Thank you Mach! To be frank, at first it was to see my progress and where things stand. However, since you had me think about it more it could ALSO be to put another drop in her love tank. That means I'd have to be more selective about WHEN I'd do it (ie at an appropriate time rather than just finding an opening).
Coconut and Doodler. YOU ARE EVIL. I may be short and thin, but as a wise man once put it.....I Like Big Butts and I cannot lie!
Had a great session with my therapist. She hears the progress I've seen and thinks keeping it slow is very smart at this time. She also agrees with slowly but surely integrating soft, platonic, quick touching. She did say one thing I need to do is to continue to work on direct communication. It doesn't show interest or chasing to ask, in a non-threatening or accusatory way, why she didn't come to the Dr for example.
Also, she noted that as communication continues to soften I could branch out and throw out an open ended question in which she can reveal more about herself. One challenge she had for me was, as this continues SHE will begin to ask questions about me. Shutting them down won't really continue our progress, so try to think of how much you're willing to share and WHAT you're willing to share.
She asked about my cooking, and was very pleased to see I continue to do things that make me happy and trying new things.
She stressed patience, which I noted I'm working really hard on. Continue to celebrate the baby steps, keep doing what works, and keep doing the things that make you happy.
Really good to hear, especially on such a stressful day. Rushing all day. from 6AM to 6PM I felt like I was in a rush. Every part of my life is a rush. Except one lol.
Me: 35 W: 32 S: 4 T: 6 M: 4 Physical Separation official: 5/21 Currently: DR/DBing, Focusing on me and son
Cheating on a good person is like throwing away a diamond and picking up a rock.
Dmnit... I thought I had the last post on your other thread, but it re-opened... MAch1 is fast!
RSG, one thing I never was able to reconcile on the boards... women love attention (men do too I suppose). I have mixed in for a while now some very easy attention - physical and emotional. My idea has been to apply when it feels right, not when I want. Hey, not passing on whether that was you or not, just saying when I moved. Hand on lower back, touch of the arm,, even going for hair stroke when I felt it. Did it move me closer? WTF knows. I know it did not get me further back b/c I would have adjusted.
But...if I was faced w/ Mach1's questions...my answer at this point of me would be that I do it for us. I do it for the real her, and, I do it for the real me. I do it for those two confused people who both have no idea wtf is happening. I do it b/c I am out and she is in, but we are both still looking at each other through bars.
Difference is, I get to walk away. I get to choose what I eat. I get to pick my life. I get to say "good luck" and leave. All if I choose. But, for now, my hand is on the glass, wondering it the primate on the other side will respond in kind. And if not today, I will visit briefly tomorrow...
"There is no more important fight than the one for ourselves. Keep on winning." Ginger1, Read her newbies. BD: Feb '16 D: Mar '17 Piecing: Putting the self back together was my piecing. S6
I remember shortly after she left, she was over to pick up S in the AM and while we were looking for snacks I put my hands on her waist as a way to indicate if she moved, I could find something. Things were so different then, I think she LET me do that. Now, I feel like touching is something we both have to become comfortable with again.
I feel like our communication has brought us to a point where we can start getting slightly more personal. I've noticed some changes in the way she speaks, and if I do I'm more than sure she recognizes those in me because I started working on things long before she did.
I worry about showing my W too much too soon, I think that's why I want to be so slow about everything. I can feel a little positive movement towards me, and I don't want to scare her off.
If I read you correctly, it kind of sounds like you're trying to wake up your wife and expel the alien currently infesting her body. And when it doesn't work, you move on and keep chugging along with life....
Me: 35 W: 32 S: 4 T: 6 M: 4 Physical Separation official: 5/21 Currently: DR/DBing, Focusing on me and son
Cheating on a good person is like throwing away a diamond and picking up a rock.
RSG - I put my hands on her when I want to, because at those moments I trust she wants me to. By she I mean the prisoner, by me I mean the visitor. I think you get that.
Somewhere inside us both, by both I mean me and my girl, you and your girl, all of us and all of our girls, and those girls here and their guys, not the LBS here and all the WW out there, rather the disrupted lovers out there, those who will not have to come here and those who will. Somewhere inside, somewhere, are still two lovers who cannot let go, who will not let go. It is primal, it is animal, and it is instinct. If I loose that, I am done.
I do believe I am best served on the MLC board, which is where I have moved my sitch. BUT...... for all I have read there, what I have not lost, a woman is still a woman, a man is still a man; pain remains pain, and hope once forgotten is not easily regained. I am detached. I am not without hope. I am not without gender - neither is who will always be my girl. I will succeed for me, whatever that looks like, and so will all of us if we know the above to be true.
You have come so far RSG, I do salute. Move at your pace and when this is done, invite me to have a drink w/ you and your W. Then confidently ask her to excuse herself so we can laugh and remember, and when that day comes, whether I am w/ my W or not, you will be correct, I shall be chugging along w/ my life.
"There is no more important fight than the one for ourselves. Keep on winning." Ginger1, Read her newbies. BD: Feb '16 D: Mar '17 Piecing: Putting the self back together was my piecing. S6
I'm shooting from the hip here, but I would consider what you hope to gain from physical touching of your WW right now. Slight touch is generally discussed as a way to rebuild intamicy between too people committed to the MR without rushing it.
If she responds positively to your touch then what? If she doesn't break it off with OM, do you then become OM yourself? I think men could be coerced back through physical intamicy, but I don't see a light touch winning over a woman, I think they need to be emotionally stimulated for PT to mean anything. And Sandi2 always says a WW can only be emotionally attached to one man at a time.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
Thank you Mach! To be frank, at first it was to see my progress and where things stand. However, since you had me think about it more it could ALSO be to put another drop in her love tank. That means I'd have to be more selective about WHEN I'd do it (ie at an appropriate time rather than just finding an opening).
Hey Frank...
How about, if you find yourself in a situation, where it feels natural..?
That planning thing sounds kinda creepy...
You weren't tryin to cop-a-feel on your first date at Chuck-E-Cheese were you ???
Originally Posted By: CT
But...if I was faced w/ Mach1's questions...my answer at this point of me would be that I do it for us. I do it for the real her, and, I do it for the real me. I do it for those two confused people who both have no idea wtf is happening. I do it b/c I am out and she is in, but we are both still looking at each other through bars.
Define.....us
Who is "us" right now CT...
What does "us" look like
I'm not saying that either of you is wrong or right with this...
I just really want you to understand what you are doing with this...
To me, it reads like it is a trick, or a ploy to lead them back to you. Like trying to bait a rabbit into a trap.
If she responds positively to your touch then what? If she doesn't break it off with OM, do you then become OM yourself? I think men could be coerced back through physical intamicy, but I don't see a light touch winning over a woman, I think they need to be emotionally stimulated for PT to mean anything. And Sandi2 always says a WW can only be emotionally attached to one man at a time.
Ayup ^^^
Men tend to use Physical Touch to build the emotional intimacy...
Women tend to use emotional intimacy, to want physical touch...
Mach, you're right. That was poorly worded lol. Do it when it's natural is def what I was looking for.
Well, slight setback today. Took my therapist's advice and asked an open ended question. She did open up a little more, but the problem is I responded too often. It's true that there were more things going on than usual today. S had his audiologist appointment, and he passed easily. I faxed the paperwork to the city, and ASAP the little guy will have an appt w/their therapist. Also, later in the day W ran over something, got a flat tire and had to buy a used one prior to dropping off S.
Still, I felt like I just chatted too much. No big deal. Learn, change and keep moving. One so so day isn't going to ruin anything. Just because the campaign started with a slog through the mud doesn't mean the battle is lost.
Cnut, I certainly wasn't thinking that far ahead. What I was hoping to accomplish was to continue creating an atmosphere where we both begin to become more comfortable with one another again. Perhaps I should stick to verbal communication, but I think if something were to happen organically it could help things.
Me: 35 W: 32 S: 4 T: 6 M: 4 Physical Separation official: 5/21 Currently: DR/DBing, Focusing on me and son
Cheating on a good person is like throwing away a diamond and picking up a rock.
