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Happy Friday Rouky,

i am proud of you for following your gut to keep your core values in tact.

you never know, maybe there was something brewing between you two...maybe there wasn't. you took the steps you felt necessary to prevent things from going any farther.

I do think that the experiences we have all been through and the times on these boards have made us more aware of certain dynamics.

you are doing great.


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Even if my posts might involved H, I have decided to report on how I deal with a situation involving H.

Today was the first day I physically saw H after going dark for 2 weeks, and to be honest I was annoyed as when I don't see him physically I'm a lot better. Anyway after going over this annoyance, H tells me that he can't have kids one weekend, then gives me the dates he is going away! A full week (so now I know why he didn't take a week off with his kids), and I was annoyed and my heart felt tight because he is going away with OW.

Then he proceeds to tell me where he is going. Honestly do I really need to know that?. I said good on him. Didn't ask if OW is going or not but it seems unlikely because he is going with his team mates and most of them won't go with their wives. Anyway H asked to swap weekends, I have no problems with it, then carry on telling me that he will organise a birthday party for our kid before he goes on holidays and even told me when he'll give the presents. This was really weird as I have organised a party for kids but haven't informed him about it as, as far as I am concerned he doesn't want to be part of this family.

I'm not lying saying I didn't understand his needs to give all those details and was jealous as now he has really step up as a father ( just wishing he had done it while with me). It only took me 10 minutes to dwell on it and then I moved on.

AND this is my ACHIEVMENT as I didn't let it consume me like it would have done for the rest of the day. I'm proud of myself for this.

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I am glad you were able to let it go rouky!!! giving away your precious head space, well you know what happens.

I am also glad to hear H is stepping up as a father. THAT is a good thing no matter what happens.


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I am very happy to read that you let it all go. I think it's the guilt eating at him and that's why he had to tell you where he was going, etc., i.e., just like a teenager has to over elaborate on things to parents when they know that they are possibly going to be doing something that is considered a no no. I'm glad you didn't allow this stuff to take up more room in your head.

I hope and pray that he continues to step up to the plate and be a good father and remains attentive to their needs, etc.

Enjoy your weekend!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Thank you Zephyr and Job.

I'm having a great weekend. Tried some Mexican food, and this is a 180 for me as I don't like spicy food. It was good despite my palate needing a bit of adjusting to it!

Spending time with my friend is so good as we tried to put the world to right when we see each other! So funny at times.

I have also decided to do a clear out in my life: I have distanced myself from negative people and now I can see new people entering my life with different skills to offer to help me heal. Reiki is going so well and I'm so receptive to it that my friend wants to train me for it. I feel so humble, and grateful that she thinks I can do it

Last but not least I have deleted all the posts, photos on my phone that were related to the pain of being betrayed and replaced them with happy quotes or happy thought of the day! I have (finally) realised that all this was keeping me midway in my hole, and I feel it's time for me to reach the end of the tunnel. I have accomplished so much in the last 18 months and I can feel that I'm breaking 40 years of negativity. It's not easy everyday but I'm ready for it.

My friend asked me if my H would come back, would I take him back. I replied that I love him although I'm not too sure.

Have a good day everyone

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Hi Rouky! Glad to hear that you had a great weekend! Removing negative energy or depressing memories is very reinvigorating! Good for you! I'm personally doing a lot of purging of physical items myself. It feels good but the process itself is overwhelming.

This is a tough journey, but I sense you are on the verge of emerging out of your tunnel as a new Rouky full of life and spirit!

Enjoy the rest if your day smile


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Thank you Feyth.

I'm not saying I'm happy on how I came to start this journey, but now looking back I'm glad I was forced to take it.

I have been so pleased for my kids today as they have seen their grandad (they hadn't seen him for 5 months), more to the point is that H took our kids there. Just a quick reminder H hasn't spoken to his for the last 3 years. I'm genuinely pleased that H put his pride aside and reconnected with his dad.

I have no expectation of H coming back despite him reconnecting with his dad. I'm just pleased that they have amended things and more happier that my kids are able to see their grandad. Still a bit sad that I'm no longer part of the family (only on paper now), but I'm carrying on with my path and see where it's going to lead me. I absolutely feel emotionally stronger lately. Hoping it will last

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Having few ups and down lately and it really starting to annoy me. Had a really great girly weekend. It was so nice to catch up with my friend. Wish I could have stayed longer as was supposed to get kids early ( but H brought them back very late).

I know I do mind reading but recently H has been earlier to pick up kids but also has been later to drop them off (mainly when it's his weekend!). Surely if he wanted to be with OW he'd do like at the beginning bringing them earlier!

When I said I'm annoyed is that I'm getting better eveyday but it feels like God is reminding me that I'm still married. Kids wanted me to talk to H about something that I have discussed with her several times as well as him. I was annoyed because I had spent 2 weeks without physical contact, and I have to go back to square one! Also H texted me about what he is going to do with the kids on his days. I went WTF is that, because as far as I'm concerned it is his time with them and he does as he pleases him, where was the need for him to tell me this! I don't tell him anything about what I do with the girls when it's my time, so why does he believe I want to know about his!

He is happy with his life, mine is getting better and I'm in a healthier place, so it feels like going backwards again and to the pain when H contacts me for futile things. He has chosen to be with OW instead of his kids and me, so why can't he just assume what he has done and disappear from my life (well to a certain extent because we have young kids).

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He is trying to keep that last string of attachment to you. He doesn't want to completely let go of the past but is trying to also live his fantasy life.
I had a VERY hard time with my H texting me/calling almost every day for RANDOM things. Like we were friends or something while he was living with OW. A few of the vets had me "teaching" him when/how to contact me.
It helped to detach for me. I would ignore all texts & calls during the day and respond at night in a thorough email that addressed everything relevant.


Me: 35 husband:39
Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage
Twins 5 (boy/girl)
Daughter 3
Affair bomb 2/27/14
He moved in with ow 3/13/14
OW kicked him out 6/15/14
4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction



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Had a rough couple of days but after that I feel that I have elavated myself a bit more, like a bit more weight of my sorrow/ sadness has came off! One of my friend was really struggling with life in general but despite me being down and tearful I spend most of my evening last night supporting her. It is strange because before BD, I'd have listened to her and tried to give her advice but without real conviction from me, and I'd have definitely turn the table round back to my problems. Not this time, I felt true compassion and care for her, I was really able to put my sadness and be there for a friend.

I'm in two mind as I'm ashamed of myself ( for who I was before BD with H and kids, and let's face it a selfish woman who needed to have drama in her life to make her feel alive and have others noticing her), and at the same time I'm proud because I'm noticing the changes in me. I'm becoming more caring than I have ever been. Last night my friend needed me, and i was there for her. This is a great feeling to be able to help someone.

Also I'm starting to realise that I deserve better. I'm applying for a payrise and ask a friend to help me. He has a job with a lot of responsibilities and was able to guide me. The funny thing is throughout the whole discussion, he kept being positive, praising and very encouraging; whereas last time I applied for payrise I was with H and he never helped me, nor offer one word of encouragement or praise. This was another eye opener on my marriage, a random friend was able to be supportive to me whereas my own H couldn't.

Now I believe that there are descent men out there, and I don't know if I express it well in English, but seeing how my friend tried to bring out the best out of me made me realise that H brought the worst out of me and that I deserve better than what H has offered me for a long time.

Does it mean I'm letting more of the rope go, I guess the answer is yes.

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