It's harder than I thought to regain trust and let go of the power the ow has over my thoughts, but I'm working on it. I probably spend more time thinking of her than W does. For example, I was drifting off to sleep and had this urge to flip the darn mattress over then and there! But I didn't. I will.
Any advice from others on how to quit thinking about the ow, especially when I see her at work way too much? And especially since she's going to be promoted to the head of her department and it will be a big announcement. Sigh.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
I understand the struggle. Even on the good days I sometimes find myself having negative thoughts and have to make a conscious effort to redirect them.
I have a mental image I use of me from one of my GAL activities (mud run) without spouse. If I find myself picturing W with OM, or remembering one of the emails they exchanged, or wondering if there have been any secret contacts, I switch to that mental image of me being awesome. Focus on remembering that day and that moment, and how it felt. Picturing the weather, and the post-race cheeseburger. Think about the future fun runs I am already looking forward to, etc.
It has been effective for me, and helps reinforce to myself that even if after all this we still don't make it... I will be ok, and it will be her loss.
OW isn't a threat to you. You're a strong lady and will make it through whatever happens, so don't give her power over you.
Me, WW - Upper 30s BD - Apr 1 2016 EA - Apr 7 2016 (discovered; ongoing for months; did not confront right away) Confronted wife about EA - May 17 Wife sent NC email to OM - July 11
Thanks, EDF. And I just found a link in my email about how a power stance not only makes us look stronger and more competent to others, it also can actually change the way we feel about ourselves.
It's a Ted Talk by Amy Cuddy. I think we could all benefit from a self-confidence boost!
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
I've come to the point where I dread Mondays. I don't think about ow much over the weekend, but during the work week she could be lurking anywhere. This week they will probably announce that she got the big HR top job. And I just read a draft of the new policies on ethics and integrity. What a joke. I'm supposed to let someone know if I suspect that another employee has been guilty of unethical or illegal behavior, but how does a lowly admin challenge the head of HR who can't keep her mouth shut about why people are fired? I guess I just have to wait for her karma to bite her in the butt. Here karma, here karma!
Meanwhile, W attended the meeting she has every other week with ow (and several others). She says she didn't sit or talk with her THIS week. Well, I guess that's progress.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
I feel for you NYGal, having ow (small letters, insignificant!) working in the same company and in a position of trust and responsibility. Makes me sick!
But you know your W chose to stay with you, remember that. She has nothing on you!
Me - 47 H - 45 D-16 M - 6 years Separated - May 16
Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
It does stink that they work together...it seems like that has happened to a lot of people on here, myself included. It would be hard to stay focused while at work knowing she is lurking around. I think as long as your W is telling you what happens in the meetings, etc that is good that she is open and honest with you! You can find out anyhow but it is good that she is telling you! And Coly is right, your W chose you not Gerbil....haha
W:42 M:48 T:9 yrs M:1yr BD: Feb 2016 EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016 D: Feb 2017
But you know your W chose to stay with you, remember that. She has nothing on you!
I know it's easy for us to say it because we aren't in your shoes but I second what Coly said. Don't forget she left OW to come back to her W, you!!!!! That's a big deal!
Well ow just got named to the top HR post here. I guess it's ok to sleep with 5 employees, one, maybe two of them affairs, one a triangle with another employee (i.e. me, the LBS), tell everyone why your boss got fired. And still get the top job. Damn it all to hell. Let's see that get censored.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
