Yesterday night I skyped with STBXW. It was the final conversation about with whom the kids shall stay. I knew her arguments for the kids to stay with her in this foreign land and she knew mine for wanting the kids to return home. I asked her if she would honour what she had said previously, that is, in order to avoid discussing the kids' custody she would allow the kids to stay with me. She said yes. She then started sobbing, sobbing, sobbing. She said she could not picture her life without the kids. She said it was too much. She said S7 would never forgive her for having abandoned him. I told her there would not pass one day without me telling the kids they had the best mother in the world, a mother who deeply loved them every single moment of their lives. I reassured her about her freedom of contacts and visits to the kids. She kept sobbing. She then said she would drop her job in this foreign land just to be with the kids. (Here I need to explain something: five years ago, when I came working for this international organization, STBWX asked for an unpaid leave from her job and came joining me with the kids. Being a proud and active woman, not having work in this country decisively contributed to her depression. Therefore she was very pleased when this year she found a job in the kids' school. She has not job to return to back home. I realized if she would just come to our home island because of the kids, she would most certainly fall into depression.) I then told her she should think about it. She said she didn´t need to. I then, in a kind of joking way, ordered her as her ex-husband not to take any decision until today. This lightened the mood and she finally accepted. The whole time I was very firm and assertive, without being rude, while she was crumbling. I felt such pity for her. I feel pity for my boys. One way or the other they will be without one of their parents. And I think this is the first time STBWX faces the consequences of her actions.
Me43 W39 M 12y,T 15y S09,S07 Bomb Jun14 Sleeping separately Jan/Mar15 Share bed Mar/May15 Reconcile Jun15 Aug15 W sais D will happen D told to kids Sept15 W moved out with kids 01 October15
SH, thanks for posting on my birthday. Knowing that someone out there is thinking about me warms my heart.
I decided to make a break from my break just to post some things from a newsletter I receive that really struck me.
"Life is for You
When you learn how to be curious about what is going on inside of you, you discover the ability to meet whatever you are experiencing without turning it into a problem. You can then give the energy that was bound up in your struggles the attention and the spaciousness it needs in order to let go. This brings you back to the free-flowing aliveness that you truly are – the field of your being. In order to be curious about what is going on rather than always trying to control it, it is important to know that your life is for you. Life is not just a random series of events that happen because you did it right or you did it wrong. Instead, it is an intelligent unfolding that is revealing itself to you all day long, bringing you step-by-step from unconsciousness to consciousness. Or as Eckhart Tolle says, “Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment.”
Me43 W39 M 12y,T 15y S09,S07 Bomb Jun14 Sleeping separately Jan/Mar15 Share bed Mar/May15 Reconcile Jun15 Aug15 W sais D will happen D told to kids Sept15 W moved out with kids 01 October15
I was inspired as I did not realize it was your birthday. So happy belated Birthday my friend.
I absolutely love this post from you and will be copying it over to my thread. Wise thought and truly inspiring.
Quote:
"Life is for You
When you learn how to be curious about what is going on inside of you, you discover the ability to meet whatever you are experiencing without turning it into a problem. You can then give the energy that was bound up in your struggles the attention and the spaciousness it needs in order to let go. This brings you back to the free-flowing aliveness that you truly are – the field of your being. In order to be curious about what is going on rather than always trying to control it, it is important to know that your life is for you. Life is not just a random series of events that happen because you did it right or you did it wrong. Instead, it is an intelligent unfolding that is revealing itself to you all day long, bringing you step-by-step from unconsciousness to consciousness. Or as Eckhart Tolle says, “Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment.”
I hope that you are well and while I understand the need to take a break from here, i hope you don't stay away to long as I am inspired each time you share something like this. I hope you are well and that also your family is.
Peace be unto you my friend, my brother, my kindred spirit in the journey that we are on.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
Happy New Year to All of You! I decided to come back just to recall the Waiver by Melodie Beattie (from her book of More Language of Letting Go). I posted it last year and thought it deserves another posting. And today is a good day to sign it and put it on the wall.
Before you can jump out of the airplane, before you can fly solo in an airplane, before you can go on the whitewater rafting trip, before you can make a bungee jump, you have to sign a waiver.
The waiver is a document that says you realize the dangers in what you're about to do, that you and you alone have made the decision to participate in the activity, and that you and you alone are responsible for the outcome.
You sign away your right to sue, whine, complain--to do anything except risk your life for a new experience.
You sign the waiver to protect others from being liable in case of an accident. I think waivers are a good reminder that ultimately no one is responsible for my life but me. There is no one to blame, no one to sue, no one to ask for a refund. I make my own decisions and I live with the result of those choices each day.
So do you.
It's your life. Sign a waiver saying that you take responsibility for it. Set yourself and others free.
* * * * *
Read the following waiver carefully. Fill in the blanks, and be aware of what you're signing. Take responsibility for what you do.
Waiver
I understand that during the course of my life I will be required to make many decisions, such as where I want to live, whom I want to live with, where I work, how much fun I have, and how I spend my money and time, including how much time I spend waiting for things to get better and people to change, and whom I choose to love.
I understand that many events that occur will be out of my hands and that there are inherent dangers and risks in all decisions I make. Life and people have no obligation whatsoever to live up to my expectations; I have no obligation to live up to the expectations of anybody else. Life is a high-risk sport, and I may become injured along the way.
I agree that all the decisions I make are mine and mine alone, including how I choose to handle the events that are beyond my control. I hereby forfeit my right to recourse as a victim, including my rights to blame, complain, and whine or hold someone else responsible for the path I choose to take. I am responsible for my participation--or lack of it--in life. And I take complete responsibility for the outcomes and consequences of all decisions I make, understanding that ultimately it is my choice whether I become happy, joyous, and free or stay miserable and trapped.
Although people may voluntarily nurture and love me, I and I alone am responsible for taking care of and loving myself.
Signed: _________________________
Date: ___________________________
Me43 W39 M 12y,T 15y S09,S07 Bomb Jun14 Sleeping separately Jan/Mar15 Share bed Mar/May15 Reconcile Jun15 Aug15 W sais D will happen D told to kids Sept15 W moved out with kids 01 October15
My dear friend. It is good to hear from you. It is great to be reminded of the wisdom and thoughts that you have shared. Thank you.
I still have you in my prayers and hope that you are progressing well in your journey.
Swing by and let me know how you are doing. I would welcome the opportunity to share and discuss that which we are learning and taking action on... Your wisdom helped me in many moments of challenge.
Happy New year my friend. 2017 is going to be a good one.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
Hello all. I really don't know why I came here at this hour, but I am here anyway. More than half a year has passed since I last posted an update. So much has happened in my life, but today I will just mention what is about to come not what has been. Tomorrow we file the papers and in one month or less everything will be finalized. And maybe this is why I came here, because I guess only here a soon to be divorced can hope for his feelings to be understood. Divorce is a crime against humanity and I feel powerless to stop all non-believers in the sanctity of marriage from even get engaged. They don't deserve us. They are not worthy of all the power and all the trust it's put in their hands. They create havoc and not even their kids are safe from the destruction they spread May He have mercy of them, and of us.
Me43 W39 M 12y,T 15y S09,S07 Bomb Jun14 Sleeping separately Jan/Mar15 Share bed Mar/May15 Reconcile Jun15 Aug15 W sais D will happen D told to kids Sept15 W moved out with kids 01 October15
Well, Here I am again, so I might just write something. Eight months ago my end of mission arrived. I left the international organization I had worked for the last five years and came back to this little island. I came back with my two kids and my mother, who accepted to give me a hand with the move. Miss Opportunity stayed in the foreign country until November. I had wonderful times in September, October and November. For the first time since September 2015, when Miss Oportunity left our house I had the kids with me all the time. We went through the process of entering the new school, starting swimming pool classes and becoming boy scouts. I managed everything smoothly, rented a new house and started working in my old office. We connected with Miss Oportunity's best friend, who became my best friend. She had endured ten years of domestic violence and managed to save the marriage. Now her husband and she are very happy together. She is with all the might of her soul against divorce. We talked and talked and talked. She told me she had asked Miss Opportunity for the reasons of our divorce and MO could not give her one. Then MO came in mid November and I saw saddness in my kids' eyes. Of course they were happy to see their mom but they knew their split life would start all over again. Fast forwarding, the papers are signed and one of these days I will be a divorced man. I will not be there to sign the papers, my brother will sign them for me, but MO made a point of honour to be there. So she is willing to fly - the divorce will happen in the mainland - just to do that. She told me she needs to do that, it is very important to her. Last week I had a small breakdown. MO's best friend offered MO and the kids a dog, saying she was giving the dog also to me. I was not there, but MO's best friend still sees us as a married couple. It was my week with the kids and they asked me if they could bring the dog with them, it had arrived the previous day. I said no because it is not my dog. Later on I thought about it. We always wanted a dog, but could not because when we go on vacation we have no one to take care of him. And now the kids have one and I was robbed of the joys of it. Also, the friend told me that when the kids are with MO they always go visit the friend. S8 loves to be with her husband and the friend told me one can really see he needs a father and when he is not with me he is replacing me with her husband. I am having dreams were we reconcile. They are more like nightmares, because I feel nothing for MO but I know I would force myself to be with her again for the sake of the kids.
Me43 W39 M 12y,T 15y S09,S07 Bomb Jun14 Sleeping separately Jan/Mar15 Share bed Mar/May15 Reconcile Jun15 Aug15 W sais D will happen D told to kids Sept15 W moved out with kids 01 October15
