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CaliGuy Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: Fogg
Hey Cali, hope all is going well. Update when you can.


I had missed this Fogg, sorry ... does seem for me the updates are few and far between mostly just due to the fact MLC crazy is just that and I admittedly have developed some thick skin & boundaries where I do not allow much to get in anymore, There are some things going on I thought I would "Captain-Log" in if you will, just to keep a timeline in place and update some events that I feel warrant it, only time will tell if anything comes out of it.


Ok so on the MLCr front. For those not aware her Childhood trauma occurred when she was 14 from what I can gather sometime in November. During our 26 (wow almost to the day on the 10th) years November was always a trying month which I chalked up to the Holiday-Blues thing.... she would often pick a fight or attempt a break up over the years, turns out there was trauma and the root of all this activity only took 25 years to learn this.
So the TM activity has been picking up lately mostly concerning S9, either school, custody, wanting to swap days, scheduling holidays etc (But often things that do not warrant a TM). I have kept replies very short ... but not afraid of calling BS on her proposed Holiday Schedule Proposal which was nothing short of selfish on her part. I did sacrifice Halloween which was my night and let her take him that night in an effort to even the 'un-fairness that I have had him most Holidays this year',I was not invited and did not receive even a pic of him in his costume ... I did however get asked to pay for half of the costume she bought .... though I have yet to see it (She has also not received $$ for this nor am I inclined to do so).
So one new thing is the passing of her grandmother which was this morning. Not a shock as its been something the family has been preparing for, this woman almost made it to 101. MLCr texted me Saturday asking if I would take S so she could say her goodbyes, which I gladly did (bonus S time) ... she wanted to swap Sunday for Sunday, however I have fought long and hard to eliminate the split weekends and am cynical of her pulling anything to change the current set up, so I offered Sunday for Tuesday instead telling her I made plans for he and I this coming weekend which she accepted. I imagine these plans may be all for not given the funeral but we will see what happens there.

I am not sure what if anything this loss will do, I found myself thinking about it ... if she lives to 100 (seems women on her side live forever and a day) our S would be 64 and most likely as the only child held responsible for her, just a random "WTF poor kid" thought. I question if this makes her think about her current life and the choices she has made ... was nothing more than a shrug type thought and something I will guard against as this time of year she has in the past pointed out what a mess her life is.

I have yet to hear anything on the D front after I sent in the paperwork, nor am I really anxious about it .. it happens when/if it happens. I have been window shopping for Condos, I may even move into a bigger place when my current lease is up and start acquiring furniture I had long since lost in the split with the thought I will have to furnish the condo I purchase in 2018 (Long term Goal #1 at the moment)

Other than that I have been very busy with work and GALs. I have a pretty good routine however Softball is over till Feb. As I mentioned I was dating a bit over the summer but as of now I am just not there, no time and no interest really for whatever reason. So I am back to just me and GALs... I think I am just waiting to see where Gods wind blows me and trying to be quiet enough to read the signs and continue on my path. I have been reading a bit more and attempting to improve in some key personal areas .... day by day hoping to be better than the last accepting it took 40 some years to get 'this' way and allowing myself time to get to my goal.


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Cali,

I am so sorry that she is being selfish about things. I'm also sorry you didn't get to see your son in his costume. Hopefully she'll send you a photo at some point.

I'm also sorry to her about her grandmother. She lived a very long time and saw a lot of things happen in the last 101 years. Can you just imagine the history she took to her grave?

You might not hear anything on the D front for quite some time. She might be one of those that drags her feet after talking about it for a while. You just never know.

I'm glad you are staying busy What are you doing for Thanksgiving this year? Are you going to be w/your family or friends ... or are you staying in and cooking for yourself?

Cali, you've come a long way, fought the battle and no matter what happens you are an inspiration to everyone.

Hang in there!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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CaliGuy Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: job
Cali,

I am so sorry that she is being selfish about things. I'm also sorry you didn't get to see your son in his costume. Hopefully she'll send you a photo at some point.

Oh its ok job, I really was not all that upset ... full disclosure I allowed her to take him so I could pull a bunos gig and I made some money so it all worked out really ... given all the things she has done this sadly isnt on the "Get upset about" list ...lol

Originally Posted By: job

I'm also sorry to her about her grandmother. She lived a very long time and saw a lot of things happen in the last 101 years. Can you just imagine the history she took to her grave?

I was fond of this woman. She did not speak a lick of English but we hit it off day one. Funny story .. while we were dating I was at her house during one of the Holidays and helping move some heavy food filled platters to the table, Gma pinched my butt and I freaked .... I shared what had happened with W and she never believed me ... this went on for years till one day Gma got sloppy and got caught buy SIL pinching my goods. I was finally Vindicated and everyone laughed at my years of molestation from Gma who was sly enough to get away with it all those years.

Originally Posted By: job

You might not hear anything on the D front for quite some time. She might be one of those that drags her feet after talking about it for a while. You just never know.

Yeah .. sadly I am pretty much expecting this, its been 3 years now so I would not be surprised if it never happens.

Originally Posted By: job

I'm glad you are staying busy What are you doing for Thanksgiving this year? Are you going to be w/your family or friends ... or are you staying in and cooking for yourself?

Cali, you've come a long way, fought the battle and no matter what happens you are an inspiration to everyone.

Hang in there!


I have him Thanksgiving day and have already been instructed on what I HAVE to cook for the 9 year old dictator. Seems the spread we have had over the past couple years is growing and required for survival.

Thank you job for all your kind words and everything that you do here


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Hi Cali

You always seem to have it together. Glad thanksgiving you are with your son.

Nice to read your memories of your wife's family. It shows you really cared for that part of your life. You didn't erase it.

Keep showing us how it's done

Irish


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BD1 MAY 30 2015
BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text
moved out Aug 2 2015
left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20)
Her divorce Final July 26 2016
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Actually, the divorce happens when you say it happens. It's a way to close the chapter and at this point, I strongly suggest you pursue it. If nothing else, it'll be a good idea.
I know for me, I was ready to when I got the agreement and divorce papers in one weekend. smile

Quote:
day by day hoping to be better than the last
And taking the steps to do so. I'm very happy to login and see this, Cali. You're a true leader and inspiration. You live your life like you talk. I admire that integrity but also know it's not for everyone.

In my experience, it's best for all concerned to not leave anything dangling. Don't wait on her. You did what you could, but it's not in your control, right?

What's on the menu for Thanksgiving?

AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
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"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
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{{{{{ Cali }}}}}

You rock, as always! You've come through so much and are such a stand up person, Cali. I'm glad you're moving forward and really glad you have S for Thanksgiving. I also have my S this year. May yours be a day of new and wonderful memories with you and your precious boy xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Ok ... its been about a month so just thought I would update, not really much movement or anything but I do still want to keep the log up to date as I can ya know in the running spirit of the science project and all.

MLCr update: .... I struggle to call her wife/ex-wife/stbx .. whatever so I have just resorted calling her my MLCr in posts here. Does not really matter but for whatever reason its still strange to me on just what to call her. Anyways about the only thing of note was this week, I contacted her to discuss S9's Christmas list, he had shared it with me and I covertly took a picture as he still believes in Santa (W and I did agree to let him find out on his own and be traumatized as we all were in our youth). So he had his list and I just wanted to make sure we did not double up. 2013 we did the 'fake family' Christmas. 2014 I set the boundary and it was 2 separate ones as I was not going to allow any more cake eating at that time. 2015 we were back together and had a normal (well ... sorta Fog Bank Normal) one. This year back to separate. So she replies back with what she had got him, I start to remove items out of my Santa-Amazon cart and I just sat there with this dumbfounded look .... like seriously the WTF look.
She has ALWAYS been frugal, ALWAYS .... like she would spend $20-40 TOPS on any gift. I typically go big this time of year, always have. The things she got S9 totaled out more than what we spent combined on S9 last year, and thats saying something as I kinda went nuts for him last year. Usually she would have at the least approached me to split it ... not one word. Just to put my shock into perspective, I would have bet on Trump asking Hillary to be his VP before I would have bet my MLCr would have spent more than $100 on anyone for one Holiday.
Maybe guilt, maybe she is trying to do something with the financials for the D paperwork I am not sure, and I typically have a great mind-reading hat I wear but this one did shock me .... other than posting it here I let it go with a shrug but it is in the archive of the great MLC mysteries of 2016 I would love to know the answer to someday.


Other than that, I have been really busy. Day job has been going very well we have been laying out the expansion groundwork and adding new equipment. I am not sure if I mentioned it here but I took another night of DJing on ... Thursday and Friday nights now with the agreement Thursday is under the table for tax purposes which has been helping me get ahead and pay off some things with the focus on buying a condo when and if this D thing ever does happen, something I still have not pushed on, have not heard anything back since I was served back in Sept but like all things I will take it as it comes.

With all the work and gigs I only really have every other weekend open without S9 and I have been dating some here and there, nothing serious but just getting back out there a bit and sadly ran into one who was absolutely in the middle of MLC, she shared her story and was following the bulletpoints of the script to a T, I shook my head and thought about her poor ex-h who probably has no idea what hit him.

I find myself still reading a bit here and on the other site, I only post here to a couple people I feel I can pass on some hard earned lessons to, but also realize like me ... sometimes you just have to work through it your own way in your own time .... still fight that fixer that lived in this shell for so long.

Anyways to those new, and the vets I pray you have a wonderful, safe, Christmas ... I get how hard this time of year is for so many of us, but trust it does get better... there is light and good things on the other side.


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CaliGuy - it sounds like you are doing well. It's uplifting to know that despite MLC we can move forward.

I think there should be a list of "Great MLC Mysteries." Sort of like an unsolved crime drama. I'm sure it would get a lot of much needed laughs.

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Guilt. That's my hit.

BIG guilt.

Glad you are doing so well and still contributing to the working research on MLC, lol.

xoxoxoxo
Merry Christmas Cali. May 2017 be all you hope and more {{{hugs}}}


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Hi Cali

I too think guilt.

I also dated and seemed to attract a MLCr. Was scary.
Why do we attract them?

You seem to always have a plan. The condo is a great idea.

Thanks again for all your support here. I am I of the lucky ones you give advice to. Much appreciated.

Wishing you and your son a great Christmas
Cheers!


M51
XW43 (38 at bd)
BD1 MAY 30 2015
BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text
moved out Aug 2 2015
left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20)
Her divorce Final July 26 2016
Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
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