My Wife Walked Out 6

[albac]

RSG, this is where it gets super confusing.

I was doing the same thing and my W is now a lot more comfortable around me and all our interactions are great we speak as if nothing has even happened. She will happily sit at my house for 3 hours and we just talk no awkwardness and no silence. And it feels good she tells me things she doesn't tell her best friends like I am her most trusted person to talk to.

And here is the point, you are trying to get to a place where you are more comfortable around each other but now I have achieved this it's like all over again I question what to do next. There is no real way to tell the difference between them opening up and being comfortable and them thinking they have put you in there friend zone. So every time things start to feel good and I remind myself there is still OM I get lost again.

Maybe as a part of your plan you have other ideas on this but I just end up lost. I really think like Sandi has said you can't nice them back. Just my thoughts at the moment.

[RSG]

I hate that you feel like you're spinning your wheels, but thanks for sharing that. I kind of felt that way on my birthday. She stayed over most of the afternoon, and it felt good and normal. This was July 9th. Then I asked a hypothetical question about moving back home, honestly thinking she'd dismiss it. Instead, she felt hounded and said "I'm probably never coming" home. Things devolved into a terrible argument and my birthday was pretty much ruined.

I say that to say: Things have changed so much since then. It's like we started over, but from a place where "friends" was never an option. But that's how I feel on my end, so it's definitely something I need to look out for. Because being a friend is DEF not an option for me.

[CT1118]

Not friends is correct. I can be friendly and not be friends. Friend zone gets questions about what to do when in a relationship, or why do guys...blag, blah, blah. Friend zone listens to problems and then tries to relate by association.

So proud of your efforts RSG. I realize the fat lady hasn't sung yet, but truly, moving it along my man.

[RSG]

Thanks CT, always appreciate that.
Maybe I was too hard on myself about yesterday. I DID talk too much, but there were still positives. She told me, without asking, where she went to get a new tire and how much it cost. Also, she told me where she was going after dropoff (Spartan "training").

Today, she sent me a few texts this AM asking if I'd be ok keeping little guy tomorrow if she has any side effects from the procedure tomorrow at the Dr. I was really busy, but when I got to answering I said sure no problem. She was very apologetic and seemed genuine in thanking me. I told her I hope everything goes smoothly, she said I'm sure it will. I said good, hope you have a great rest of the day. She said you too. And I left it at that.

As I was thinking about Albac's post, I was thinking about how much things have changed since she (literally) ran away from home 3mos ago.

My changes: Fully accepting the situation. Choosing to see a therapist. Putting my son #1. Finding new hobbies. Realizing I can't make her change, either in my ways or at my speed. Focusing on the day to day. Learning how to effectively communicate. Recognizing that I need to figure out what makes me happy. While I love my W enough to reconcile, I can live life w/o her and be happy. My anger has gone down greatly. Feeling my emotions, but not letting them consume me or set me back. Celebrating the baby steps, and continue to do what works.

She has also made positive changes, but it's hard to judge HOW MANY while being such a small part of her life: Talking to me more respectfully. Recognizing that I feel intruded upon w/a multitude of calls/texts about minor issues. Seeing a therapist. Recognizing I'm not the reason she is unhappy. (Based on books checked out via MY library card lol!) She mentioned she's trying to learn patience? I can sense seeds have been planted....

Status: As of 2 weeks ago. "No, I don't want to divorce."

We're both at better places than 3 months ago. Will this continue? Who knows. But, as of now, things look a lot better for me, her and us than they did....

[Ginger1]

Quick question,

Not quite clear on this one..... is there OM in the picture?

[RSG]

Yes. I'm not sure to what extent really, but yes.

[RSG]

Well, got a call from the W around 3. She went to the Dr today and had a piece of her uterine cyst taken off. She needs surgery in a couple weeks. She was told that if they didn't get it off ASAP, it could become cancerous. I told her I was glad to hear everything was ok, and to get as much rest as she could. She cut the conversation short because she was picking up S, and said she was being rude by being on the phone while there. I think she was about to cry, but it was hard to tell really. I haven't said anything else, I don't want to be that ahole who dwells on something so scary.

Not feeling good. I wanted nothing more on my way home than to open the door, hug my W and son, tell her I love her and that it's going to be ok, and have a good cry together. Instead I'm sitting at home alone holding back tears. Everything seems so stupid and petty when you put in perspective like this.

I can push through this, and be strong. I'm a little worried, but she doesn't need to see or hear that. I'm here if she needs me, and I'll always be there for my son.

[lt0402]

I know how you feel RSG. Keep doing what you're doing though. Right now it's her battle to fight through on her own. Be open to validating if she wants to give you more but right now resist the temptation to reach out.

I know you know all this. Just letting you know you're doing the right thing brother!

As a side note, you e inspired me to try my hand at cooking. Making some pasta and then making red potatoes with olive oil, salt, pepper, and Parmesan. Not very hard, but slowly working my way to more complicated stuff! Complete novice in the kitchen. Will let you know if I burn the house down!

[RSG]

I wanted to reach out numerous times tonight, but fought those urges. I'm going to see her tomorrow when I pick up S, so I'll see how she's doing.

Good for you for cooking! Doesn't have to be difficult, just have fun with it. The more you practice, the better you'll get and the more you'll enjoy putting something together.

[hawker]

When are you guys making me dinner?