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So today was a great day. I went to my son's Kindergarten welcome/ intro thing at his school. Big boy. Qualifies for K at 4 years old since his b-day is before the end of Sept. W and I were debating on his emotional ability, but decided if we begin and he cannot handle it, we can always w/draw him and put him back to pre-K until next fall, but ultimately and independently, we both arrived at thinking h is ready for K.

I then took him out and about.Got him a muffin, he went w/ me to buy my text books for my classes. I took him to observed group play session at the kid therapist. And he napped in an out this afternoon during a movie. Oh...and a happy meal. I really think McD's is garbage, but man kids love those happy meals.

And even though being w/ him today was the best part, a great part was being w/ my W at the school and I felt no confusion, fear, anger, awkwardness, sympathy, heroism, rescuing, apology, dependence, need, etc. I was a guy there with a girl and we share a kid and all three of us have love for one another - I did feel that.


"There is no more important fight than the one for ourselves. Keep on winning." Ginger1, Read her newbies.
BD: Feb '16
D: Mar '17
Piecing: Putting the self back together was my piecing.
S6


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CT1118 Offline OP
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Let me get back on track with the Fight for Self here:

The Reinvention of All that Is Me

I know from reading around the forums the struggles we all have. Confusion, pain, anger, tears...list could continue across the spectrum until we reach strength, resolve, wisdom. It can be frustrating to be here and see some who began after us make gains before us. Likewise, to read stories from those who feel stuck in one spot, from those who are just beginning, or from those two years down the roads still working. Every single person's story speaks to the challenge of what we face.

My friend albac posted something on another friend thread recently I wanted to clip and share here, because it is worth spreading:

From albac -

"The reinvention of all that is me"
I also wrote this above. It is a clip from a paragraph of albac replying. Its out of context, but stands alone. I may put it on a T-shirt, or name my next book, album or dog after that sentence. Words are power, and that sentence has magic. If you are wondering, 'what is this divorce busting all about?' There you go, those 7 words cut it to the bone. Nothing is about anything here but you. Open your heart to this idea.

"I have worked on me but she at the moment she is just trying to push her problems aside. If she doesn't want to work on her then we will never work."
albac takes us into the sublime again. This is so true. But it works in reverse - if your personal mission statement does not begin with "I have worked on me..." you will remain just a portrait of something that used to be to your other. And the really hard work too. The really hard work that you have to do... Do it.

"So I guess my point is as hard as it is to swallow, I need to turn my ego off for a second and realize that right this minute as things stand I am far better off without my W. It hurts for sure but it is the only way."

Yes Yes Yes. ad infinitum. Once again, this is hits core concept so well. Awakening. Realization. Hope. For the self, all of the above.

So thank you albac. In all fairness to albac, the above are removed fro the context of the thread where I got them. However, the statements lept upon me as I read them and surely they have meaning on their own.

At some point we can all wake up to the fact that our lives are not about our others. We can love them, we can want them, we can hope they get better - H3ll, if we are fully evolved and that type of person, we can hope they are happy with or without us. My hardest part of this has been the children. Not just my own story, but reading others, so much confusion with the children there. Most of us agree, "...were it not for the kids..." maybe that's easy to say and maybe its true - I will never know, I am going through this with a child. But even then, our lives are not about those kids. This was the hardest to swallow, and the last pill I had to.

Our children do not need a shell of the person who looks like mom/dad, our children require the power source inside. Think about it. If one day our kids do not love or respect us, it will not be because we had a great looking corpse, it will be because inside we were a corpse. As well, our children are not the weapons of war. Not hammers, not nails, not for us to wield. This was the last pill for me. I have to come first to put my son first. I have to save my own life so that I will not create a second victim. I have to be into me for me; you must be for you.

Look at yourself, learn yourself, judge yourself, believe in yourself, work on yourself, improve yourself, heal yourself, believe in yourself, look at yourself, know yourself, help others, repeat as required.


"There is no more important fight than the one for ourselves. Keep on winning." Ginger1, Read her newbies.
BD: Feb '16
D: Mar '17
Piecing: Putting the self back together was my piecing.
S6


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Well said CT and I am glad you can relate to my thoughts.

I hope you are having a great weekend and working on yourself. I am feeling the best I have felt in so long. It has been a long 8 months since W left but the tables have turned. I wouldn't say I am as happy as ever as it would not be true but I feel excited for the future and the person I can be along with all the possibilities.

As long as we are alive things can always get better! Have a great weekend


ME- 31 W-25
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ILYBNILWY and moved out - FEB16
W seeing someone else - JUL16
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Originally Posted By: albac

I hope you are having a great weekend and working on yourself. I am feeling the best I have felt in so long. I wouldn't say I am as happy as ever as it would not be true but I feel excited for the future and the person I can be along with all the possibilities.
As long as we are alive things can always get better! Have a great weekend


Amen! I feel completely the same way. And thanks buddy, it has been a great weekend thus far. Long one too. I took a couple days off because my son's school was closed. The weather was bad here from this storm, so I am feeling a bit of cabin fever, but the boy and I made the most of it. Tomorrow is supposed to be lovely though and a friend contacted me for a hike with our kids. I take him to the IC at 8am, but after that - day is ours!


"There is no more important fight than the one for ourselves. Keep on winning." Ginger1, Read her newbies.
BD: Feb '16
D: Mar '17
Piecing: Putting the self back together was my piecing.
S6


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Hike sounds great! We are just coming out of winter here and the weather is meant to start getting better this week so I am keen to get out have some fun in the sun!

Have fun tomorrow!


ME- 31 W-25
T-5 M-3
D2
ILYBNILWY and moved out - FEB16
W seeing someone else - JUL16
Joined: Jul 2016
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CT1118 Offline OP
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Very good day of GAL today. Took s4 to the IC this morning. This was his first independent assessment. Some things noted, but otherwise told he was doing very well. Then went to meet friends for hike. Three dads, one mom, 4 sons, all kids 4 or 5 years old - 7.5 miles and they all held up. Followed with some lunch.

Took s4 to his mom's townhouse this evening - first day of Kindergarten tomorrow. Monday night is usually not her night, but she wanted him tonight and I get that. I will meet them both at school in the morning to get some pictures in of my big boy heading into his class. Pretty excited!

Having spent 4 of the last 5 days in a row with him, feeling some withdraws from his funny little self already - will not have him again until Thursday. I got a bunch of work to do for school though, so will make best use of my time.


"There is no more important fight than the one for ourselves. Keep on winning." Ginger1, Read her newbies.
BD: Feb '16
D: Mar '17
Piecing: Putting the self back together was my piecing.
S6


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Hey CT, hope you're hanging tough.


Me: 50, MLC/WW 45
Young kids
Nov 2015: BD1
Apr 2016: BD2
Jan 2017: W filed
Feb 2017: D final
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CT1118 Offline OP
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ForGump - Late to the party, been very busy, but Indeed I am.

Have had my son tonight. Fantastic. Saw my favorite band last night, was excellent. Saw them with spouse, she asked, she paid. Night went really well. But I am not reading into it. I see it as a sign of only moving things forward by 1 yard at best, remaining equal at nominal, not really sure how things could get worse so that one is open. I could easily loose two yards tomorrow. And my son was at her place last night w/ a babysitter.

So this morning she opened w/ some spew - she called me, spew was not at me for me, but at how difficult son is to handle, her money, the cost of groceries, etc. Just listened. "What a horrible follow up to a great evening", I thought. She asked if I could get son 3 hours prior to what we agreed upon. I am well past any DB stuff pertaining to my son and saying I have plans, now I will not offer to take him early, I have never been asked, but after what she said and how she sounded - yeah, you want him out I got him - for him and me. So she is collapsing and for many other reasons that that brief example. I am not happy to say that, but during last night before the concert, she did say "I need to make this better, I need to get better" which was positive, and I was proud of myself that I did not finish that sentence for her, just looked, listened, and nodded. In the event the above is positive, there is still a long way to go as I feel really good on my own being me.

Anyway, this morning was all about me - studied, paid bills, played guitar, got coffee, cleaned apartment, rode skateboard, picked up son at 2pm. To quote Mike Muir "bring me down?...you can't bring me down" Banner day my friend(s).


"There is no more important fight than the one for ourselves. Keep on winning." Ginger1, Read her newbies.
BD: Feb '16
D: Mar '17
Piecing: Putting the self back together was my piecing.
S6


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Good stuff CT, sounds like your W might be waking up!

Keep up the good work. Fight for self brother.


ME- 31 W-25
T-5 M-3
D2
ILYBNILWY and moved out - FEB16
W seeing someone else - JUL16
Joined: Jul 2016
Posts: 604
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CT1118 Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: albac
Fight for self brother.


Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!


"There is no more important fight than the one for ourselves. Keep on winning." Ginger1, Read her newbies.
BD: Feb '16
D: Mar '17
Piecing: Putting the self back together was my piecing.
S6


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