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Glad your d is okay smile but poor thing with the blisters. Not pleasant!

Glad that wife is being somewhat more open and kind. Funnily enough wh is tonight. Texting me and checking up on me.. is there something in the air. Just remain cautiously optimistic. I know it's easy to get more excited and look into these new actions but just remember how quick they can change. We just need to carry on with our journey like we have. And if at some point they want to join us. They will.


Me 26 H 25
M 4
T 5
Baby born 4/14
BD: 1/15
EA: 2/15
PA: 4/15
reconciling: 4/15
ILYBINILWY- 11/15
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Cherry. I think you are right. Carry on and stay positive. Not sure I am naive enough to even be cautiously optimistic. Having dropped off D8 this morning W had a tiny bit of vexed about her. Didn't come across at me, but perhaps I am reading into things. I think my point is, I am often one that reads into - why did she say this etc stuff. But not today. She has gone to work and I will look after D8. Then both kids will sleep over. Also I have them for the weekend which is great.

Ineed to have zero expectations and detach fully still. Just stay focused on the kids and work.

Surfer.


M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids
Issues2009
Wpartying w/g.f's2013on
EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR
ImeetAP/EAhalts
VariousBDDates
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I have been inspired some great quotes from Zeus below. I have adapted them as they work better for my mind this way:

NEGATIVITY occurs when adversity makes it difficult to cope. Negativity continues until a coping strategy is instigated (by adapting). Prolonged negativity can lead to frustration, resentment, rage, rebellion, hate etc.

VENTING occurs due to negativity. However, by adapting to the negativity (changing, accepting, detaching etc) the stages that follow prolonged negativity need not develop. Peace can be restored.

Answer: Venting - Good, Negativity - OK, Prolonged Negativity - Bad. Adapt, Accept, Detach, Move on - Perfect.

Hope this helps.

Surfer.


M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids
Issues2009
Wpartying w/g.f's2013on
EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR
ImeetAP/EAhalts
VariousBDDates
MFCourse
WSpew
EAresumes I halt
Wrages
DBIng4/2016




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Had quiet an easy day today. Bit of childcare, but of work, bit of sunbathing - presently by the outdoor pool at the gym soaking up some rays. It's 3.30pm and 82 degrees in September so time for a staff GAL session. I'm. Good boss like that LoL. Going to fit in a run or swim then some food shopping, housework, cooking, more work and perhaps a late evening drink we will see.

Life has wriggled back to a happy norm. My D8's foot seems to be slowly improving and kids were happy when they left this morning.

W cane to pick them up. She was late and disorganised. Often a sign she is about to crumble and loose it. She nearly did, but she kept it together.

I have been using a lot more validation recently. She has been calling me much more. Whilst I like this, I do think she is perhaps also coming to terms with the fact that if she pulls the rip chord (D) she gets the label of home wrecker and also gets a much more stressful life and will be comfortable with a paid for house but mnimal financial support otherwise.

All of this latter part is pointless mindreading so I am just going to continue with what seems to be working and stay away from what seems not to - as that seems to be providing the right results for the kids.

I am in a happy place today. I want to stay with this. I know cycling takes time to go fully. But I can live with that.

Surfer.


M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids
Issues2009
Wpartying w/g.f's2013on
EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR
ImeetAP/EAhalts
VariousBDDates
MFCourse
WSpew
EAresumes I halt
Wrages
DBIng4/2016




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I like your simplified version of negativity and venting. And you're right- note the negativity, adapt, change, detach and move on.

Sounds like you have had a great day. And it sounds like your GAL efforts are helping to get you into a better place. And good job on stopping the mind reading, observe but don't dwell. If they want to dig themselves out of this hole, they will do. In the meantime, we are living the life of divorcees. We are managing and getting on with life and starting to live our lives and find ourselves. And while you're at it, you're a kick ass dad! You're doing a great job!


Me 26 H 25
M 4
T 5
Baby born 4/14
BD: 1/15
EA: 2/15
PA: 4/15
reconciling: 4/15
ILYBINILWY- 11/15
ILY-1/16
ILYBNILWY 4/16
ILY 6/16
ILYBINILWY 6/16
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Thanks Cherry you are a kick ass Mum too!

Keep up the good work. We just need to focus on not slipping back now - or at least as little as possible. It's about stability to some degree. Stay on track and refine your course.

You are doing great.

Surfer.


M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids
Issues2009
Wpartying w/g.f's2013on
EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR
ImeetAP/EAhalts
VariousBDDates
MFCourse
WSpew
EAresumes I halt
Wrages
DBIng4/2016




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Journaling to close out a little anxiety.

So about 10 days ago W told me she tickets already booked for something. It's on my day with kids (Sunday), but it's something they would love. I took the higher ground (rather than saying it's unfair to interfere with my time) and said she should take them (she did say I could take them - she would not have wanted me to go along too - so I didn't offer that option). But she had made the effort and that felt like the right thing to do. So she is taking them. She then said, can I take them to something after for a bit. Again I agreed. They will be gone between 10-2pm.

There were stories about how her wayward friends could not make it as the timing was wrong/tickets were not available etc. I thought okay? She knows I don't like her friend - perhaps she is trying to reassure.

She left a VM for me today, to see if the tickets had come here today - which is very late for something she booked ages ago (and prior to 10 days ago). She mentioned tickets for one of her wayward friends - one that lied to me about her EA and the one that couldn't make it, one of three I don't like. I just validated. I know I am mind reading - but this feels like one of those lies potentially.....I will maintain my composure. I will not say anything.

I think I am noticing one of my faults. It's that I tend to look for the worst. It's not a good trait. What I also do is use my great BS detector. It's rarely wrong. But if you spend enough time looking for a lie, you will find one too. I need to work out how to deal with this. There is a fine balance in being treated like a fool and setting yourself up for a fail - via an argument that didn't need to take place.

Also, there is a need not to give a sh!t. Okay, you are getting on together. Which is not bad - certainly for the kids. It's good. However, why give a sh!t what she is up to? I perhaps need to detach more and just do the okay - enjoy it thing!!

I guess I am also still uncomfortable with my W being out with waywards without her wedding ring on (and trying to hide what she is doing with them). In the meantime, I am being 'nice'. I am doing this for the sake of my kids - but there's an element in it for her too. Tricky - when you want to say; stay away from them, they are misguiding you.

You need to be nice, to become get along - without being nice/friendly you are fooling yourself. There will be no relationship. If you don't you are not giving your relationship a chance.

I guess also, if you are being treated badly. Set a boundary. If you are not, don't try to.

I still have ongoing trust issues and I need to work on them. I also simply do not like her friends and 'influencers' at all.

I think I need to stop overthinking. Let her GAL. You can't control your S. Let go.

I would welcome any thoughts.

Surfer.


M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids
Issues2009
Wpartying w/g.f's2013on
EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR
ImeetAP/EAhalts
VariousBDDates
MFCourse
WSpew
EAresumes I halt
Wrages
DBIng4/2016




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Ha ha. Just 4 posts up - Adapt, Accept, Detach, Move on (but first a little vent to get it off your chest).

So what. She is going to GAL. I am not going to act like her H. I am however, going to insist that I take them to the door of the venue when they go as D8 in on crutches and the car park is miles away. I will pick them up also.

Surfer.


M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids
Issues2009
Wpartying w/g.f's2013on
EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR
ImeetAP/EAhalts
VariousBDDates
MFCourse
WSpew
EAresumes I halt
Wrages
DBIng4/2016




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No expert here Surfer, but that's how I would handle it. Those husband bashers have a lot of clout. It's amazing how accurate your BS meter gets with age. I believe I'm batting 99.9%. At least with my wife.


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I would be interested to hear of anyone who has seen their wife move away from the husband bashing friends.

Surfer.


M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids
Issues2009
Wpartying w/g.f's2013on
EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR
ImeetAP/EAhalts
VariousBDDates
MFCourse
WSpew
EAresumes I halt
Wrages
DBIng4/2016




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