Well, I'm not a vet so take my advice with a grain of salt but:
In humans there's a phenomenon called tick paralysis, and apparently it can also happen in dogs. It is due to a nerve toxin in certain ticks and the treatment is removing ALL the ticks and supportive care until the toxin wears off. Maybe this is what is happening? Google tick paralysis in dogs.
Kml. this is what I also thought, the tick paralysis. I haven’t found any new ticks on him for a couple of weeks now, so I though his condition would be improving. And then the other day, he seemed to get worse. He almost fall down from the hill at the park, and I was worried that he would break his legs or something. So, I googled this again, and came across of another tick related illness, the encephalitis. I think it might be it. My dog exhibits only a couple of the conditions and they are in a mild form. I started giving him some antibiotics, just in case.
Bttrfly, I will ask the vet about the Lyme disease as well. It not likely, as we are on the West coast, but who knows.
So, the vet appointment it tomorrow. I hope she can figure out what’s wrong my dog. I will do what it takes to get him better. He is my buddy and a companion! The good thing is that I purchased a pet insurance offered at my work last year, so I hope it will cover most of the stuff. I’m sure my vet will want to run some blood tests, etc., which can be expensive.
OK, enough about my dog. An update is coming in my next post.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
So, here are some updates… First of all, I think I was wrong about H and that crazy woman friend at the vacation home. There are some indications that this friendship is still going on somewhat strong. Doesn’t matter to me, as long as she doesn’t intervene in my business, and this seems to be the case at the moment, so I’m good.
As for H… His b-day gift for me kind of thrown me of the track… And I’m straggling to get back on it. I remember that before my B-day I was so determined to start closing that chapter of my life with H, and I was feeling somewhat peaceful about that. Then this lipstick gift came in… And no matter how hard I try not to make anything of it, it seems to derail my process of moving on. Don’t get me wrong here. I’m doing what I need to be doing in my life for me. It is just I’m getting drawn back to my “previous” life with H. It’s like I now see H in a good light, just as he used to be before this disaster MLC. I don’t see anything bad in him. I see the person who didn’t know how to deal with life, who made mistakes, who didn’t really mean to hurt me, etc… Is that insane? What is wrong with me?
And the latest thing… I was looking at my company account trying to figure out if all of my invoices have been paid. I was checking the bank account, since I don’t have the most recent company file from H. I saw the transaction that looked like he paid himself. It was on Friday. There was no e-mail or text from him, which was unusual. He would not normally let me know, because I would need to pay taxes. So, I waited until today, and there was still nothing from H. I texted him and asked for the recent company file, because I need to cut a check for myself as well. He replied right away that he paid himself and he tried to send a file, but it would not go through. I asked when he paid himself and he said it was on Friday. I then texted him that in this case the state taxes need to be paid on Monday (tomorrow) or Tuesday.
I got crickets in response… So, I was thinking that he is deep back into the tunnel… being irresponsible again… and that I need to figure out the way how to handle this… A couple of hours later, my phone rings… The first though that came to my mind was that it was H… (what are the odds , last time he called me… I can’t even remember when…) And… it was H!.. telling me that he was trying to send this file again and got the size limitation error. So… he didn’t just drop the matter… He called me on Sunday! When I would expect him to be parting with his friends… watching the football…
So, to cut this short, we talked… about how to send the file and some other options… I took him through the steps that I thought would fix the issue (I’m a computer nerd sometimes, ya know…LOL…). We were on the phone like three times, while trying to figure out the solution. And, at the end he was still not able to send me the file.
This was so surreal… to talk to him on the phone… and talk about some issues… and like nothing happened… I’m so confused now… It’s like these 4 years after BD, separating us… were nothing… Out conversation was just like old times, when I would help him with the computer issues… (he did say that it was a usual matter about him and computers, as the file worked for me, but not him, Lol.) He did sound a bit nervous... I was not, I was just me… Did anyone had this experience, like the time stood still… I think I mentioned this feeling of a waking up to a “Groundhog” day again ever morning, just like in the movie, “I got you Babe”.) I thought this feeling was gone for some time, and I was moving along with my life quite nicely. And then this…
I’m just trying to figure out what all these feelings mean to me. Am I delusional? I certainly don’t want to be in this for 12 years (like in the story bttrfly mentioned on her thread), but… Do I need to give it some more time??? Or, do I need to just cut everything off? Obviously, H is not doing it. I’m curious to see if this company business ends up to be more of a hustle. Again, my logical brain tells me that if a person is unhappy and doesn’t want to do anything with his/her former life, he would separate everything and not rely on other person (former spouse) for anything. I might be asking a rhetorical question here, once again, but why in the world would H still want to do business with me. How much easier it would be to have his own company and not needing to go through this hustle to exchange the files… take care of the joint credit cards… car insurance… etc… I’m pretty sure that at this point he is very much capable of handling this stuff on his own, or with the help of his friends.
I might be getting 2x4s here about how I need to just separate everything we have in common… Just like all my friends and relatives like to tell me every chance they get… I don’t know… I would appreciate some opinions here… I know that I’m not the best writer… and I don’t express my feelings and thoughts like other people can. I do my best… Thanks for listening…
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
You'll not get any 2x4s from me today. It's not at all unusual for them to act normal when you speak to them. He's been a slow one during his crisis and he could very well have been having some "clarity" moments when you spoke to him. If he sounded nervous, then maybe he really didn't want to tell you everything that is going on or he could have been alert that you may have discovered something about him. No one can tell us what is going on w/them because their emotions rule their thinking and that thinking changes on a dime and gives you a penny back in most cases.
As for the file issue, he may not be able to comprehend all of the steps at this time. His brain is still a bit scrambled and anything more than a couple of steps in instructions are about all he can handle. Their attention span is that of a gnat, i.e., extremely short. Here's what I would suggest...type up a step by step instruction sheet on how to download and send the file to you. That way, he can refer back to it as he completes the task. Trying to talk him through it...well, let's just say...he won't get it too well.
Of course, those old feelings come to the surface, especially when you are actually having a conversation w/him and he acts like nothing ever happened. Remember, he's in crisis and when they are having clarity, this is the way that they are. No, you aren't delusional by any means. What you experienced is very normal and when you do have interactions w/them when the are like this, it does make you sit down and think about it.
Bright, it's okay to have these feelings. That's why it's called the rollercoaster ride. You are the only one that can determine what is right for you and how long you want to wait for him to wake up. Don't be afraid to come here and voice your thoughts and concerns. What you experienced is very normal.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
It’s like I now see H in a good light, just as he used to be before this disaster MLC. I don’t see anything bad in him. I see the person who didn’t know how to deal with life, who made mistakes, who didn’t really mean to hurt me, etc… Is that insane? What is wrong with me?
Nothing is wrong with you, Bright! You knew H really was a good partner all those years and that history hasn't changed. He is going through a really tough period right now. The vets tell us that it's not about us or the marriage, it's about them. And we can't fix 'em. (darn it all)
Quote:
I’m just trying to figure out what all these feelings mean to me. Am I delusional? I certainly don’t want to be in this for 12 years (like in the story bttrfly mentioned on her thread), but… Do I need to give it some more time??? Or, do I need to just cut everything off?
If you're getting itchy you owe it to him and your marriage to start letting him know. Dropping hints and truth darts. He needs to understand this is getting serious. Don't wait until you're triple done and drop your own bomb. Give him a chance to realize he's about to lose you.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Job, thanks for not giving me 2x4s . You are right, there is no way to tell what is going on with them, especially when there is a limited contact, mostly by texts and e-mails. One thing I know is that he is trying to be nice in order to maintain the contact, he is not ready to separate things, and especially the business. I thought about separating the business multiple times during these years. I think it is possible as long as someone has a strong desire to do it. He could have found another partner (like his favorite crazy woman, LOL), but I guess something is stopping him from doing it.
The “file” story ended up with me signing up to one of these file transfer sites and he was able to send the file to me. We exchanged a few texts over it… him, asking me to confirm that I received the file, me confirming it, and him thanking me for figuring the whole think out, hahaha…
Job, I actually think that he has more clarity these days, and sometimes I feel that he has more clarity than me… There is no action though… except for maintaining the contact and joint “stuff”… As for me, I was going thought another round of grief. Much shorter and easier this time, for sure.
FY, thanks for stopping by! You are my biggest cheerleader! Here is what I read recently on some website about going through the grief process: “As you work through your emotions, hang onto the love and the positive memories. Eventually it is the love you shared, and holding onto those memories, that will be the healing balm for your heart. Allow the negative emotions to move through you, but hang onto the positive memories and the love.” And this: “Healing your heart doesn’t mean that you will forget your loved one, or that the love you shared is over. This love is yours forever. Love cannot be lost.” This seems to be exactly what is happening to me. I don’t have anger against H anymore, and I feel sorry for what he has to go through. I wish I could help… But, I realize that he has to do it on his own.
FY, I don’t know how to give H the hints anymore that I already do… I keep moving on with my life. I’m sure he already knows that I do what I think is good for me. Yes, in some ways it benefits him (like keeping our business together), because he knows that I would take care of things. He is a very stubborn man, so it will probably take some drastic changes to shake him off out of his funk. And these drastic changes will probably come at the time when I would be completely “triple” done, like you said. I would take your advice on the truth darts though. I just need to remember to take any opportunity to do that, when I communicate with him. The truth is that I just don’t give a d@mn most of the times, or too tired…
Anyway, some updates on my dog and me… Took my dog to the vet and she did diagnosed the tick induced encephalitis. She prescribed some heavy antibiotics and also some holistic meds, as I expected. They also did two rounds of fluids/ozone treatment. It cost me a lot of money. Good thing I have pet insurance that I purchased through work last year, so I’m expecting it to cover for some of the expenses. He is getting better, but still has some anxiety on the tile and wooden floors.
As for me, I feel like I’m on a rollercoaster again… Work has been insanely busy and stressful recently… Stuff at home… happens at the most inconvenient times… Like a sick dog that I had to take to the vet twice last week… taking time off work… meantime doing the meetings over the phone, with the dog in the back seat, ear phones in my ears, and looking at my other phone for directions to get out of the new area where my vet moved her office to. Then my garage door got stuck and would not open the other day, when I was trying to get to the office for the meeting where I had to present… I figured out how to open that darn door manually, but it was quite an effort, as it was very heavy to lift. I had to ask for the meeting to be postponed by 30 min... and I was still late by a few minutes… This is where the thoughts about having someone in my life who could help with stuff like that came back again… And I missed H… I missed out old times when I could count on him, and when we were a team, dealing with any issues together... Oh well… I have to count on myself for now...
The GAL updates… It has been insane… I think I need to start saying “No” to some activities… Can’t remember beyond last Saturday, but here is the gist… Last Saturday – usual dinner at my sister’s, Sunday – dinner at my friends’ house, who just moved to my city from Bay area (friends who also have a house at the vacation home), Monday, Tuesday – happy hours with people from work for different reasons, Wednesday – company event at the bowling… Tomorrow – Wine and Snack cruise at the harbor with a few people from work for a b-day of one of them. I feel like I need a break from GAL, LOL.
Have a great weekend, everyone! I do read the posts and try to keep up with everyone as much as I can.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Bright, I'm so glad you found out what is going on w/your dog. Poor baby! Hopefully he will be on the mend soon. Thanks goodness for pet insurance!
I'm sorry you've had a lot on your plate. Did you ever figure out why your garage door was acting up? Have you tried it since the episode?
Gosh, you've been burning the candle a lot lately. Yeah, you may need to say "no" to some activities, i.e., just so that you can rest and recharge your battery a bit. There is no harm in carving out some "me" time to just chill. People will understand.
Enjoy your weekend and I do hope that your dog is on the mend soon.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hi Bright (((hugs))) Hope your dog has a speedy recovery :-)
As for you back on the roller coster.. I think it's very easy to get back on to when they show some normalcy. My XW's texts to me are pre-BD like. It pulls at my heart because that is the person I loved. Spins in my brain then I stop and come to the conclusion she is still very much gone. No remorse , no apologies , no care for the girls.
I think you are doing great.
Irish
M51 XW43 (38 at bd) BD1 MAY 30 2015 BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text moved out Aug 2 2015 left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20) Her divorce Final July 26 2016 Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
Job, thanks for the kind words. My dog has been on antibiotics for two weeks. We actually just finished the last pills tonight. It funny how he had no problems eating these pills with his food for almost two weeks, and then a couple of days ago he started leaving the pills in his bowl, clean and intact, while all other food was gone. I believe that this is a clear indication that he was done with them. I think he started having stomach problems, so he didn’t want to ingest any more antibiotics. The good thing, we are done with the pills. He still shows the signs of disorientation, but I hope he will improve soon. I’m still waiting for the Insurance to pay at least some portion of the bills.
The garage door… There is a broken spring… So, I have a repair guy coming over tomorrow. I already got a quote and it seems very reasonable, even though it is another expense that I don’t really need right now.
Irish, thanks for the hugs! I feel like I really need some right now, even the virtual once. It seems like your xw still has long way to go. Yes, it is totally confusing when they show signs of the normalcy, like their old selves…
And speaking about the rollercoaster… Got a text from H about an hour ago, telling me that he is at his brother’s (my BIL who loves in the same neighborhood)… The time of his text was past 9 pm. He told me that he is wondering if there is any “important” (LOL) mail for him and if I can live it for him tomorrow morning, in a bag or something…. So… after half an hour (stewing about the fact that he wants everything at the last moment and I didn’t have energy or desire to deal with it after 9 pm), I replied with lengthy text… don’t have any energy to post the details right now… I asked him what time he wanted to pick up the mail, and that I might be working from home for a couple of reasons… Actually he gave me a valid excuse to work from home (besides the garage door service that will be coming over late afternoon)… I thought I would go to the office in the morning, but now I think I need to stay home… as it is too much stress for me deal with, LOL…
Haven’t received any reply yet… I have some strange feelings… Part of me doesn’t want to even see him or make any arrangements to accommodate him (then I remember that I still want to stay in our joint condo, so I bite my lips…), and part of me is curious… I’ve been processing my emotions recently, and I keep coming to the conclusion that I need to completely separate myself from anything that still ties me to H. I’m still not sure how to do all of it. But, I think I’m getting there… slowly… I think H already realizes that he made a mistake, but he would not admit it even to himself… And I am getting very impatient with the whole process. I’m thinking more and more these days that I just need to cut it off and move on with my life… We will see what happens tomorrow… I’m looking for a confirmation of my feelings that there is nothing to expect in regards to H making any moves and the he is just using me as a reliable source of “taking care of stuff for him”…
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
