When she orders me around at her whim like a preschooler, how would you suggest I respond? Not flaming, legitimately asking. This is something she did when she was at her disrespectful worst while she'd leave S and I every evening and most weekends before she left.
I see what you mean about wishing her well about surgery.
Me: 35 W: 32 S: 4 T: 6 M: 4 Physical Separation official: 5/21 Currently: DR/DBing, Focusing on me and son
Cheating on a good person is like throwing away a diamond and picking up a rock.
When she orders me around at her whim like a preschooler, how would you suggest I respond? Not flaming, legitimately asking. This is something she did when she was at her disrespectful worst while she'd leave S and I every evening and most weekends before she left.
I see what you mean about wishing her well about surgery.
With my angry WAW ordering me around like a preschooler, I started to see her as a child throwing a tantrum. What do you do with a child throwing a tantrum you may ask? You ignore it. Bid her good day and let her know you can talk when she is in a better place to do so.
For me, it stopped the tantrums. Now she only talks to me as it relates to details for my child. Nothing more. Nothing less.
The key is to stay within yourself. Keep emotions in check. Keep your buttons out of reach And keep moving forward. It takes practice and some slip ups. It does become easier as you focus on your efforts for healthy emotional detachment.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
Going home instead of continuing to wait at the church was a great response.
Being so mad about the situation that you were yelling (whether to yourself or her) ? Telling her she needs to communicate better? Complaining that 6:15 is too late to be out? Attributing a sassy tone to her texting you"OK"?
Those are the parts that seem out of proportion to the event.
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
RSG, you can do this buddy, but I think you need to reset a little. I completely understand the anger, and how the smallest of things can set you off. You will get past it, if I managed to get past it, you will too.. I just hope it doesn't have to get as bad for you as it did for me before I really understood I needed to forgive, which alleviated the anger.
Anyway, you did the right thing, you told her that if she couldn't be where you agreed at the time you agreed upon, then she could bring him to the house. That was perfect.
She text you and let you know she would be late, I remember when you used to get upset because she would be late dropping him off at the house and wouldn't tell you, and if I remember correctly, I think you said I just wish she would let me know. now she is letting you know.
Set a boundary, if this is something you really need to fix for your sanity, let her know that you expect her to drop him off when she says she will, and if she is not there by that time she will need to bring him by the house because you will not be waiting.... Personally, I think this is overkill, I don't think a few minutes here are there are that big of a deal, but if it is affecting you, then it is necessary. You come first. The other alternative, you could always bring the DR book and read it again while your waiting for her, make the time useful for yourself.
Anyway, I know that the anger can take over, it doesn't need to make sense to anyone because when it happens it is real to you, but it will pass, you've done well at recognizing it and handling it well.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
Welp. Trailer trash's wife contacted me. They're living together, and have been for months. Everything in me says divorce, and I will fight for custody. She's drunk, never sees him, has no money for a lawyer. And I have kept a journal, his wife can testify to their rampant drunkenness, I can subpoena text messages.
I'm so disappointed in who she has become. It's disgusting.
I'm angry, but I'm more at peace knowing things than having to guess.
Me: 35 W: 32 S: 4 T: 6 M: 4 Physical Separation official: 5/21 Currently: DR/DBing, Focusing on me and son
Cheating on a good person is like throwing away a diamond and picking up a rock.
Sorry to hear this RSG It's weird how you have a "calm feeling" when you finally know the truth. Doesn't make it easy. I've been there before. You keep on being the best RSG and dad you can be. Focus within and remember you can control her or make her stop. You have control over you and only you Now is when you cut all communication. Absolute possible minimum about son and that is it I would also recommend contacting an attorney as soon as possible
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
RSG, did you know OM was M? I don't remember that...
Anyway, that is not a R that is going to last, but knowing for sure may help you really drop the rope. im sure it was devastating to find out, it's ok to feel the sadness, but try not to let the anger take over, and DO NOT confront him, he is not worth your time, and you don't want to get yourself in trouble.
See a lawyer, find out your options, but don't file out of anger, you may need to to find out what is best for son, but if it doesn't matter, let the anger die down before making a decision.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
The advice above is solid. Let the news soak in and get through the anger. Don't make any decisions until you're back to neutral. This is the time to focus on your S and you and work on that cooking. The goal should be to clear your head.
We are here for you brother. Vent here. Let the anger out here. Nothing productive will come from reacting right now. Hang in there and you'll get through this as well as you have the other stuff up until now.
Me39 M11 : T13 D9 BD 5/31/16 In House S until 6/21/17 Divorced 10/5/18
Well, it's been a pretty crummy day. I called her a slut about 100 times today for rolling around in the dumpster. It felt really good honestly. I asked my Dad for the recommendation he got from his secretary for a divorce attorney. I need to schedule an appointment, and will contact him tonight. I'm not sure when I can take time off, because I've done so much lately. You know, since I'm the only parent I've been doing all the appointments and I have the other one Monday.
I didn't know he was M. He has a 9 year old child he barely sees, who wants little to do with him. Apparently she has kidney problems And, a picture truly DOES say a million words. I saw a good up close picture on his W Facebook page. Fat, ugly, dopey looking, looks old but is early 30's, and no money. Neither one of them have money to file for divorce lol.
Coconut, I'd like to go to their apartment and whoop his fat ass. He's a big fat doofus covered in tattoos. Now I know where the sudden itch for new ones came from, and the stupid hair colors.
But, it's the lies more than anything. The more I talk to his W, the more the lies come out. Everything in 2016 has been a lie. He has been open to his W about it, while she has hidden everything from me. Now it's been exposed and she is SCARED about her reputation getting out.
I really know, now more than ever, that I can live without her and don't need her. I've lost all my respect for her, she's pretty much at rock bottom for me. I looked at her today at dropoff and just felt disgust. Could I EVER kiss her again?! Putting my mouth where raw sewage was???
Today was 9+ months of anger, fear, frustration, tears, lost hopes, dashed dreams and hell rolled into one and I let her have it. But, CBT, I'm on silence starting tomorrow.
Oh, and she's not going to therapy anymore....and it was worthless anyway. "I learned in therapy I don't have to explain my feelings." Lol, she saw a hedonist of course. Just an echo chamber for being an adulterer. Probably my favorite thing I said was "Do you really sweat when you go to church?" I laughed at my own joke at my desk lol...
Me: 35 W: 32 S: 4 T: 6 M: 4 Physical Separation official: 5/21 Currently: DR/DBing, Focusing on me and son
Cheating on a good person is like throwing away a diamond and picking up a rock.
