Weekend is over now and Sunday was much the same as Saturday. I spent some time with S2 in the morning and then set up some sprinklers for the boys to play in during the afternoon in the backyard. My W joined me in the backyard to watch the boys play and then joined me to watch her favorite team play football in the late afternoon. Still weird sitch. Once again she sat next to me on the couch and watched the game talked. I do know she was texting OM #2 during all of this but didn't say anything. I have no idea what is going on with this guy. She was also texting another guy at the same time who she used to work with but I know that was about football. Maybe all these texts are innocent, but I don't know.
Anyway, I have to get my S6 ready for school. I'm going to try to stay busy with S2 most of the day and then take S6 to his cub scouts meeting tonight. My W is going out of town tomorrow for 3 days to OM #1 office. That should be a good test for me. I need to stay busy and keep my mind off what could be going on with her over there.
M39, W36 T12, M10 S6,S2 Discovered EA 8/8 that started 7/31
I know, I know. Part of me thought maybe I should get up and walk out, but we were having an actual good time watching the game together. Plus, I don't want her to think that I suspect a possible OM #2 because then she will realize that I snooped, so I just try to act like everything is normal. Honestly, I don't even know what they are texting about. It's best that I don't try to think about it because it won't do me any good. There is a good chance that whatever I'm thinking they are talking about might not be as bad as what they are actually saying.
I'm having a hard time understanding what to do here. I am trying to detach and get a life of my own and I think I am doing resonably well with that right now. However, one of my W's biggest complaints about me is that I haven't been there for her. She thinks I didn't ask her enough questions or try to engage her in conversations. She thinks I was self centered and only cared about myself. Some of this I agree with. Anyway, I have been trying to be more attentive when she talks to me. I have been trying to get to know her better by asking questions about her day, her past, etc. Yesterday, she started talking to me about some of the classes she took in college. I didn't ask her about it, but she just started telling me like she wanted me know her better. Almost like she was making some sort of effort. I might be reading too much into this, but she has told me that I don't really know her and she never talked about her past but in the last few weeks she has told me stuff that she has never brought up before (Both serious things and not so serious). I honestly have no idea what is going on in her mind and I probably shouldn't try to figure it out.
M39, W36 T12, M10 S6,S2 Discovered EA 8/8 that started 7/31
I'm having a hard time understanding what to do here. I am trying to detach and get a life of my own and I think I am doing resonably well with that right now. However, one of my W's biggest complaints about me is that I haven't been there for her. She thinks I didn't ask her enough questions or try to engage her in conversations. She thinks I was self centered and only cared about myself. Some of this I agree with. Anyway, I have been trying to be more attentive when she talks to me. I have been trying to get to know her better by asking questions about her day, her past, etc. Yesterday, she started talking to me about some of the classes she took in college. I didn't ask her about it, but she just started telling me like she wanted me know her better. Almost like she was making some sort of effort. I might be reading too much into this, but she has told me that I don't really know her and she never talked about her past but in the last few weeks she has told me stuff that she has never brought up before (Both serious things and not so serious). I honestly have no idea what is going on in her mind and I probably shouldn't try to figure it out.
It's a hard tight rope to balance one...
I would say that you take what you can, right up to the point where you are sacrificing yourself for it...
When you recognize that you are getting sucked in, then you walk away...
And then there is always ...
She is openly seeing OM, yet you are still there for her to meet the emotional needs that her OM isn't giving to her...
While I understand where both Drew and Mach are coming from.
Enjoy the moments until you cannot.
I believe that this is an chance for her to see the new side of you to spend time together so see can see possibly even believe in her mind that you aren't the guy see has re-written in her mind at least for awhile.
Until you cannot do it any longer.
The texts, yes a bit disrespectful, but I will say the monster in your head of what they are actually about is usually a much bigger monster in your head than the reality of the situation. And even if the monster is a big one...do you need to see it? Since you cannot kill it right now?
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I believe that this is an chance for her to see the new side of you to spend time together so see can see possibly even believe in her mind that you aren't the guy see has re-written in her mind at least for awhile.
I believe that this is an chance for her to see the new side of you to spend time together so see can see possibly even believe in her mind that you aren't the guy see has re-written in her mind at least for awhile.
Until you cannot do it any longer.
That was my door number one ^^^^
This is how I am feeling right now. If she is actually initiating spending time with me and acknowledging that she see change in me without me saying anything then I am going to keep doing what I am doing. I will not go out of my way to spend time with her or act needy, but if she wants to with me it might be the only way to change her perception of me.
I agree with you Jack_Three_Beans, the monsters that I have in my head about what she is doing might be much worse than what is actually going on. I know I have gotten paranoid about every guy she is talking too now. Which is stupid, because she works in a male dominated industry so she is going to have interaction with plenty of men on a daily basis. Do i think its strange that she and this OM #2 have been spending an unusual amount of time texting? Yes, but I have no proof that anything is going on, and if I said something to her then I can't imagine what the consequences would be for me and my W's relationship.
M39, W36 T12, M10 S6,S2 Discovered EA 8/8 that started 7/31
Went to my sons cub scout meeting tonight where I got a little depressed. Saw several moms and dads there with their sons tonight and of course my mind wanders to my M or lack there of. I had a hard time concentrating and I was really frustrated at myself but I couldn't focus on anything else. I also was checking out the mom's at the meeting (not in a sexual way) and they don't remind me of my W anymore. These women seemed to be mom's first regardless of their careers and I can't see my W that way anymore. A couple of months ago I could see my W at one of these meetings interacting with the kids and giving it her full attention. Now I think if she went she would spend the whole time on her phone texting or scrolling through facebook.
When I got home my W was on couch with S2 watching football and drinking a glass of wine. I don't even know what started the conversation, but she tells me there are about 4 or 5 guys that consistently flirt with her. She said she doesn't know why, maybe it was all the weight she has lost. I wanted to say it might be the weight but it also might be the fact that you dress like you're going to the clubs/bars instead of going to work, but I kept my mouth shut. She will be out of town the next 3 days/ 2 nights (at OM #1 office working), but hopefully I can relax and take my mind off of it. In a way it was a good conversation tonight, because I can tell she hasn't really changed her mindset towards me even though we have been getting along well lately. I know she really doesn't want anything to do with me and I know that as long as these other men are giving her the attention then she will never be in a position to try our marriage again.
Also, I have noticed that my W's interaction towards me is different during the week when she has been to work. She is much more cold or distant towards me, but on the weekends she is much more her usual self. I don't know, but maybe all the attention she gets at work from these guys gets into her head,but on the weekends she just hangs around the house with nobody to flirt with except for the occasional text. She has said these guys that are flirting with her are older (mid 40s to 50) with families and that might be why the texts slow down on the weekend. So the weekends she is more likely to engage in conversations and hang out with me. I guess that might be cake eating.
M39, W36 T12, M10 S6,S2 Discovered EA 8/8 that started 7/31
My W made a comment to me last night that I act like everything is fine. I think she means that I am usually in a good mood around her and I interact with her. I don't know what she trying to say and maybe I shouldn't have said anything, but I told her everything was not fine. I told her if everything was fine we wouldn't be living like we are living.
Also, I mentioned in a previous post that she talked about 4 or 5 guys that flirt with her. She called 2 of them by name (they are the ones I refer to as OM#1 and OM#2) which I didn't know how to take. I knew there names but I didn't really want to hear it said out loud. She told me I'm to blame for all these guys flirting with her because I never bought her a new wedding ring when she lost hers. She told me not to bother getting one now because she wouldn't wear it (that was the last thing I would do). She also said we can't use kids as an excuse to stay married. I never told her we need to stay married for the kids, I told her in the past I would like to try to work things out and the kids were a reason for that.
Anyway we go to bed in a weird place and then this morning I go downstairs and she wants to show me something on TV that she thought was funny. She also told me a funny story about our S2 talking in his sleep last night. It's just weird how she can switch from being so serious when we last talked last night to being my friend this morning.
I took her to get her rental car today for her work trip and she was texting OM#2. She was trying to hide it but I could still see it was him without even trying to snoop. He was texting her some funny pictures. She reminds me of a teenage girl with the way she texts.
M39, W36 T12, M10 S6,S2 Discovered EA 8/8 that started 7/31
