Thank you Nygal. I am making a list to make sure I don't forget anything. I don't want to take all my stuff because It feels like I'm helping her forget me but I know I must. & I know its necessary to move forward in either direction. anddddd OW doesn't get to cook with MY D with my fancy knives.
journaling / update went to D's soccer practice. Got there and W was sitting on the sidelines. Was going to sit on grass but it was super wet, W handed me her keys and said I could grab the other chair. I did. (not sure if I should've or not, but I did) I sat next to wife, Not too close. We had very small talk, only about soccer and weather. I was texting with a friend after some time, and I noticed W got on her phone as well. My friend was sending funny things so I kept laughing and texting back. Could see out of the corner of my eye W was scrolling through Fbook, and when she was typing she wasn't smiling like usual. Just an observation. Anytime I picked my phone up so did W. Soccer ended and we walked back to the cars. Said my good byes to D and over heard W on the phone with what I think was OW, in a very kind and sweet voice she said "i'll see you soon" I pretended not to listen. W got in her car and I had a moment alone with D. then W yelled from her car bye. I waved but tried to get going. I kept smiling, laughing (not with w) and keeping it short and sweet, light. and just pleasant today. Acting as if helped my mood overall. W was in her scrubs. She looked tired, she was leaning into the chair, I wanted to reach over and comfort her and scratch her head as I usually used to when she's so tired but It was only for a few seconds that I thought this, then she started talking and It quickly passed.
It doesn't hurt as much as It used to. Just because she finally admitted it doesn't mean I didn't already think it. It does pain me that it's no longer ME who she's calling, or making her happy. But there's absolutely nothing I can do. I believe I've finally come to accept that. (or i'm super close) W is going to do and be her and I will continue to work on me and do Cheesyt.
Was talking to a friend earlier about my W. Started looking at my pictures on my phone...I realized I could not find very many pictures where i could say "awwwww" I don't know if that makes sense. But perhaps I am seeing my W as a different person completely because I remember most pictures of W i think "awww" or "how cute" I believe I only found one. And she was sleeping. Me not thinking very good thoughts of my W is new for me. It's strange. I do not understand it.
Roommate, Bf and girls were home. They had just sat to have dinner. I sat and ate with them. Then RBF (roommates bf) made cookies. It was cloudy and dark by then. I had a moment where I looked around, it was nice and toasty because of the oven, kids were running, I sat at the table and roommate was eating cookie batter and I said "i could get used to this" for some odd reason I felt like we were...good? like this was familiar? I don't have exact words for what I felt. I told them I liked this, that I could see this picture in the winter with snow falling. roommate agreed and started adding a christmas tree "over there" and "I'll make hot chocolate" ...it was really nice. I joked with RBF and asked If he liked "this" and If roommate failed to tell him she has 3 daughters instead of two, one of which is 27 yrs old. RBF hugged me. It was nice. The more time passes the more plans and future I create. Without W. I'd rather have my future with my W but that's no longer an option. I'm working on being ok with making my own sole future, for me.
certainly would love to have my wife & D back, but sitting in my little room typing this, not really knowing what tomorrow is going to bring isn't so bad after all.
Glad to hear that you are making a list to get your stuff out and that you are feeling better at your new place. I know its not where we "want" to be but moving forward for yourself is the best place for us to be right now!! Have fun today, I'm jealous!!!
W:42 M:48 T:9 yrs M:1yr BD: Feb 2016 EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016 D: Feb 2017
I canceled a hike to go hang out with FG. I also decided myself, that I'd miss D's soccer. (all games are usually at 9am, today's was at noon) FG and I were supposed to head to Gator bar around noon. Well FG had some get together last night and was moving slow / is hung over. Changed the bar to meet to our downtown (we both live really close) instead of the big gator bar downtown. Now I know It was my decision and I am an adult and I chose FG over soccer and hike. but damn I hate when people change plans last minute. It bothers me because I could've gone on my hike and made it back to our new plan or I could've gone to D's soccer game and still made it to our new plan. So, the old me would be upset and not enjoy the day and be pissy. This new cheesyt is going to write about my frustration and I will go get dressed and go meet FG downtown and enjoy the gators game and have a good time.
because this issue could've been with W and I know I've done this plenty of times when plans change last minute. I am not a fan of last minute changes. I have a very difficult time with it. I do not like change. I like to plan and stick to my plan.
This is why this whole situation with W is so hard, I believe. I do not like change. And the past 5 plus months have been nothing but change.
my weekend was less than exciting. lounged around in my pj's most of sunday. Met MIL before her shift to get her a couple of things. Also went shopping for jeans and a space heater since it's getting colder here. I have a cold. Makes me grumpy and makes me want my W even more. As she'd make me tea. My sister texted me last night, something about my W asking some questions about the cell bill we are all on. My sister told my W to contact me. W has not. Not sure why W's not coming to me directly. but whatever, nothing i can do. No contact with W since we said bye on Friday after soccer. It's monday. another monday without W.
w texted me w-i'm going to apply for food stamps. fyi. me- are you applying as a household or alone? w- as a house hold right? w- i have to include you since we are married.. me- i would like more information on this, i am at work right now. would you like to discuss it later or tomorrow in person? w - i'm not sure what info you need. please feel free to research online. i am happy to apply without including you if you decide that is the best action. i would like to apply by tomorrow (online) let me know what you decide. me- i need info on how this affects me. what exactly is this program. I did do a google search before texting you and got various websites. what's the one you are looking at? w- sent link. w- there's all the info me- great i will get back to you when i have a moment to inform myself.
wth...idk idk. W is freaking out about money? maybe she should stop spending all that money on CC's.
W cleared out our accounts, our joint cd. I know she has money in a secured loan I saw the paperwork. Is this for D10? Do I want my name on govt assistance? My salary is enough for MY family and myself. I feel weird being in this position. Have been putting off more L's. I want this to be over. I need this to be over. Do I agree, do I tell her to apply on her own? Do i need to be worried about the debt she's getting herself into? I'm pissed. W is going out drinking and partying, and shopping. W is going on this vacation in a week but wants to be on govt assistance?
What is the plan to get your half of the money back from the CD? It doesn't matter if your name is on gov't assistance I don't think, but I'm not sure. Probably best to separate your assets, though. You're not living there so she shouldn't use you to get assistance. Besides, wouldn't your income disqualify her for food stamps? She can't have it both ways. Can W hurt your immigration status if she gets mad at you?
Yes, you definitely need to worry about the debt she's getting herself into. You need to separate your assets. She can't use your money to finance her A, her partying, or her vacation.
And QUIT ASKING TO SEE HER IN PERSON!!! Cheesy, she's in a fog and she's using you. If you keep asking to see her she gets to control you. That's NOT attractive. So stop it, I beg you!!!!
Get your stuff out of there. Forget the tooth brush. OW has probably done things to it that you don't want to think about. Remember my story about the friend who peed on her husband's toothbrush for months???
Cancel the credit card and do it NOW. You will drive yourself crazy if you see what she's spending money on, and if you're financing her life style? You are already crazy. Cheesy, enabling her bad behavior is NOT going to win her back. Right now you look like a doormat with her footprints all over your back. Not attractive either.
Tell her to apply on her own. You don't live there. You are not part of her household.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
I did also wonder about the govt assistance thing. I looked into it for my state and it's kind of a gray area for me. Like if I were to apply I think I could swing it either way even though we are TECHNICALLY still married and I COULD count her income I think because we live in separate households I don't HAVE to count her income.
I, personally, would not let my WW apply for govt aid using my income or any of my information. Even if your income doesn't disqualify her she could potentially get more assistance because you would increase the size of her household. I'd make her do it for just her and your D. Don't help her.
W:32 M:26 T:5 yrs M: 3 yr BD: JUN 2016 W Moved out: early JUL 2016 W Filed for D: mid JUL 2016 EA: 06/16? PA: 07/16 Moved in w/ ow: 07/16 D final: 10/16
I am NOT being a doormat, anymore. I did cancel the CC from the other day. (I had no idea W had that CC saved on her fandango account) I do not have access to any of her information, and I am not financing her WW lifestyle. I have D on Wednesday, which is why I asked If she wanted to discuss this then. I am getting all my things on Wednesday.
When we were M I trusted her and let her make the decisions. Now I'm just trying to be informed and do what's best for CHEESYT. I know It took a while but trust, I am on board with moving forward and not allowing myself to be a doormat. I don't think she likes that, but I don't really care.
Good, cheesyt, awesome. I didn't mean to be harsh.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
