H filed for divorce - is it too late?

[csabo]

Zues- I'm not "keeping score". It's not about punishing him for whatever. He's not missing me, he's having his cake and eating it too, and I don't see how that's going to make him want to come back either.

I'm working on the 180s. I'm trying to be a good listener when he talks to me, but not be too readily available.

Blu- So far, it's not bothered me too much when he talks about pursuing other women, as it's been little things that aren't going anywhere. As soon as he gets something a little more serious, I think I'll have to tell him it's too hard to stay friends. But for now, I am still benefiting a little from trying to remain friends. Or, I was...

I'm cleaning, but cook only for myself and he's paying rent/bills. He's still working full-time and supporting himself through grad school.

I feel already that he is not respecting my boundaries, as I told him that he was not to bring other women here. I just found out, as I had been planning on staying at a friends tonight, that he told his friend he has the house to himself for the night so he cleaned the house and especially his room, so I feel that he thinks he can bring some other woman back here while I am gone.

I'm at a loss. I don't know what else to do. I've GAL'ed, I'e 180'ed, he doesn't seem interested in me and he seems VERY interested in other women. It's so hard.

[csabo]

I feel like the success stories are from wayward spouses coming back. Do walkaway spouses ever return?

[csabo]

H messaged his friend that tonight would be a good night to "go hunting" and asked if he could hypothetically "bang a bar skank" in his guest room.

And of course, this person who was supposed to be my friend too, says yes.

[csabo]

So, since our anniversary September 7th, he'd been being more distant. I went out of town over the weekend. Last night and this afternoon, he texted me just friendly little funny messages. One was at 9 pm saying he was tired already and felt old and the other was a little comic about introverted people that he said made him think of me.

I know it was just two little nothing messages but it felt good that he was obviously thinking of me and choosing to talk to me and be friendly, especially after the last few weeks of cold/distance.

[csabo]

So I discovered the 9 pm feeling old text he sent me was when he was at the bar where all the college kids go. I believe he went there looking for the "hot chick" he met last week. So I find it interesting that while he was out "hunting" for "bar skanks" at a college age bar, he felt too old to be there, out of place maybe or like he didn't belong, and in that time thought of me enough to try to connect with me a little.

He stayed at that bar for 2 hours still, would have been better if he realized he was making a mistake and left, but he stayed.

I'm not sure what it may mean, if anything, but I'm trying to see it as a positive sign he is still thinking of me even when he's out supposedly wanting other women.

[csabo]

Filed my answer today. It really hurt when I wrote that I wanted my last name changed back to my maiden name. I don't, but it's probably better that I change it. I also put that I wanted spousal support. I hope he's not going to get angry about it.

[Rose888]

Just out of curiosity, what's the rationale behind asking for spousal support?

[csabo]

Well, it's kind of the same rationale behind him leaving me, haha. I have depression/anxiety and have a hard time getting/keeping employment. I do currently have a job, just started a few months ago, and I'm certainly not going to try to lose it, especially now, but as winter comes and with the stress of the divorce, and with my history, I'm just not sure how long I'll have this job or how well I'll be able to support myself after the divorce is finalized.

[Rose888]

Ah. I didn't realize it worked like that.

((Csabo))

[csabo]

Found out my uncle died last night. I sent H a text to let him know, but that's all. I stayed with friends and didn't ask him for comfort. Which, I guess he didn't go home until 4:30 am anyway so I guess he wasn't planning on coming home to check on me. He messaged me when he did get home to say he hoped i was okay.