I spent the night at a friend's on Friday. By the time I came home on Saturday W was very contrite and apologetic and swore it won't happen again. I was pretty cold most of the day -- a broken heart doesn't easily smile. Sunday was better, but we had a tiff when she criticized me for two very innocuous things I said. I'm trying to detach. GAL. But still be present in this R I want to preserve. In the middle of the night she said something about putting my name on the house rather than me buying a condo. I was stunned and didn't say much. My wounded soul expects a catch, I guess. Nothing was said this morning. Was I dreaming? I don't think so...
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
NYGal, I'm glad she apologized. Seems like pulling away rather than getting in her face, worked. It still can't keep happening, though. Has this been discussed in counseling yet?
Continue to take care of yourself and your financial future. Are you GALing?
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
I'm GALing a bit, yes, thanks, Painter. But not like before. I try. I'm either going to put an offer on a condo or get my name on our house... we'll see how the discussion goes tonight. Thanks so much for checking in.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
No, Painter, we still go to MC. And the story changed from "your name should be on the house" to "maybe when we have more stability your name should be on the house." Which comes first, the chicken or the betrayed spouse?
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Given those parameters, what is your plan? My concern for you is that your W has no fear of crossing your boundaries. Sure, youre going to get mad or 'lose it', and then what? Time marches on, you swallow it, and you guys resume living your life.
My concern has not changed. Your boundaries seem so flimsy in that you say you arent willing to accept this kind of contact with OW, but then theres no real consequence to it once W crosses that line. Sure, you get mad or in this case, you left the house for a bit...but does W have any inclination that this might be a deal breaker for you? Does she have fear that YOU would be the one to walk away?
Hawker said above that you need to protect yourself. And I wholeheartedly agree. You DO need to protect yourself. But not just financially...emotionally as well.
We talk about it in counseling. But W never really gets called out on it or has to answer... why would you do such a thing????? But when I ask her she just says it was a dumb, dumb mistake and she regrets it. I think the MC says it takes a while to get over an A... blechhh.
I'm probably going to be outbid on the condo... i was hoping mine would be the only offer but there's another one... oh well.
I am planning things without W, and accepting invitations whether she can join or not (well one for this Saturday...) She's busy now two nights every mid-week so I do things when she's not home, and sometimes when she is. I do NOT want to just wait to see her schedule then adjust mine to fit hers. And I am trying to wear those cool outfits. W does notice. I do need to work on being more the life of the party even though I'm not the life of any party... W likes that, and it does make her think I'm more desirable and that someone could be interested... and she doesn't want that! I do believe there is a fear in her that I could fall for someone else, someone who hasn't hurt me as much as she has. But we all know that's not happening because I really do want my M.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
