First off, sorry to hear about your pup. I hope it's doing better..
Secondly....remember that 2X4 thing ?
Originally Posted By: GR8TDAD
She asked how the dog was when she got home just now. Told her i didnt hear her and didnt care.
Probably the wrong reaction but I am just so angry today.
This to me, is controlling, and manipulative. It also doesn't play well into what you are trying to do....
It is a purely emotional REACTION, rather than a response....
Your goal (your words), is that you want to do better.
To do better, you need to BE better, in all aspects.
The "but" in your above statement meant that you knew better, yet still CHOSE to react with more of the same 'ol Great....
In that one sentence, you CHOSE to show her that you aren't working to change, and that you aren't willing to do anything differently than you have in the past...
I agree that this situation is sad. Every single one on this board is sad.
But I caution you about your opinion of it being "unnecessary". From where you sit, of course, thats your opinion. I think my sitch was unnecessary. I imagine every poster here believes that their sitch wasnt necessary. But in the eyes of our spouses or ex-spouses, it's the only way they can see things moving. So to them it is totally necessary.
How can you work to better empathize and understand her needs?
I am having a very hard time with this. The dog situation was the icing on the cake yesterday. Her stuff is all getting loaded up into the garage for moving. She had the audacity to leave "intimacy toys" she had recently purchased for us to use together, on my side of the bed as if I wanted them...those got chucked right back into her room.
I looked at old texts from a few days before this all started happening and it was just lies lies lies. I feel extreme anger towards her and I don't know how to quell it.
She is leaving for trivial reasons. Things that could easily be worked on. She is breaking up our family to appease her own convoluted fantasy needs. It is hard to not be angry and I am not great at hiding it by any means.
I told her that I didn't care to speak with her unless it was regarding business (kids, money). I don't want to make small talk. This morning I just told her I didn't know how Corky was doing (dog) and that she was getting more tests done. I am terrified that my dog got nicotine poisoning from the W being irresponsible with ecig juice while she was packing yesterday.
I don't know if my dog made it through the night or not. I will find out soon when the vet calls.
I looked at old texts from a few days before this all started happening and it was just lies lies lies. I feel extreme anger towards her and I don't know how to quell it.
She is leaving for trivial reasons. Things that could easily be worked on. She is breaking up our family to appease her own convoluted fantasy needs. It is hard to not be angry and I am not great at hiding it by any means.
Welcome to the anger phase ???
According to YOU, her reasons are trivial...
According to YOU...things could be easily worked out.
Wait, worked out using YOUR fix ?
Or HER fix for the problems ??
Thing is...she IS working things out.
Her way, her time, her pace...
She has feel comfortable inside of her own skin in order to be in any relationship.
Thing is...YOU have to be comfortable inside of YOUR skin to be in any relationship....
Do you really think that EITHER of you are ready for that right here, right now ???
You have things to work on (by your own admission)....
So work on them, and you. Be so busy working on them that anything that she does is secondary...
Did I mention that all WA's lie ????
Oh yeah....that's all part of that " don't believe what you hear" thing....
Originally Posted By: Great
I told her that I didn't care to speak with her unless it was regarding business (kids, money). I don't want to make small talk. This morning I just told her I didn't know how Corky was doing (dog) and that she was getting more tests done. I am terrified that my dog got nicotine poisoning from the W being irresponsible with ecig juice while she was packing yesterday.
I don't know if my dog made it through the night or not. I will find out soon when the vet calls.
Ohhh the anger phase. Lovely. I will try to work on focusing on myself. Thank you for the reminder.
I worry that she will never be ok with herself. Not that it is really any of my concern at this point, but her pattern of destruction is undeniable. So much trauma from her past that she doesn't seem to be able to let go of, or at least work through in order to be stable.
Her father was very much like this...he married 7 times and hurt a lot of people over the years. But unfortunately, I also see a lot of her mother in her at this point...which is a very scary thing.
I worry that she will never be ok with herself. Not that it is really any of my concern at this point, but her pattern of destruction is undeniable. So much trauma from her past that she doesn't seem to be able to let go of, or at least work through in order to be stable.
Worry, is okay...
Dwell ? Isn't okay...
So if I were to ask you, if you really WANTED to be, or thought that being in a relationship, was the BEST thing for her right now...
What would you say ???
We often times, hurt the ones we love the most....the most...
I think staying in the relationship and working together as a team to solve these issues would be best. But alas, I think more clearly for a few moments and I do see her needing to "find herself".
However, I then come to the realization that she probably isn't going to find herself, but rather distract herself with a new relationship, work, social stuff.
I need to find my happy place in my mind for today.
