Piecing. Can I make this work?

[Rose888]

Passion is like food, not like alcohol. Yes, people can go overboard with passion, but you have to learn to find a healthy level of passion. You can't be a passion teetotaler.

Sometimes, when my H is doing a GAL activity, I have a moment of fear. And then I whack myself and remember that if he will only stay in the marriage if he has no life, that's not healthy or good for either of us.

[LiM]

Ok, message received. Buying a tent today and I intend to go camping in short order. I always enjoyed camping when I was younger so I'm going to get out and do that again. Maybe even teach myself to start a fire without matches.

[JRuss]

Camping is great for the soul. Outstanding GAL resolution, LiM. I'm no expert and would give a lot to be be piecing, but I really think developing and experiencing things you're passionate can only help your situation, not hurt it.

[Coconut]

Man, I love camping.. what part of the US / World are you from?
Let me know if you need any suggestions on what to buy or places to go. Also, just as a thought, if you are in the US and haven't been camping for awhile, you may want to consider renting a cabin at a KOA, they are very basic cabins but allow you to go camping without actually sleeping in a tent.

[LiM]

I'm in Texas and we have a ton of state parks that are very close by. I have a very large tent but its too big for just me. Gonna buy a smaller 3 person tent just big enough for me and my dog. For the first time in my life, I have a dog that won't run off on his own. He will stay with me so I feel much more comfortable taking him with me. I already have everything else I need. Will probably take a fishing pole along too. Cant go this coming weekend but will go next weekend. Temp should be perfect.

[trumpet]

LiM,

Have a gameplan of things to do, or a book to read. Your mind will wander. Keep it busy. It's ok to gain persepective on the relationship when GAL; just don't make it anywhere near your focus.

Your focus should be on what you're grateful for, what you want to accomplish in the future by yourself, and being in the moment.

[LiM]

We had an unfortunate event this weekend that came out of nowhere and I don't even know where to begin thinking about what this does for our future. I was assaulted my my father in law. My W and I along with our 2 daughters were visiting my MIL and FIL at their house 5 hours away from our city. These are people I've know for over 20 years and have had a very good R with. I consider myself very lucky to have the extended family that I M into.
On Saturday evening, my FIL started getting very irate after discovering that some of the kids (1 of my daughters was included) got some nail polish remover on the dining table an apparently it damaged the finish somewhat. I don't think it was very bad because it wasn't noticeable to my W. However, my FIL flew off the handle and started yelling and cussing in the living room where I was sitting on the couch. At first I didn't realize that he was yelling AT me until my sister in law came to try and calm him down by saying "Its wasn't just LiM's kids, it was mine too so you need to lay off LiM." It was only then that I realized he was directing his anger at me. He can be a hot head but I have NEVER seen him like this. Then he started pointing at some other table in the living room to indicate there was damage on it and that I was responsible (I was not). The yelling and cussing kept increasing so I stood up and said "I'm not going to sit here and let you talk to me like this" and started to walk out of the room. That's when he grabbed me by the neck the first time.
This brought more people into the room that got between us (I didn't lay a hand on him). He indicated that he wanted me to go outside so he could talk to me. I did. He started pointing at some items laying around on the table on the patio. One item was a beer bottle. I am normally pretty good about picking up after myself but this was my beer bottle. I said, "Yes FIL, that is mine. I'm sorry, I'll clean it up." Next he pointed at some party hats that some of the kids (mine NOT included in that) had been wearing earlier in the day. I said I don't know who's those are. He then pointed at something else that he wanted me to take responsibility for but that wasn't mine either. The barrage of yelling and cussing continued and he grabbed me by the shirt. I pulled him off and walked in the house to leave. He yelled something else about not allowing people in his if it was going to be "treated" like that. I said "Thats fine, you can be alone because we are leaving. That's when he rushed me and grabbed me by the neck again. Drew blood this time from a scratch he caused. It took about 5 people to get him off of me. I never laid a hand on him.
Mind you, there are sometimes 10 or more grandkids in the house with ages ranging from 6 mo to 18 and everything in between. There were VERY young kids present during all of this, including my own.
We packed our stuff and were out of the house in under 5 minutes. My sister in law and her family also left with their 3 children.

I know there aren't any decision to be made today. I mainly just needed to vent. I've already forgiven my FIL and told my kids that I am not angry at him. But he is not the type of person to admit when he is wrong and do whatever is necessary to right a wrong. And so what if he doesn't apologize? What if he expects me to apologize? I would of course pay for any damage my kids caused but I will not tolerate being spoken to that way or assaulted. What if I'm not allowed back in their house? Will my W still go there with my kids? Am I supposed to be ok with that? I know what my response would be if one of my family members had treated my W that way.
So far, my W hasn't said anything to indicate that she is angry with me or blames me. But if her dad said "Its LiM or Me", I have no doubt my W would choose her dad. Maybe not but that's my fear.
I guess we'll just have to wait and see how it all pans out. Maybe he'll apologize and we can go back to being a family.

[MrBond]

Why would your W say it's your fault? It seems like everyone saw it was his.I don't know why you would think this would jeopardize your M.

In any event, this is where your DB training should come in. You're dealing with an unrepentant person. What do you do?

[Stormchaser]

That's one crazy azz story, LiM.

I truly believe your W should side with you. Did she see the outburst first hand? Where was your W in all this?

[LiM]

Yes, crazy indeed. Like my W having an A, this is not anything I could have ever imagined happening.
My W wasn't standing there when he grabbed me the first time as I was trying to leave the room. She was in the next room and heard everything he said. My SIL was standing right next to me when he grabbed me. My W was present when he grabbed me the final time and is one of the people that pulled him off of me.

I don't know that my FIL will be unrepentant and I don't know that my W would "take his side" but if history is any guide, he will not be repentant and if forced to choose between me and her father (even while admitting that he was in the wrong) I feel she would choose him. That is my (probably irrational) fear.

What do I do with a person like this? Nothing really. All I can do is enforce a boundary that says I will not allow anyone to treat me, or a member of MY family, with that level of hostility and disrespect. And if that means I don't go there anymore, then that is what it means.