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I hate the waves of emotions!!!! I had been doing good until last week...ugh...sadness...I am better today but I wish the ups and downs would be done! I know it will get better in time...it seems like forever already....to be honest I gave my W a last hug when she got the rest of her stuff...prolly wasn't good DBing but 10 years in I didn't care at that moment.


W:42 M:48
T:9 yrs M:1yr
BD: Feb 2016
EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016
D: Feb 2017

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I'm starting to get a bit concerned. We are now 15 days from closing on the house, and my WW has not packed a single thing, and as far as I can tell hasn't secured any where to go. I don't care about her not having someplace to go, that's on her, but I don't want her to not get her stuff out of the house and prevent the closing from taking place.

I'm not sure how to address this, because on one hand I want her to make her own decisions and thus, her own successes or failures. But on the other hand, it's really going to affect me if the house is not ready for the closing.

Should I press her to make sure she is going to be out of the house in time, or should I just plan on having 40 friends on call to come to the house the day before closing and move everything to storage if she's not out?


M - 9 1/2 years
5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA
10/31/16 - We sold house
01/10/18 - D Finalized
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What would you do if it was a sibling or close friend?


Me 46 Former W 46
D19 D7
BD Feb 2016
WAW moves out 4/16/16
D final 6/1/2017

It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
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Hey Coconut. Just came across your thread today and saw your post above. I was in a similar situation a few months ago. My H moved to an apartment with just the bare minimum of clothes, furniture, pots and pans, etc. All else was left in our home. In a fit of anger and loneliness around our anniversary (after he filed), I started gathering up his stuff. I put it in our guest room where it stayed. I kept bringing it up and asking him to remove it as we were trying to sell the house. I even packed everything else up in the house...and still it sat. I finally realized I was trying to control his actions and it wasn't my problem. It was his stuff, it was important to him, so therefore his responsibility. He eventually got it out because of this. I realized that if he didn't, the new owner's could do what they wanted with it (or contact him through the real estate agent). Not my problem to fix.

Let her know its there, I guess offer to help move it if you want, but then let it go. Her stuff, her problem. Explain it to your agent. Your agent can be the one to pressure her if needed; not you. And then let go. Maybe she's making plans to move it and find a place. Maybe not. Maybe she's in denial. But believe it or not, this isn't your sitch to control. Use your agent and leave it. Just get your stuff together.

Sometimes you just have to let go of a situation. All else...not your circus; not your monkeys.


M-51 H-54
2D-27 and 25
M-26 yrs
Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15
He moved out 10-3-15
D filed 1-27-16
D final 10-27-16

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IMO, she's doing exactly the same as she was when the new buyers were coming to see the house. She expected you to jump in and do the work for her. I think you are having a problem b/c you have always taken care of her share.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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grrr... this f'n woman drives me insane. So she texts me this morning and says that she needs to back the closing date up a day because she will be going out of town for a firefighter honor guard activity.

now, this is the day that we will be closing on the house, so essentially, the first day that she will be a single mom. So I ask about what son is going to do, and she says what do you mean. LOL, who is this person. So then she decides to ask if he can stay with me, I tell her he can stay with me on Wednesday, but not Thursday (the day closing is scheduled) because I won't be around on Friday.

She says, ok, I'll figure it out. I made a comment about nothing else matters.

She responds and says she was going to ask me if I could keep him with me, but she's busy the day of the closing so what's the big deal.

I didn't bite my lip and said who cares that its the day of the closing, leaving son home alone, oh well... Fire Dept. is all that matters...

and then ended the conversation by telling her I didn't want to talk about this.


M - 9 1/2 years
5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA
10/31/16 - We sold house
01/10/18 - D Finalized
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Spent the weekend moving into my new place. I asked W to move into the MBR Friday night so I wouldn't need to worry about her sleeping in the guest room when I needed to get in there to move the bed. I slept on the couch Friday, I didn't want to sleep in the guest bedroom my last night in that house.

Moved all the furniture into the new place on Saturday, and stayed there Sat. night. I slept on the couch in the new place on Sat and Sun night, I'm not sure why, but I didn't want to get into the bed in my new place. I feel like it's symbolic somehow, but I can't seem to figure out why I just didn't want to get in bed.

I'm doing well, no weighed down in sadness, but there definitely is a sort of numbness there, I feel like I've checked into a hotel but I know this is going to be a long stay. I'm still making a bunch of trips back to the house picking stuff up, had dinner with Son last night, so still a little bit of normalcy by going to the house. I am just going to need some time to get used to my new place being home.

Not much going on between me and WW, other than saying hi in passing a few times, I haven't seen her much. She was watching TV when all my family came over to help me move, but only one person said hi to her and gave her a hug, everyone else just kinda of went about the business of moving stuff, it was a bit awkward, so she just went in her room and didn't see her again while we were moving.

Then on Sunday, she text'd me and said she had someone who wanted to buy the hottub and trampoline, but she didn't know how to drain the hottub and was asking me for help. I didn't respond to the text, but when I got to the house, I started draining the hut tub, and put the instructions on the patio table as well as the tool needed to disassemble the trampoline (which was in my tool box). I simply told her I put them on the table because I had no intention of doing anything else to disassemble either item.

Then after I left son texts me and says we are out of dog food. I didn't respond to his text because I was busy unpacking stuff, but about 5 hours later I replied and asked if mom had bought some dog food, he said "no, and she also didn't get me dunkin donuts like she told me she would". So I thought that meant she wasn't home, so I text him and said no dunkin donuts, but do you want dinner and ended up picking up something for us to eat from Olive Garden and bought some dog food. When I got to the house, she was home but she was in her bedroom, and never came out during the 1 1/2 hrs I was there.. so not sure what was going on with her.

Got to work today (a little late cause I don't have a routine at the new place) and she's not here, so I'm thinking she called out but I don't know for sure. Makes me wonder if she's either a little overwhelmed by all the stuff she needs to do to move, a little depressed about everything, or not feeling well. I have no idea, and the only way to know would be to ask, so I guess I'll never know. Doesn't matter anyway, this is where we are at, and I have enough to do without worrying about her.

I can't say enough how amazed I am at how much sadness I feel about not living in my house, not living with my son or dogs, but almost no sadness about not living with WW. There is definitely a sense of relief that I no longer have to deal with her on a daily basis, and finally feel like I'm going to really begin building my new life without her.


M - 9 1/2 years
5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA
10/31/16 - We sold house
01/10/18 - D Finalized
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Hey Coconut... Read through your entire sitch and while I don't have any real advice for you just wanted to say that reading it really helped me. Made me realize I am not alone with the roller coaster of emotions that happen. Just wanted to let you know I appreciate you sharing your story.


Me:37 W:30
S10 S9 D3
M-Sept 2004 D-Nov 2007
Reconcile Sept 2010
Re-Married Sept 2014
BD ILYBNILWY - April 2016
W Wants to Move to Apartment - Sept 2016
W Moved to Apartment - Nov 10 2016
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Matw,

you are not alone on this rollercoaster. The trick is to try and level out the ups and downs so they are not so severe, and that comes with time. Just remember, your emotions are on overdrive, you can't control that, but focus on your reactions to those extremes, you can control your reactions.

Just cause your angry doesn't mean that you need to react to that anger (at least towards your W), try and find a way to get through this period without doing anything that you will regret long term. If I had to do it all over again, I would of tried harder to S from my wife and go dark, let some time pass while my emotions calmed down. I think that would have made a big difference.


M - 9 1/2 years
5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA
10/31/16 - We sold house
01/10/18 - D Finalized
Joined: May 2016
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Ok, so a hurricane has a way of making not fixing problems very difficult. I cannot ignore things that need to be done to minimize damage to the house, because we are supposed to close last week. That means helping to get rid of trampoline that she's been ignoring for the last two months, hot tub, patio table, outdoor pool table, etc.

So I've now taken on some of that responsibility, but on a positive note, I made it very clear I was not doing the shutters myself and had WW and S lugging them around the house and helping to install them. Also, W had to go somewhere kinda far today, and made a comment about how she didn't know if her car would make it since she has a donut on (since her tire blew and she doesn't have cash to replace), I just said I can see how you'd be worried and drive safe. I didn't offer up my truck, but truth be told, it really is half hers so if she'd asked I would of given her the keys, but she didn't ask so I didn't offer.

I told her I'm going to spend the night there tomorrow because of the storm, if something happens I would want to be there to keep her and son safe, I don't want to see anything bad happen to either. But as soon as we were done putting up shutters today, I took off to my place, she wanted me to stay for dinner but I didn't want to increase interaction more than I need to.


M - 9 1/2 years
5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA
10/31/16 - We sold house
01/10/18 - D Finalized
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