I have to agree with Rose. If it upsets your sister, don't take the boys to her engagement party. This should be all about the happy bride & groom. Everyone's attention should be on them........and only them.
((Jim)), it must be difficult to keep life sane, much less.....balanced after all you've been through. I don't know how long it would take you away from the kids, but I think you really should reconsider. There will be a few occasions that should be just for the adults. If you were my brother, I would certainly want you at my engagement party.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Appreciate the kind words. I am not upset with my sister. As with all our WAS's, family is the same way, their monkeys their circus.
Rose, Sandi,
Although sometimes difficult to read, I respect the different POV. It helps me grow and recognize the individuality of others.
Our family always invites children to events. All my nieces and nephews will be there and kids of other friends.
My sister is upset because the plan changed last minute and she can't handle the emotional turmoil this has caused for her. I get it and even though I want to be there, I am choosing to be with my boys and come later to support her and celebrate than to be there for a dinner and the blessing of the rings. I am not upset that she does not have room for them, I am just suggesting a solution that works for both parties, not the best solution but everyone gets something out of it that is positive.
To be brutally honest, I resent my sister for not supporting me in the past when I needed her. I still have resentment towards her but still said yes to attending the engagement party. At one point I had so much resentment I was in a state of mind that I was not even going to go to the wedding. My sister's sense of entitlement is worse than my STBX's sometimes. This is probably why I can put up with a lot of $hit sandwiches from STBX.
Anyway, I have more to say on the Jim vs. STBX front, have to get back to work and will post later.
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
I dunno, this opinion is a bit different than the others but sometimes entitled folks need boundaries. I guess I feel like this is not a wedding it's an engagement party so what's the big deal? But this may not be a hill you want to die on. Is setting up child care very difficult? I know it was virtually impossible for me until I moved back to my home state so I can commiserate.
Your STBX amazes me that she is so comfortable barely seeing her children.
M 10yrs T 13yrs BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce April '17-Letting go 2018 D busted DD8, DS6, DS3
Well, I didn't know how formal it might be, but it could tension she's feeling.......as a bride and wanting everything to be just perfect.
I'm sorry there is resentment. Hope things get better after her big day and you will be, hopefully, not facing the stuff you've been going through with your W.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
The engagement party was fun. Boys had a good time. My sister was happy we made it. We really did not talk much. We arrived around 1045pm. Had the boys take a nap for an hour and a half and then dressed them in their suits. We arrived home at 130 am.
Sandi, I guess it just upsets me when my sister reacts out of control. This happens more than it needs to for no reason at all. She did cry a bit when she saw the boys and I know she was happy they were there. Just tired of knee jerk reactions from my family for little things. That is part of what got me here in the first place also, my knee jerk reaction to my STBX leaving.
Sara,
I try to pick my battles with my family. Not worth the arguments. I probably did not apply that in the past with STBX also, so I am learning. Childcare for 5 boys is tough to find and expensive. I have lots of friends that have offered to watch the boys if needed.
I am actually going to a football game today to meet up with college buddies that I have not seen for at least 15 years. S6's Godparents are going to watch the boys for a few hours.
Not sure what happened but since yesterday I have been sneezing and now have a head cold. It has been rough this morning. Boys can sense I am not feeling well and have offered to help clean the apartment. They are vacuuming and cleaning their rooms and wiping things down with wipes. They are great little men.
Sara,
As far as STBX goes, her last text to me was this: I am sorry this weekend won't work. I would give anything to see them. I am not sure why we cannot come to an agreement about Canadian Thanksgiving weekend but that's fine we can discuss in mediation.
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
Just swinging by as I have not dropped in for a bit.
Good to see you and the boys had some fun at the party in spite of some of the pregame drama.
Ugh!! The dreaded fall time cold... Just trying to shake one myself. Be sure to care for yourself and squeeze in some rest as it can drag on you a bit... Kinda stating the obvious there aren't I.
It is good to read a bit more spunk and confidence in your postings of late....
I am proud of those little fellas of yours. It really touches my heart to hear you share how they are helping you out and aware you are feeling a little unwell. I know that feeling and it is priceless.
Have a great my friend.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
Mediation was/is supposed to be at 1pm today. Her L emails my L and says STBX is sick and is available by phone. My L wants to postpone everything, waiting to hear back from mediator.
I am at a loss for words with what STBX is doing.
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
So sorry that this is dragging on and on for you and your kiddos, JK.
((((((Jim)))))
H: 44, Me: 45 Married: 20 y Together: 25 y no kids Walk away: 12/15 Asked for temp separation 12/25/15 PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had) H filed for D 5/16
STBX called in to negotiate and did not even drive down. It took 5 hours to get things completed. Neither of us liked the results for different reasons. It was a very difficult and draining 5 hours but at least we don't have to go to trial.
We addressed custody and financials. It is now sent to the judge for review and should be final in 21 days.
I am sure everyone is curious to know the outcome. I would like to document it first to ensure my wording and sequence of events is correct and share every detail with my internet family.
Although I did not get much sleep last night, I woke up feeling ok today. A new chapter in my book of life has begun.
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
M 10yrs T 13yrs BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce April '17-Letting go 2018 D busted DD8, DS6, DS3
