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My favorite quote:
It is what it is and it will be what I make it.
As long as we have a roof over our head, food on the table and clothes on our back, We have nothing to worry about.

I panic for a bit and get back on track eventually. That is me. My high and lows. smile

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Me, now, today..

My x-h crisis has hit me like a ton of bricks. The way I see it today is: I loved the person I was post bomb. I was a good wife, a good mother with strong family values and my accomplishment in my roles of mother and wife were my pride. His crisis took all of it away including my future. It made my past a lie and my present, a living hell. The battle it created for me was to get through what I thought was a perfect life, say goodbye to it and re-start all over. Rediscover myself. Not as a wife or mother but as an individual. Because without those, I was nothing. Everyone came first and it was ok. I was not miserable nor sad. it was what made me happy. My devotion and hard work was rewarded in good intentions and good behaviors.

The changes I worked on in me, eventho I said over and over on this board that I wanted to be me again, were: Have a voice, Have an opinion, My feelings matters as much as everyone else's feelings, STAND UP for yourself.

The results of those changes are: I attract people who are struggling because I listen, I care, I say a few words, I won' t leave until they are calm. I make them think for themselves. Their solution is inside each and everyone of them.

I have become judgemental. I am surrounded by MLCer and I refuse to have anything to do with them. in a way, it is sad because they are struggling as much as the LBS. I will associate with the LBS and their family without hesitation. I see injustice and I get upset and feel the need to address it. As a mother of fact, I just did, at work. I stood up for myself and other co- workers. As a result, my boss looks up to me and wants my opinion on many business related issues. He ask for my thought and vision for the future of the store. Those are all positives. The final word and decision is his. BUT, by standing up for myself, someone else got fired. That, I don' t like. Peace is restored and the staff is no longer on edge and fighting but I can' t help feeling sorry and responsible for the stuggle of this particular ex-employee.

In life, there are good days, bad days, hi and lows, luck and bad luck, rain and sunshine. On my bad days, I call it that: one of those days. on good days: Wow, What a day!!!!!!
All of us are good and bad. It is in us. I am working on my judgement of others. Including judging myself.

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Another thought that keeps coming back in my head is: It is all in the way we look at it, the way we see it, 2 sides

Example of this : My life was perfect, for my Ex-H, it was not.

His affair ladies were little ladies to me, I had no respect what so ever for any of them. To him, they were treasures.

to me, his leaving was the biggest mistake of his life. To him, it was a solution, since he attached his misery onto us.

Now, in the situation at work: Confrontation was this ex-co-workers way of doing things to get the results he was looking for. To me, it was not the way to do it. He wanted the respect of ALL staff members but showed no respect to anyone. many walked out crying or quitting because of him. He was unpleasable. Ring a bell????? I met my chance to grow when I met him. He put me to the test of a lifetime in regards of my growth. I tried sooooo hard to make him see everybody else' s worth. I have tried to " change " his approach but he refused saying : " I am who I am and I like me. If you don' t like it, it is on you! ". ( kinda of what we tell our MLCer! ) It shook me up. I started thinking that I was in the wrong. That I had no right to try changing the situation. I felt paralyzed and could not see myself making any difference. That, once again, my opinion was just an opinion and it did not matter. I could not stand seeing good hard-working friends and associates being treated this way. Including me !! I quit. In my mind, if I could not handle his way of doing things, I had to leave. This store is not mine and it is not up to me to decide what is right or wrong or how things should be done. I accept it or I leave. I left. Business went down 7.5 % over the summer. Not only was this Ex-co-worker fighting with the staff but his own work was left to desire. He was giving up. Digging his grave even deeper and he lost his job over it while I got mine back.

Who is right and who is wrong?? If he was to write his story, I am sure it would not sound like this one!! It is the same for MLCer and our story as a LBS.

Different views, different analysis, different circumstances, different opinions, different approach, different situation... !!!

The label of depression should be re-worded to: the beginning of a long journey toward insight and enlightenment. Or maybe it should be the words for Midlife-crisis. Both side are working on this. Only in a different way, a different journey.

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oh, one more thing, lol, is this what acceptance looks like? Is this MY awakening stage? or am I has confused as ever? lol
The future will tell !

Last edited by job; 09/19/16 03:09 PM. Reason: Merged threads
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Question for you all, i have just read in a comment from a lady that her husband felt like a virus that destroys lives.. the article was titled: "when a man hates himself, he takes it out on the woman who loves him. Always remember this." And instead of making changes, had and affair,=left her and his daughter.

I remembered mine saying:" every good thing in my life, everything i touch, goes to hell or turns to sh*t."

Have any of you heard something similar? Could it be a red flag of the beginning of mlc?

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My XW once said:

"I could just vanish and nobody would care."


Currently:
M 56 XW 57
Sons 38,33,31,29

The Sitch:
Married 26 years
EA w/ OM 9/10
Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary)
Sep 12/10
She wants D 1/11
W files 5/11
D final 10/11
XW marries OM 6/13
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Similar. My XH would talk about how he "failed" at things. Said, "I have nothing". As we were packing up our house that had sold (part of our mediation agreement) he had a breakdown; sobbing and clutching at me, and saying that he was not "worthy".

I agree that they feel the need to take things out at times on someone else. I work with a student who has violent behaviors. He is on the spectrum and has trust and communication issues. But he has come a long way in the 7 years I've worked with him and very seldom hurts people now. He looks to me and my work mate when he feels confused or afraid. But when he feels the need to lash out at someone, he will walk away from the person who he is angry or afraid of and seek out me or the workmate to hit or attack...he knows we are "safe" and will still be there after all is said and done, even if there are repercussions and consequences.


M-51 H-54
2D-27 and 25
M-26 yrs
Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15
He moved out 10-3-15
D filed 1-27-16
D final 10-27-16

Kindness, kindness, kindness.
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Quote:
oh, one more thing, lol, is this what acceptance looks like? Is this MY awakening stage? or am I has confused as ever? lol

FWIW, IMO, this is start of acceptance.


"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter".
"Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!"
"Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
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Tad, was it prior to BD?
mine was. I had pointed out to him that I was proud of us. we had a beautiful family. even though our house was not a castle, it still was much more beautiful than the houses we grew up in. Our kids had an easier childhood than ours because we made it this way. We had a strong relationship. ( that conversation was my first " oh-oh" moment " he disregarded everything I said and turned it into NOT GOOD ENOUGH ) Oh well, IT WAS GOOD ENOUGH TO ME AND IT IS STILL ENOUGH TO ME.. smile


ciluzen, I believe their words could be link to MLC. Their depressive thoughts and unhappiness prior to self medication. your student story is very interesting and does reflect that article. so many similarities in different settings.

Eric, my biggest obstacle was accepting this new lifestyle. being on my own. accepting that some aspect had to suffer or be neglected so that i could keep giving my children the life they knew. the lifestyle they were accustomed to. I carried a huge amount of resentment concerning this. It took me a long time to let go and find appreciation for this new life. today, I would not change a thing ! smile

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Yes, it was prior to bomb drop. I remember thinking that she was crazy for even thinking such a thing. I loved her dearly and couldn't even imagine what would make her say that.

After bomb drop, but before she left, she even admitted to being "broken."

Tad


Currently:
M 56 XW 57
Sons 38,33,31,29

The Sitch:
Married 26 years
EA w/ OM 9/10
Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary)
Sep 12/10
She wants D 1/11
W files 5/11
D final 10/11
XW marries OM 6/13
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