless FIL/BIL/SIL contact me, even then I will express my condolences and explain gracefully I will not be attending.

I am curious to see how this feeds the hamster in STBXs brain which seems to be having issues with the added stress from the D movements. She showed up to S's baseball game 4 hours late Sunday and called telling him how sorry she was and how badly she felt (I had sent the schedule and all emails just 2-3 days prior). S kinda crushed her when he told her he really did not care if she was there or not.

Outside of that I have been busy, I fixed an old machine at the shop yesterday, got all dirty and had a blast doing it... that sense of accomplishment really does wonders. I also had/have someone who seems interested but I just am not there, so I am politely dodging that bullet like I am Neo from the Matrix. I have this weekend open I think I am going for a ride down the coast, grab a burger somewhere new and have a beer ... something different for a change as I continue to see what else life will toss my way.

Hope you all are well ... peace.


M: 48
W: 47
M16 T26-S8
BD Sept13



Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 229
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 229
(((( CaliGuy ))))
Whoa - nearly missed you! eek

So much has happened - Happy belated birthday.
Sorry about the D tho. Take care of yourself now that that part is behind you.
I wish you well. p.


pbetra
----
M: 15 yrs (in 2014)
BD: 6/03/2014
Infidelity ('known' from July 2014)
Denied PA Feb 2015
2 leave Mar 2015 (left early Summer). Some contact.
Back briefly 2017 (after family death)
Separated 2017

Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 3,368
Likes: 7
U
Member
Offline
Member
U
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 3,368
Likes: 7
YOU.ARE.STILL.AMAZING.

Sorry about the divorce, my friend, but, most of them need to do this.

You continue to walk this with dignity and strength. Your son has watched it and it matters.

She will be spinning some. They usually do when they start the divorce. Keep to your path.

Glad you are doing well. Never doubted for a second that you would be ok.

Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 3,132
E
Member
Offline
Member
E
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 3,132
Caliguy

I do not think I ever posted to you - I have watched from a distance and wanted to say that FWIW....

You've come along way.

As for the divorce - I think you know the drill. Treat it like a business transactions.

And from one dad to another.....you do a really good job!


"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter".
"Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!"
"Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 2,523
C
CaliGuy Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 2,523
Thank you eric .. I have seen your posts and catch myself nodding in agreement as you always give solid advice regardless if the person realizes it or not I think the seeds planted may be of as much benefit down the road with the "Ah-Ha" moment hopefully hits them.

I have come quite a long way, I am fortunate to have had many like you nudging and 2x4ing along the way .... then again if this were easy everyone would be doing it.

Yeah .. that's pretty much my approach, just another stpe in the process and I have been reflecting a bit on the M and have accepted this is for the best.

Thank you for that ... I think out of all this the fact I have become the father I have is what I am most proud of.


M: 48
W: 47
M16 T26-S8
BD Sept13



Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,902
F
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,902
Hey Cali, hope all is going well. Update when you can.


Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Page 2 of 10 1 2 3 4 9 10

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard