Ginger, it is a slippery slope. But I was willing to stand my ground with my WW every time she stepped foot into the MBR if she hadn't left. Definitely do not physically remove her, but I don't think she would stay if every time she walked in there he repeated his intolerance of an open marriage, and if every time she left the room her stuff was then removed from the bedroom.
and as doodler would probably add:
If she refuses to leave, just turn down the AC all the way and steal all of the covers at night. and no one can blame you if you have a dream that your in a Bruce Lee movie and accidently kick her out of bed, right????
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
Lost, when/if you decide to enforce your boundary, you need to go all in right away. Be patient with starting to enforce your boundary, because you don't want to waffle back and forth on it.
I'm hoping some vets will stop in and provide suggestion on the best way for you to approach your WW on the boundary..
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
Lost -- I agree w/ the sentiment that you shouldn't have to give up the MBR. But you cannot perfectly predict how your W is going to react to your declarations. Yes, odds are -- let's call it 90% probability -- that she'll shut the damn phone off or leave the MBR herself. But what if that 10% chance happens -- she feels belligerent in the moment and tells you to shove it. What are you going to do? You don't want to standing there w/ your ... pride in your hand. Know your ultimate move before you confront her.
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
She just called me a few minutes ago and said that "a group of people" from work were going out but they didn't know where yet. Said "do you need me home for anything?" I said no. I'm just done. Before her waywardness, she would have told me we are going here or there...now nothing...so that means it's a secret. I am just done with secrets.
I believe tomorrow or this weekend I will just present her with a completed Division of assets form and hope that we can just agree on everything. I'm done.
Man, I feel for you, I really do... If my WW and I got back together and she did it again, I'd be gone.... But here's the thing, you guys never addressed the issues, so I'm not sure the M improved...
If you want to say I'm done' no one will blame you, but we'd rather see you get yourself in order before you do that... Plus, and this is especially important, you shouldn't make that decision when your emotionally charged. Right now, your making that decision because she said she's going out, that my friend is emotionally charged. Your making a decision based on what she's doing..
Did you pick a gym? If not fck it, go to the most convenient one, sign up, and go mess around for two hours... Treadmill, bike, nautilus, whatever, just go sign up and mess around... Get your mind on something else, let's talk later or tomorrow.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
I'm going to hope that some vets stop bye and chime in here.. because although I fully understand what to do, It's been pointed out many a times that sometimes my timing and methods aren't always the best.
WONKA, Sandi2, any other vets, can you provide suggestions on how he should approach his WW to set the boundary, or if it would better to enforce the boundary and tell her about it if/when she questions why her stuff is out of the bedroom?
Bump
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
I slept on it. I am not as angry today about it, but I still feel like the same decision is necessary. I don't like the decision, but it just feels necessary. I will continue working on the division of assets form and decide the most appropriate way to bring this up. The attorney very strongly suggested that we have this completed before moving forward with any legal actions. Gosh I really hate this
