Maybs - Pt3

[doodler]

W keeps contacting me about unimportant things or to ask me questions that are absolutely ridiculous and things that she could easily figure out on her own if she tried. She's a smart person but right now she's acting kind of dumb. Is it just to give her reasons to contact me? IDK. I know I can't mind read to figure out why she's doing but that really seems like the only semi-logical reason I can come up with.

maybs,

I can mind read; it nearly drove me insane. I started wearing an aluminum foil hat and that helped immensely. I'm much calmer now.

You may have latent or subconscious mind reading ability. I'd highly recommend wearing a foil hat for a few days. You may find that life is much more pleasant when you wear the hat, and it also blocks alien subspace mind-control signals so there's an added benefit.

[maybs]

Haha doodler when I get home I will make my very own foil hat.

The asking me about dumb things has really just become more of a nuisance. It's at all hours of the day and night and literally is about common sense things that I know W could figure out.

[MoveFrwd]

Haha doodler when I get home I will make my very own foil hat.

The asking me about dumb things has really just become more of a nuisance. It's at all hours of the day and night and literally is about common sense things that I know W could figure out.

Id recommend waiting to reply only at certain times of the day. Maybe before work and after work.

The rest of the time, youre busy GAL!

[maybs]

Thanks darkness. That's what I have been trying to do. Unless it is truly something she needs to know after work hours. I try to keep communication limited and strictly about "business" I don't get into personal with her even when she brings it up.

[maybs]

just journaling -

I have been having a rough week emotionally. It took me a while to figure out what was really bugging me.

It's mostly the fact that so we didn't talk for a few weeks and then my W started contacting me again a few weeks ago. From then up until last weekend I felt like something was really changing for us. We were getting along better in general and when we did have disagreements she was willing to talk about it and work it out with me. She was getting more and more interested in my life. And I managed to remain pretty detached through everything so as to not seem too eager.

But last weekend with that fight between her and our friend I feel like everything has gone back to how it was in the beginning. Yeah, she still talks to me but she doesn't seem interested in my life any longer.

I don't know I know that everyone says they will come closer and pull away over and over again but I just really wasn't ready for her to pull away again.

Now that I've figured out WHY I was upset I am coping much better.

Went for a walk/run earlier to clear my head and get my emotions back in check and I'm feeling better and more positive.

I'm going to try to keep up my GAL and my 180s and I'm going to be better about being dim/dark and only responding during a certain time period unless it is an actual emergency.

I am meeting a new friend tomorrow after work to hang out for the first time and on Tuesday BIL is staying at my house before leaving for a 5 day bike trip and I think SIL and nieces are coming to have dinner with us. I'm excited to see everyone and get to spend a little time with my nieces even if it just is over dinner.

[maybs]

I should note that by "something was changing for us" I meant something is changing in the way my W thinks about me. I know her better than anyone and I can tell when something is going on with her and there's for sure been something going on with her in regards to our relationship. I just don't know what.

[hawker]

Sorry you had a bad week! I think all of our emotions go in waves, I know for me they do. Lately I have been fine most of the time but there are times when I see something or remember something that triggers me back to my W and makes me sad. Your W seems conflictive that's probably why she is close and then pulls away. Hope you have fun with the in laws!

[cheesyt]

hawker is right. our emotions and feelings are like waves. sometimes we can ride them, others they submerge us and throw us for a spin and we drown.
we're here for you!

[maybs]

Yeah, I just can't help but feeling that I'm suddenly doing everything wrong.

Like it seemed like it was working and we moved forward a little and then all the sudden we lost all the ground we gained and now it's like the beginning all over again.

It just makes me feel like I'm messing something up. I know in the beginning I seriously avoided contact with her and I think that did peak her interest... maybe I just need to go back to that? I don't know.

I seriously feel like 98% of the time I don't have a clue. I KNOW beyond a doubt something was happening in her head about us I just don't know what...I wish she could just get her life together and figure it out and come out of this fog and if she still wanted the D fine but I seriously feel like she's going to wake up one day and have like a "wtf did I do" moment and then never tell me because she's so stubborn and hates admitting when she's wrong and made a mistake.

So frustrating

[maybs]

So I have a question and would appreciate some advice on this matter from anyone with an opinion basically.

I am getting conflicting advice for dealing with my WW. On the one hand I know what DB says to do with the whole 180 and GAL and detach and distance and everything.

On the other hand I have people close to me and my IC encouraging me to write this letter (which I have already written for therapeutic purposes) but to also give W the letter. Basically the letter outlines some of the mistakes that I made in our marriage and apologizes for those things and explains some of the things that I contributed to the marriage that negatively impacted our relationship and my W and how I have been working to address them. And then it also says something along the lines of "I wish we could reconcile but I respect that that is not something you are interested in and if this divorce is truly what you wish I will not fight you on it."

My IC and others think it's important for me to let her know that I would be willing to R given the whole crying thing she was doing last week and the way some of the things I have said might have sounded to her...

I just don't know which way to go on this one. I feel like I can see benefits of either and negatives of either. I would hate to leave her feeling like I'm okay with all of this and don't want to R but maybe that's what she needs to feel???

I just don't know. I feel so conflicted and confused about what to do...

HELP