honey i think there would be something odd if you *didn't* feel that way, given the circumstances. this is the place to get it out so it doesn't fester in your head, right?
I worry about you Lou ... 7.2 - I've not heard of a dr other than my husband's incompetent one who didn't treat as soon as the number topped 4. I don't want to alarm you, but I do want to voice this as something that I'm familiar with. If you are open to it, I suggest researching the benefits of drinking chug mushroom tea. It may help with the aches and pains and it may also help rejuvenate your system and reduce the TSH #... just a suggestion love. xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
You need to fight for a trial of thyroid hormone. If you truly don't need it you won't feel better, but if you do? Life changing!
Look up a website called stop the thyroid madness , or read Mary Shomon's thyroid blog on about dot com. Once you educate yourself about thyroid problems you will probably realize that you have lots of symptoms. Don't ignore this, your health can be vastly improved by treating thyroid deficiency.
Please seek the opinion of another doctor. If you aren't feeling well, then something needs to be done now...not wait until 2017. Stress plays a major role in some of these conditions and the work you are doing isn't helping at the moment. Please, please listen to us...get another doctor...don't put this off.
You are a very wise woman and realize that it's not going to be a bed of roses when your h comes to live w/you. There are are going to be ups and downs and both of you will need to remember that both of you have changed which means the relationship will be different. You will need to dig deeper for patience and keep those expectations of what you think he should be doing and acting (like the old h). It's going to be a brand new relationship and if you both can weather the storm for a bit longer you may very well have a far better relationship than you had before.
Please take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I too think it would be odd if you didn't have reservations and concerns. I think it is very smart to keep that radar up, listen to your gut and keep a plan B.
I would think, until you are actually spending day after day together, that is when your concerns will either be valid, or start fading, and turn into faith and comfort that it's working out. It seems it would take some time, another snail pace situation. I have not lived it, but based on everything we have learned so far on this ride, seems to be the way it will be?
Please listen to the others about your health. I hope you are feeling better soon.
I don't feel, at all, that you are being ungrateful of your position with H compared to ours. We are all here to root for each other and learn. The way you feel seems absolutely normal, not ungrateful. Please keep us updated and take care of yourself.
Love and ((hugs)) M
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Yes Lou please look after your health. As Job is so fond of reminding us the only way you can take care of anyone else is if you put on your oxygen mask first. And dear, dear Lou gratitude is not a part of your DNA. Perhaps, like me, you tend to apologize for everything and to everyone. I am letting my actions speak loudly rather than spend energy on apologies that are usually not received or necessary.
All the planning and anticipation is bound to bring up worry or stress. Mleigh is so wise in advising you to be prepared, to be patient and deal accordingly with the situation once you are together day to day.
Personally I love to read your posts whether full of reconciliation success or tedious stress and strife. That is why we connected here - to support and encourage and to validate that you can't always rationalize the irrational when dealing with a midlife spouse in crisis.
Post anytime with the knowledge that this is a safe space filled with supportive friends. We want you to experience a life filled with all the things, and people, that allow you to be your best self.
Sending you strength and positivity and patience topped with heaping dose of love.
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
Thank you for joining my thread lovethehub and for the advice you have given. Its always good to hear perspective from the other side.
In my case, my h did not have an A, he left a few weeks after BD and within 6 weeks hooked up with someone else - technically it was not an A, but it still feels like that to me. She holds no weight and I do my best to move past the image of it, its harder some days than others, but I hope that as with everything else, it will fade and become a distant memory. The only real thing that I can't let go of and I need to try better with is the bitterness that he has this great career and earns good money and I am have been struggling along because my career was child rearing and homemaker until he left me - he feels I begrudge him being able to go off and do things, have things, because he has the finances to do it, that he has worked hard all these years to get to this point - I feel; what about me, what about the sacrifice I made so that he could have the career he has, why should I be penalized for a crappy decision he made a few years ago. I know that this will resolve itself eventually, at the moment its all new and we are trying not to "step on each others toes" or be over bearing, especially from h as he is aware of his controlling nature now.
So - the title of this post is going to be: "Who is the Crazy One Now ?!"
After a few weeks of unsuccessful house hunting I made a throwaway comment to h about either having to rob a bank to buy a place or buy a caravan ........Rob a bank was taken off the list, I don't think I would look very flattering with tights on my head but the caravan idea evolved as the conversation went on and after a couple of days of thinking about it we have decided to throw caution to the wind and pool our money (each putting in the same amount) and buy a caravan and go travelling for the summer (hopefully). We figure, why not, we have not got any commitments right now, grown kids, no home, no jobs (because I really want to leave mine soon) and we have a lot of "getting to know each other" to do. Where better than in a tin box with no escape ......ha ha ha ha ha.
H has now finished work, he hands back his rental on 19th and travels to me. The following week I will finish work and we would like to be starting our big adventure by mid Oct. S22 and his g/friend have invited us for Christmas so that gives us a direction to head off in. We hope to find work along the way which will help fund our trip (lots of casual opportunities in NZ, its backpacker world), but we have enough to last us for about 4 months if we are careful and dont find work. The dogs are quite chilled so will be happy pottering about with us. We plan to do a mix of freedom camping ( free no amenity camping on DOC land) and paid sites. H has sent me his spreadsheet of expenses and we both add to them as we think of things, he seems rather excited at the whole thing and I have to say, so am I. I get to travel a bit and see the country which I have lived in for 10yrs not not seen much of. We may even find a place we would like to settle in.
I will have finished my courses up to date and will defer the last one until next year when I can have reliable internet again.
Both s are really enthusiastic about it and quite envious of us. A summer off does sound glorious - just what my body and soul needs
I have to say that you and your h will have an interesting summer. I think it's great because you both will be in a new relationship, as well as new surroundings throughout your travels. I do hope that this trip will also help w/your health issues because there may be less stress.
Lou, I look forward to reading about your travel adventures in the months ahead and I wish you the best of luck along the way. Happy trails to you!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hi Lou, it sounds as though you have some interesting travel plans! I hope all goes well for you both and I look forward to hearing about some of your adventures.... xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Lou............ I have to admit, your plans have me worried. While I love the idea of a vacation, I'm worried because you have worked SO HARD to gain some financial stability in your life. Your husband makes good money but he's still in debt, correct? In fact, part of the problem when you split was that there wasn't any real savings because of his poor money management. Now it sounds like he's pulling you along on another bad financial decision.
When he makes so much more than you, why are you footing half the bill for this trip? How is he planning on paying his debts during this time? Do you have enough to travel for four months WITHOUT tapping into the money set aside for renting and furnishing a new place?
If, God forbid, you embark on this adventure and then realize that the new relationship isn't going to work, will you have enough savings to tide you over until you get a new job and place to live?
Sorry to throw cold water on your plans, but it just sounds like an old pattern of going along with his bad financial decisions. I'd hate to see you struggling again in a few months with no savings. And the exhaustion you feel from your untreated thyroid disease is not going to get better until you are treated!
Is there a way to take a trip without completely wrecking your finances? How about renting a caravan, instead of buying (so you don't risk getting stuck for a large repair bill) and going for just a month (instead of four) then getting serious about looking for work and a place to live (which might easily eat up your remaining savings by the time you find a place)?
but the caravan idea evolved as the conversation went on and after a couple of days of thinking about it we have decided to throw caution to the wind and pool our money (each putting in the same amount) and buy a caravan and go travelling for the summer (hopefully). We figure, why not, we have not got any commitments right now, grown kids, no home, no jobs (because I really want to leave mine soon) and we have a lot of "getting to know each other" to do. Where better than in a tin box with no escape ......ha ha ha ha ha. 