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Glad you had a good weekend with the girls.

Wrt w's crazy antics. Psssh, leave her to it. Her circus! It isn't right that she spews at d too, but that just shows the kinda crisis she is going through. Just show those girls that you are a lighthouse for them. Steady, strong and consistent, that's what they need. W is all over the show, so we must stay steady.


Me 26 H 25
M 4
T 5
Baby born 4/14
BD: 1/15
EA: 2/15
PA: 4/15
reconciling: 4/15
ILYBINILWY- 11/15
ILY-1/16
ILYBNILWY 4/16
ILY 6/16
ILYBINILWY 6/16
Baby due 3/17
BD 8/16
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Listen up true believers.... wow SH, another comic book nerd like myself. Not a big surprise, introverted self, and the idealized concept of larger than life heroes go hand in hand.

Like Phoebe, I read every word (you had me at Hulk, and Phoebe, your reply was as amazing as they come). Interesting choices of heroes SH. About the Hulk, so being a true comic nerd, I have sought to nerd up my son. Comics gave me much restitution a a kid, I hope they do for him. When I was still having serious anger control issues, around when s5 was s3/s4 he first asked me why I "had the Hulk in your blood". This shook me to the core. A kid that young, saying so much with so little.
As I reviewed myself, Hulk was a true modern day Jeckyl and Hide. The well intentioned under the radar Banner who can transform into an illogical reptilian minded animal when releasing rage. That was how my son chose to describe me in those times. My son saw me as a loving, caring man, who once provoked, could turn into a monster which had no relationship with anything sensible or caring. Wow, that cut me to the bone. You saw the Hulk inside you? More like my Demon, and your "Darkness".
And now Logan - the impenetrable bastion of introverted justification. Wants to be left alone so that he may have time to reconstruct himself. Capable of love and love entire, but looses them all, usually to some horrifying event of supernatural happenstance which becomes yet another log to fuel his reasons for remaining inside his own mind. When the Wolverine fights, his concern is not of right or wrong, but of issuance of pain and suffering to those he feels earned it, driven by his own pain and suffering which he feels he does not deserve, but knows he somehow earned via the guilt of why the women he loves are continually lost in a way that he knows deep down relates back to him. The Wolverine's sentence, he cannot be killed, he can feel pain and hurt, but it goes away, Stan Lee titled this power "the healing factor", but it really isn't. Wolverine's body heals, but his mind remembers-and thus perpetuation.

The beauty of Lee's creations and life's work are that all of these superheroes poses inherent flaws. All of them, Dr. Strange got into a car accident and it humbled his conceit at being the world's greatest surgeon, Silver Surfer was condemned to a life of following a mission he did not always believe in so that he may protect the love of his life via not letting their planet get consumed, Northstar of Alpha Flight was the worlds best skier living in fear all may find out he uses his mutation for speed and flight to dominate. All of them have inherent flaws. But what makes them super heroes while we read their journey? The action panels excite us, but the reading in between reveals a quest of self - who am I and where did I come from - Logan. How can I control this rage inside me - Banner. They all examine the cards they were dealt, they all see understanding about their lives, and then they try so hard to use these pains and talents to do the right thing while always feeling like there is still something wrong.

SH, Phoebe raised the idea of simple human. Is this not unlike Banner, who had a life altering event which he had to spend the rest of his life learning to comprehend, or Logan, who was born into being just slightly different, but passable when he could cover it up? Pain and difference is a normal part of the human experience. It is how we seek to understand ways which we may channel pain and difference that have the potential to make us heroes, it is our acknowledgement that the pain and difference will never go away so we choose to learn how these can turn us into a force for good which makes heroes "super".

This was just the nerdiest post perhaps ever written into the world of DB forums, but I don't care as long as you heard the message sir. May I suggest, if so bold, Semper Heros - latin for always a hero. Secret identity revealed, the CT in my name here is for Cum Triumpho, Latin for "with triumph", I knew from the start what my end game was, just not how to get there. You're a better man for knowing who your heroes are, now who are you a hero to? Like many here in DB world, you are one of my heroes, because your effort, integrity, and insight on your self for the sole sake of understanding why you sir are you, and how you can not only do, but be better, fulfills my definition of superhero.

I was just stopping in to read tonight, but saw your post and it prompted. I could take my WAS position and blame you for costing me 20minutes of livid brain dump onto your thread when I could have been working on my classes, but instead I will thank you for giving yet another beautiful honest look at you which offered me a chance to look at myself. This is the entire point of DB in MHO and the definition of heros - helping others while unknowingly advancing ourselves. Be well to night my friend.


"There is no more important fight than the one for ourselves. Keep on winning." Ginger1, Read her newbies.
BD: Feb '16
D: Mar '17
Piecing: Putting the self back together was my piecing.
S6


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SH:

Thanks for dropping by my thread. Yes, I try to get out on the bike everyday. Getting a bike is one of the cornerstones of my GAL. I highly recommend it. What state are you in? Are you a winter state or can you ride year round like they do in California, Arizona, Florida, etc.

If I can squeeze in the time, I'll go for the test in the next few weeks. In Ontario you don't have to take a safety course to get a licence.

I read your journal entry - very tough. Mothers and daughters - very tough. Right now my D20 never sees W and I'm sure W does very little to reach out and rebuild a relationship since S.

We are rooting for you.


M:50
W:53
MR:20
D:21
S:17
S:11
BD-Sept 2015
Suspected PA Sept 2015-Confronted W & OM Dec 2015
Actually EA
In house Sep:Jan/16-May 2016
W moved out:May 22 2016
OM-Intro Oct/17-On scene July/Aug 2017
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Just stopping by to say hello, friend.


H: 44, Me: 45
Married: 20 y Together: 25 y
no kids
Walk away: 12/15
Asked for temp separation 12/25/15
PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had)
H filed for D 5/16
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Just checking in with my online dad. (though I think the only way you could be my father is if you were a very young teenage dad lol)


M 10yrs T 13yrs
BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW
BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off
Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce
April '17-Letting go
2018 D busted
DD8, DS6, DS3
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Originally Posted By: roist
Many people wait to decide a certain thing/or do a specific action because it will be better after A B or C has occurred. But life is full of interactions and A depends in X Y Z, B depends on l M N and C depends on F G H. Each of these depend on factors which depend on these conditions but also affect them.

Long story short, there is never a perfect time, where everything alignes itself for one single decision/action. We often put off what we should have done due to waiting for ideal conditions.

I had an impromptu few beers with a friend tonight so I reserve the right to reread and edit tomorrow.Only mentioning this to let you know I am still.living despite my situation. I have tended to only come here to evacuate issues on my threads, but to assure you I live a little too.

As for my extended visit to.this thread, it was.my choice. But you arewelcome.

I have decided to avoid newbies forbthebshort term, but will check in on a handful of my usual dbers. However please drop over to my new thread as shortly I will finish with the one here in newcomers.I have a few replies to Zephyr. After that my story continues elsewhere.

Best wishes


HAHA roist, this made me chuckle. laugh
You are good people to check in on me even after a few beers.
I know you are truly a friend.
I hope our paths can cross some day so i can buy you a beer....
I don't drink, but it would be my pleasure.

No worry about the edits...
I get what you are saying. wink
I will be over to check in on you with the new location of your story.
I will be observing more form the shadows and hiding out in my lair for a spell until I can truly heal up some of the more festering wounds and calm my approach some.

My good friend, my prayers are with you and I know in my heart that all will be well for you and when you come out the other side of all this, you will be in a phenomenal place.

And seriously, I know it was your choice to hang out and reply, I was teasing, but I know you get that...
A few beers and you are fired up. HAHAHA laugh


Me 46 Former W 46
D19 D7
BD Feb 2016
WAW moves out 4/16/16
D final 6/1/2017

It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
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Cherry, out little firecracker here in Db world.
Thank you so much for your kind words and checking in on me.
You are a phenomenal young lady, and I just have visions of such a good future for you. There will be challenges, but you seem to grow stronger each day from it. You keep it up!
I will be watching you and cheering you every step of the way.

bigy,
I do live in a state that has almost year round riding. There are a few m ninths that get to be a bit too hot and not so good. i look forward to finally getting on with that part of my goals.
Watching the relationship deteriorate between d18 and her mother is tuff to watch. D18 is behaving like the mature adult....
But I know that I must stand back and let them do what they need for themselves.
Thank you for the support and swinging by.

Quote:
Just checking in with my online dad. (though I think the only way you could be my father is if you were a very young teenage dad lol)


LOL, Sara....oh my blood pressure when reading your update that evening....
I am doing well. Just licking some wounds and trying to put some pieces back in place. I see that your challenges are still on the roller coaster....
I hope that you can really step back. You have put in so much work, and now it is time for his spinning top to spin itself out....
You just don't have to be in the vicinity while he does......
I will be observing and when ever I can share some thoughts, please shout out to me.

Phoebe!!
Ugh!!! I am so sorry about your weekend. I pray that you can have a week go by with nothing but pure joy and happiness. But you are doing the work and I know that it will pay off.
((((Phoebe)))))


Me 46 Former W 46
D19 D7
BD Feb 2016
WAW moves out 4/16/16
D final 6/1/2017

It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
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Originally Posted By: CT1118
Listen up true believers.... wow SH, another comic book nerd like myself. Not a big surprise, introverted self, and the idealized concept of larger than life heroes go hand in hand.

Like Phoebe, I read every word (you had me at Hulk, and Phoebe, your reply was as amazing as they come). Interesting choices of heroes SH. About the Hulk, so being a true comic nerd, I have sought to nerd up my son. Comics gave me much restitution a a kid, I hope they do for him. When I was still having serious anger control issues, around when s5 was s3/s4 he first asked me why I "had the Hulk in your blood". This shook me to the core. A kid that young, saying so much with so little.
As I reviewed myself, Hulk was a true modern day Jeckyl and Hide. The well intentioned under the radar Banner who can transform into an illogical reptilian minded animal when releasing rage. That was how my son chose to describe me in those times. My son saw me as a loving, caring man, who once provoked, could turn into a monster which had no relationship with anything sensible or caring. Wow, that cut me to the bone. You saw the Hulk inside you? More like my Demon, and your "Darkness".
And now Logan - the impenetrable bastion of introverted justification. Wants to be left alone so that he may have time to reconstruct himself. Capable of love and love entire, but looses them all, usually to some horrifying event of supernatural happenstance which becomes yet another log to fuel his reasons for remaining inside his own mind. When the Wolverine fights, his concern is not of right or wrong, but of issuance of pain and suffering to those he feels earned it, driven by his own pain and suffering which he feels he does not deserve, but knows he somehow earned via the guilt of why the women he loves are continually lost in a way that he knows deep down relates back to him. The Wolverine's sentence, he cannot be killed, he can feel pain and hurt, but it goes away, Stan Lee titled this power "the healing factor", but it really isn't. Wolverine's body heals, but his mind remembers-and thus perpetuation.

The beauty of Lee's creations and life's work are that all of these superheroes poses inherent flaws. All of them, Dr. Strange got into a car accident and it humbled his conceit at being the world's greatest surgeon, Silver Surfer was condemned to a life of following a mission he did not always believe in so that he may protect the love of his life via not letting their planet get consumed, Northstar of Alpha Flight was the worlds best skier living in fear all may find out he uses his mutation for speed and flight to dominate. All of them have inherent flaws. But what makes them super heroes while we read their journey? The action panels excite us, but the reading in between reveals a quest of self - who am I and where did I come from - Logan. How can I control this rage inside me - Banner. They all examine the cards they were dealt, they all see understanding about their lives, and then they try so hard to use these pains and talents to do the right thing while always feeling like there is still something wrong.

SH, Phoebe raised the idea of simple human. Is this not unlike Banner, who had a life altering event which he had to spend the rest of his life learning to comprehend, or Logan, who was born into being just slightly different, but passable when he could cover it up? Pain and difference is a normal part of the human experience. It is how we seek to understand ways which we may channel pain and difference that have the potential to make us heroes, it is our acknowledgement that the pain and difference will never go away so we choose to learn how these can turn us into a force for good which makes heroes "super".

This was just the nerdiest post perhaps ever written into the world of DB forums, but I don't care as long as you heard the message sir. May I suggest, if so bold, Semper Heros - latin for always a hero. Secret identity revealed, the CT in my name here is for Cum Triumpho, Latin for "with triumph", I knew from the start what my end game was, just not how to get there. You're a better man for knowing who your heroes are, now who are you a hero to? Like many here in DB world, you are one of my heroes, because your effort, integrity, and insight on your self for the sole sake of understanding why you sir are you, and how you can not only do, but be better, fulfills my definition of superhero.

I was just stopping in to read tonight, but saw your post and it prompted. I could take my WAS position and blame you for costing me 20minutes of livid brain dump onto your thread when I could have been working on my classes, but instead I will thank you for giving yet another beautiful honest look at you which offered me a chance to look at myself. This is the entire point of DB in MHO and the definition of heros - helping others while unknowingly advancing ourselves. Be well to night my friend.


CT.....
Where do I begin...
I have read your post at least a half a dozen times....
The passion...
The sincerity..
The insight...

I am truly touched at the message you share here...
And the gratitude that you provide me....

You very eloquently share much of my thoughts and you know what....
If anyone finds it nerdy....
Well, then they miss out on the message....

My parents chose not to have a TV in our home when growing up, so much of my "entertainment" was in the form of comic books and science fiction novels.
I used to be somewhat ashamed of being the comic book, cartoon, science fiction guy....
But not any more....
Not sure when I stopped caring what folks thought, and now many ask me questions and thoughts about it...
Hollywood has made it a bit more mainstream...

But I like you, actually looked more at the driving story between all of the "action".
Stories that are bigger than life have always been part of human history...
I mean lets look at greek mythology, roman mythology, the old west outlaws and hero's, heck even many stories about armies in war are built up...

One of my favorites is the Watchmen. It is focused so much more on the story than any actions...and it really focuses on the flaws of the stories SuperHero's....
Yet the nobleness of the choices that were made.

But anyway, my point is not to convince, it is to thank you from the bottom of my heart for your sharing...
I know I will read it a dozen more times at least....

Thank you my friend.
My DB brother
I tip my hat
and I give you a big manly (comic book nerd) virtual hug (((CT)))


Me 46 Former W 46
D19 D7
BD Feb 2016
WAW moves out 4/16/16
D final 6/1/2017

It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
Joined: Mar 2016
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Updates and journaling.
The weekend was really nice with my girls.

The joy and happiness of D6 is just so…
almost palpable...
What a sweet spirit she is.
She was goofing off in the kitchen while D18 and I were registering for the Hot Chocolate Run coming up in December...
Yes, I said Hot Chocolate 5k run...running and Chocolate...lots'o chocolate....How sweet is that!??!?!?!
LOL
Anyway, she was supposed to be watching her show Lab Rats, (that she has got me hooked on by the way. If anyone needs a completely LBS friendly show and laughs, it is pretty good.) But was in the kitchen playing around, when we heard a BANG!...Then a squeal...then her crying.
D18 ran out and when she did not holler to me, I knew she would be okay...…but she cried and cried so I went out to see what was going on.
D6, is a bit of a drama queen....and was kind of carrying on....
I got frustrated a bit and started grilling her about what happened and when it came out she was "playing"in the kitchen, I asked her what we have discussed about that....
I may have gone on a bit longer than I should have and D18 called me out and asked if I could continue the interrogation after d6 calmed down.
I knew she was right, but the emotion of anger started, as ego kicked in...…I held it down. Picked up my baby girl and carried her into my bedroom, set her down, calmed her down, told her I loved her and then we had a pleasant conversation about the do's and don't of the kitchen.
The child likes to put a blanket on her head and wander around...she has gotten a bit taller in the last months and her nose is right at counter level...yup, walked right into it.
Crazy child of mine....
All is well and I have another lesson of maintaining calm, make my fatherly point, but with more appropriate timing.

So, I have a decision to make, as Saturday morning when d^ woke up, she announced to me that she had a good dream.
I asked her what it was.
She said that she dreamed that she was at her grandma's house during fall break.
I said, nice.
She said, Gma invited her and her mom to visit.
Gma lives in another state.

I knew what this meant...
So I saw STBX as she picked D6 up Sunday to attend a church program as we had agreed earlier in the week.
Saw her at pick up and when she dropped D6 back....
She did not mention anything...

Then late last night I receive a text asking what my plans were during the week of d6 all break.
I replied that I was looking at options for the Monday, Wednesday and Thursday for that week.
She replied, only Wed. and Thursday and that she wanted to take D6 with her to visit her parents.
I replied that Monday was the holiday....
(The is a point, because on Labor Day, it was my Monday and Tuesday with D6. When I asked her what time she would drop of, she was a little sarcastic in telling me that it was a holiday after a weekend and that the D paperwork said that the parent with the child on the weekend gets that Monday as well....Okay.
Lesson learned for me to pay more attention to those details.
Interesting one month later, she does not remember the detail she pointed out to me???
You are right...it does not matter, but where is the rub....
She replies,
Oh. Ok. Well if you can't find a daycare for her that week. I would like to to take her to Utah.
30 seconds later..
Are you trying to take work off?
Forget someone to babysit?

I chose not to reply...
Her emails are sporadic and based on pst text or phone conversations tend to lead to a blow up.

So, my decision and what I am praying for guidance is,

1. Let her take D6, because I know D6 loves seeing her grandparents, and there is benefit for my D in that relationship.

2. STBX wanted 6 weeks in D paperwork for vacation time per year...My L said no way! 2 weeks, and anything more can be decided by us when we can be cordial about it. STBX already took D6 for 2 weeks over the summer. I also know a storm is brewing because she wants 2 more weeks in December to go to her parents. Tell her no, because she has already taken the time.

3. Let her do it, knowing that will squash all future debate for December....

Option 1 is me looking out for D6, but may be giving to much rope....
Option 2 seems the most fair to keep balance and peace until we can co parent and communicate effectively.
Option 3, I know just seems a way to gain leverage and not so sure I want that to be my style.

So I will pray and meditate on it, make a decision and accept what ever may be.


Me 46 Former W 46
D19 D7
BD Feb 2016
WAW moves out 4/16/16
D final 6/1/2017

It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
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Posts: 1,654
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Sorry but I missed a step,why is W only allowed 2 weeks holidays a year? Seems little to me, but if that is the legal arrangement, then good for you.

Firstly know exactly your rights. Reread the small print!! That will let you know what you can do. Maybe before posting you did that, but it us the first step

Secondly, what suits you? As you have no plans in place maybe nit having D suits so you don't have to take time off. Only you can decide. But make sure your reasons are good ones and correlate with my question.

Here is where it gets sticky. You are not obliged to but consider the bigger picture and all its complexities.
# if W pushes and bends the agreement and gets her way, it sets a precedence that should be nipped in the bud IMO. This does nit mean say no, but she needs to know it is your decision.
# falling back on the agreement with robot rigidity would achieve this BUT for me its not Simply Human and it is not you.
# you can be flexible without being a doormat. Whereas I realise the importance of sticking to an agreed structure especially in early separation, I believe life presents problems and opportunities at random that we humans should adapt to.
# hardcore tough love dbers will state she needs to fee consequences. There is logic to that, but it should not be the reason behind your decision again IMO.

Me personally would prefer to have my kids for Christmas. So I would probably be flexible now but be upfront about sticking to your agreement for the Christmas holidays. You could swap things out for the fall breakand let your D go until Wed and then you have her Thursday and Friday plus weekend.

Good luck with your decision.


R 25 years
M 14 years
S11 & S13
Working on it alone since Oct 2014
M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years)
Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr.
Next R chat Aug'17
Still together
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