Well, I tried to relax and leave her alone...but she asked me about my dentist visit today and I explained all the work and costs associated. She got upset and said "why didn't you do this year's ago when I asked you to. This is so ironic, it makes me angry". Well, I did not follow DB rules on this one. I told her she should understand that all those years I was depressed and didn't at all care about myself.or anyone else for that matter. She was not thrilled. So, she followed all that to say "just as you are doing what you need to for you, I need to do what I need.". Now what the hell that means I don't know because I discontinued the conversation..
Lost, don't explain to her "why now and not when I asked you" stuff. Just do it, it's okay. If you make changes in yourself now, like lose weight or get teeth fixed or be more pleasant, it will anger your S, because they wanted you to change then, and not now. But that is ok! Change for the better, maybe for W, maybe for the next person. But do it and don't justify it!
me 42 H 32 T 7yr M 6yr BD 5/2016 ILYBNILWY Separated 7/2016
Well, as I lay here in bed she is texting the OM. As she is texting him she is deleting her messages. How am i supposed to not say anything. It's eating me alive.
I somehow just let it go for the night. Something has to give though. I know you all are telling me to just focus on me, but the complete lack of respect and the amount of tension in my home is completely overwhelming. I don't know how much more I can take before I actually just blow up!
I somehow just let it go for the night. Something has to give though. I know you all are telling me to just focus on me, but the complete lack of respect and the amount of tension in my home is completely overwhelming. I don't know how much more I can take before I actually just blow up!
We understand the feeling of being ready to just blow up...
But please do take heed to what you are being advised...
Think on this....
Originally Posted By: lostasf
I don't know how much more I can take before I actually just blow up!
What would this help for you?
Quote:
but the complete lack of respect and the amount of tension in my home is completely overwhelming.
You can take back power of the situation by focus on yourself.... "Respect your efforts, respect yourself. Self-respect leads to self-discipline. When you have both firmly under your belt, that's real power."-Clint Eastwood
Some thoughts to ponder on my friend.
"Don't make a permanent decision for your temporary emotion."
"Making hard decisions is easier when you are optimistic and when your decisions are based on value."-Dr Anil Kumar Sinha
Vent here to let the pressure off.... But please do not make a decision based on emotions.... Too many stories here of regrets and outcomes that may have been avoided if cooler heads prevailed.....
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
One thing I've learnt in this whole thing, is that you can't demand that someone else respect you. You can't really make them do (or feel) anything at all really. You have no control over this.
The only thing you can do is make a decision on how far you're willing to let their behaviour affect you.
You make that decision based on your own values and principles.
But that takes a little time and thinking to work out. Because this process is entirely yours, and yours alone. And it's like peeling back the layers of an onion. When one layer is off, there is another one right underneath to look at an get used to. It looks kinda similar in lots of ways, but it's also different and has its own beauty (and blemishes).
I know its really, really hard when you've been so used to being so close to someone (your spouse). It's a bit of a head **** in fact, and pretty frightening as well. But that's the journey you've been put on (along with the rest of us here). It's what you want to do with that.
Sorry for not being able to sound more positive and upbeat. Still struggling with mine at times.
Well, she brought up the temporary separation again. Seems she is dead set on it now, so we discussed the logistics. God that was a painful conversation. I suppose we will be moving forward with that whether I like it or not. So I don't know where to go from here.
My thought is to let it happen... I mean you really can not stop it if that is what she wants.
I encourage that you speak with a L to ensure that finances and any other key points that you may need to protect since it is a 50 50 state I believe you indicated....
Then what you do is bury your self into the finer points of the LRT as laid out in DB/DR. Read the feedback from everyone in your thread.... What you should be doing is being expressed to you by many that have traveled this road...
Begin with a beginners mindset..... Hang in there....
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
