Two days until 20th. I am very nervous. What do I say. Do I say anything. I know I can't wish her a happy anniversary. I have never forgotten it in the past.
Someone asked what would I do if we were really separated. To be honest, I would probably say something. Not Happy Anniversary but Maybe I will just state I have not forgotten the day's significance. This is suppose to be a milestone not a time for anxiety.
I have a session with my D.B. coach tomorrow hoping to get the answer, If there is a correct answer.
Don't count the days, make the days count. Mohammad Ali
Today is my 20th anniversary. Needless to say my situation isn't what I had hoped for on this day. Thankfully I was able to have a telephone coaching session yesterday. I discussed appropriate actions to take. Do's and don'ts.
My coach agreed that the following message that I texted to my wife would not go against the DB game plan. This is what I sent
20 years ago today, I married my best friend. I don't know what the future has in store, however, I do know that August 31, will always be meaningful.
Her reply, "I agree, the date holds good memories and will always be meaningful". Have a good day at work.
I am unsure what king of response I wad expecting, if any, but I am happy I did receive a vague but positive response. I will continue to treat today as any other day. There has been no I love you's, no gift, no card. I have never forgotten our anniversary and have always given her a gift and taken her out to a nice place for dinner.
Tonight I am preparing a dinner that I have never prepared before. Part of the 180. Not doing anything is very difficult for me.
Don't count the days, make the days count. Mohammad Ali
I like that text. And she validated it!! Don't read too much into that but beats a negative or no reply. Move on and we'll see what no. 21 has in store.
Best wishes.
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
Still waiting in limbo and I hate it. I believe she is waiting for me to start the conversation, as I have always done in the past. Which of coarse has never accomplished anything positive.
I admit I am tired of the situation. All interaction is positive. All conversations have been cordial although on occasion she has said things which I believe are meant to belittle me and get me to reacted offensively. I don't take the bait
I let it slide. Once I did ask her not to be "snarky". If that is actually a word and left it at all that.
I sometimes want to force her hand and ask her to "[censored] or get off the pot". Excuse my language but I am tired of the living arrangements. If she wants to live here it should not be as a room mate but as a wife. A little respect for my feelings would be nice. I won't kick her out but she is not being fair to me and if she truly wants out, she is not being fair to herself. I suspect the only reason she hasn't left is because of the kids. I know our kids will be better off with parents who are married because they want to be, not because of the kids.
I realize that her leaving may be inevitable. As much as I want her here, I think it would be better for her to get a real taste of separation and actually left.
Any ideas how to get her to initiate a marriage conversation. If she doesn't I may have to and I know it's taboo in the divo cue busting play book
Don't count the days, make the days count. Mohammad Ali
Bhuda1 - I just noticed your thread for the first time. Living in limbo is a difficult position. I do confess that I've only browsed through to get some highlights. If I understand it correctly: - Your W was unhappy with the MR abut a year ago and said she wanted out - You've detached and withdrawn most affection from her - You're working hard on improving yourself and those things that your W was upset with - There is no indication of her having an A - She seems largely happy with how things are going and isn't pushing for any changes - You say that her leaving "may be inevitable" but she's not appearing to be making any move towards the exit nor is she pushing you out.
Are these the general facts of the situation?
One thing that I haven't seen - have either of you attended counseling? Have you considered marriage counseling?
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I suggested it when the bomg was dropped and she shot that idea down emphatically. No counselling in the cards. From what I have read is that marriage counsellor's really do not help. The only professional I would consider is Michele. Unfortunately my spouse would not agree to the cost. She has no problem adding to her shoe collection but spending money on a marriage coach, I would be surprised if she w
Don't count the days, make the days count. Mohammad Ali
Bhuda1 - Perhaps you may want to consider visiting and IC yourself? You need to build yourself up and get the tools you need to thrive and grow to become a better husband and man.
If cost is a concern I notice that you are from Ontario as well. My IC is associated with the local health unit and I got a referral from my family doctor. She's been great in giving me tools to control racing thoughts and as just a kindly ear to listen.
When you have a chance some answers to the other questions about the general facts of your situation would help us understand your predicament more and offer some more concrete suggestions.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
on occasion she has said things which I believe are meant to belittle me and get me to reacted offensively. I don't take the bait
You have also said she would get very b'tchy. Have you stopped to consider that she is trying to see if you have the b@lls to stand up to her when she b'tches and belittles you?
Do you normally react offensively? No, b/c you are a nice-guy. So, you just hunker down and take whatever she's dishing out......which is not attractive in men. When she is belittling you, that's the time to stand up to her.
A woman will not respect a man who she can b'tch & belittle and he does nothing about it. You say you are tired of living this way. Are you?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I went through 2+ years of limbo like this. It was a living hell. I got sick of it, found my strength, and filed for divorce. Her getting served snapped her out of her MLC funk and she realized what she was going to lose. I went from the pursuer, to the 180 guy moving on with his life, to the pursued. We're still together because I refused to sit around waiting for her to decide.
It's also very important for you to become the absolute best version of yourself you can be. Let her see the improvement. Let her see you getting out there, being happy, and having fun without her. It works.
