Have you asked her why she changed the agreement you guys made? Don't just let her do whatever she pleases. Stand up for yourself girl!
W:32 M:26 T:5 yrs M: 3 yr BD: JUN 2016 W Moved out: early JUL 2016 W Filed for D: mid JUL 2016 EA: 06/16? PA: 07/16 Moved in w/ ow: 07/16 D final: 10/16
wow. this guy gets more posts than us newbs who really are trying and struggling to follow some simple DB rules as well as keeping our heads above water. As always, mind blown, on the threads and in my own personal life....
WTF?!
-cheesyt.
It's actually a good point.
However not everyone is doing that, I for one refuse to say anymore on that thread.
Hey cheesy, I saw your post over on CLD's thread, so I thought I could offer you some support. I don't want to waste time there anymore, I think we are being catfished or something.
Anyways, I haven't read your whole sitch. I can tell you I was 27 at the time of bomb drop with a baby girl. I know 27 can be a rough age for all of this. I understand you not feeling "happy" or "content". I think you may be putting too much pressure on yourself to feel that way, because you don't want to feels so sad anymore, which makes much sense.
If you need some help getting out of that dark place, Ad's do help. Your GAL activities are pretty good and you are living your life. Continue with IC. You do eventually stop feeling so sad. A day will come when you find joy in things again.
Try to not give as much info to MIL, she seems to thrive off of this stuff. And you should always be moving forward. Moving forward does not mean dating. Moving forward means building your life and working on yourself. Detachment is not letting your W's emotions and actions dictate yours.
Often people feel as if they need to move onto the next R. That's moving on. It's not. Being ok with yourself and being ok being lonely even, is very healthy. It will either strengthen your future R or a new R with your W, whatever the path may be.
Live your life, walk your path, and those who see what a great guy you are, will join you on it:)
Thank you Ginger for stopping by. yes, someone once told me MIL is the messenger so to control the message. I am in no way shape or form ready to date so. I am definitely going to start moving forward as much as I can. For the past 6 years I have taken care of and put W and D first. It's Cheesyt's time to be first. I'm learning how to do that still but I'm open for it. You're right I am putting too much pressure on myself to enjoy and be happy.
Cadet thank you as well for taking the time to take a gander at my thread! I was so frustrated.
update / journaling. Wednesday, my day with D. As usual W texted asking what my plans were with D and what time I expected to be home as well as let her know when I pick her up from school. Still so curious to know WHY she needs that info. responded kept it short and sweet. not a big deal. Picked D up asked her where she'd like to go to dinner, she picked. We had an appetizer, did some homework. OW signed my D's planner. Every night a parent must sign that the kid did his/her homework say OW's initials on monday...I asked "oh who signed here" D shrugged and said "i dont know" (trying to save my feelings I suppose) I sais "ow eh?" D said "yeah mommy was in the shower and I had to go to bed" Didn't ask too many questions...as OW is NOT her parent, don't know why she signed. Or why D asked her to sign. Whatever, not D's fault. Played cards, then had our dinner. Walked next door for some frozen yogurt. Then headed home. I work for a company that makes clothing we get a credit each year to buy clothes. I had ordered some clothes for D and they were at the house. (had also placed an order in feb for W and myself, that finally arrived as it was this years winter clothing) I ran inside the house, needed scissors to open package so I ran upstairs to my surprise I catch a glimpse of someone out in the deck....OW. I asked W where the scissors were and walked over to the deck. Held out my hand said said "hi I'm cheesyt nice to meet you" OW held out her hand and said "hi, I'm OW nice to meet you to" I turned around and ran back downstairs. W almost slammed the door in my face to mbr. W did not want me to come in, I later found out why. W, D and myself head to D's room to have her try on the clothes. W makes comments about how many boxes, and what else I've got in the boxes. Had D try on gloves, W mentioned how she loved them and asked me if they were like "ours from last year" I said yes they're the new model. I Pointed out the differences. W lingered, asked what else was in the boxes again. I think she was waiting for me to pull out her winter coat...I kept it in it's box (that thing is going back!!!)W left, I cleaned out litter, put scissors back in mbr. Saw OW's clothes neatly folded on my bed. OW looks like a man and dresses like one (not that it matters i know just saying what I saw. COMPLETELY opposite of me. I can rock a dress and heels very nicely. Both my W and I are pretty feminine) OW's duffel bag was there, with some pills. yes I looked to verify and it did have OW's name on them. Walked over to the sink...my deodorant is still here. So is OW's. My toothbrush..yes it's there too in the little toothbrush holder with W's and OW's...weird. W's pillow is on my side of bed, new pillow on W's old side. (I have the matching pillow case that goes to the bed set lol) That is why W slammed the door shut and kept it shut earlier. Didn't want me to see but Idk why. Just curious, not that it bothers me. Wondering wth goes on in that head of hers. W didn't look good and confident as she did on grad day. At any rate, said my good byes to OW and W and ran out the door. Had D come outside with me to spend a few mins / say bye. I am proud to say today was the first time I leave my home and my family and did not cry on the drive to my little basement. Went over to a friends (we can call him FG) It was his birthday today. Dropped off some beer. FG invited me to go to a Gator bar on Saturday for football. Then FG said his friends are going to oktoberfest downtown as well & that we could play it by ear and head to that after the game. Going to be lots of fun because FG makes me laugh and I always have a great time with him. We have what I think is a great platonic friendship. (FG is aware I am married and all that jazz) That will be most of my day Saturday, sunday, nothing planned yet. Need to do some homework and study the later part of the day. Trying to meet MIL for breakfast, As I left something in her freezer and MIL wanted a jacket from my work so I ordered her one and would like to give it to her.
All in all...thoughts...I'm extremely disappointed in the money situation with W. I cannot believe this is the woman I married and trusted. I have officially lost ALL trust for her. Not just that but W does not care to communicate things about D with me (soccer game is just one of a million examples) The more I see her and the worse she looks (oh man this feels weird saying) the easier it is to over look her. does that make sense? I mean it's not like she didn't dress up and wear make up on grad day...i just didn't think she looked great, or like herself perhaps. W is most certainly a different person. Can't help but to wonder how long OW will be around, as W started talking to OM again. Not my problem though. OW and OM and W can knock themselves out...with my toothbrush (LOL!) mainly, Extremely disappointed in my W. I can't say meeting OW shook me up. I held my head high and was light and cheerful. No skin off my back. I know I'll have some more down days, I know I'm not detached or out of the woods. I am glad that slowly but surely I see how lost and wayward my w is. I hope and pray she finds her way, for her sake. quickly. But in the mean time I will move forward and put my best foot forward everyday.
Cheesyt, don't you dare scoop catsh!t while OW on the deck having cocktails or whatever the heck she was doing out there. Get your stuff out of there and stand up for yourself, girl! You're being so accommodating, when you should be living your life. I don't want to see you being all easygoing while they are sleeping together, like it's not a big deal. It is. Stand up for yourself and get all your stuff outta there! I mean if OW is even signing D's homework? Let W figure it out for herself without dragging you into all this. And in the meantime? Enjoy your life and have fun!
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Cheesyt, don't you dare scoop catsh!t while OW on the deck having cocktails or whatever the heck she was doing out there. Get your stuff out of there and stand up for yourself, girl! You're being so accommodating, when you should be living your life. I don't want to see you being all easygoing while they are sleeping together, like it's not a big deal. It is. Stand up for yourself and get all your stuff outta there! I mean if OW is even signing D's homework? Let W figure it out for herself without dragging you into all this. And in the meantime? Enjoy your life and have fun!
^^^^ what she said.
W:32 M:26 T:5 yrs M: 3 yr BD: JUN 2016 W Moved out: early JUL 2016 W Filed for D: mid JUL 2016 EA: 06/16? PA: 07/16 Moved in w/ ow: 07/16 D final: 10/16
Cheesy I didn't know you were friends with ForGump (FG) in real life!! :0)
Ha! I keep thinking how awesome it would be to have a DB meetup somewhere to get some beers and watch some football or something! If only the world were smaller!
Cheesyt, you hang in there. I apologize for being awol the past week or so, but everyone is right. You are a great person and have a lot to be proud of. Don't dwell on the OW stuff. It is what it is. I'm jealous of the great GAL activities you've got planned for the weekend! Keep focusing on you and you'll be good!
Me39 M11 : T13 D9 BD 5/31/16 In House S until 6/21/17 Divorced 10/5/18
coly, no I do not know ForGump. LOL i just decided to name my friend for this purpose FG. since he's friend, and he likes the gators. I think I have a FriendA roaming my thread. haha sorry for the confusion. Yes my W has affair-ed down...i guess we will never know WHY.
NYgal, I didn't think of scooping the cat poop. LOL when you put it THAT way I see the point. I saw it more as he's my cat, my responsibility. I'm there to do what I have to so I can get on my merry way. CheesyT will not scoop the poop! Yes, I have begun a list my stuff I need to take. I need to find a place to put my winter tires and my tools and stuff.
maybs, thanks for always seconding (is that a word lol) what nygal says. I usually just re read the post and think of you.
lt0402 - that would be awesome! we should make a DB retreat! lol lots of beer and football. we should set it up in VEGAS. (I actually thought you might live close by when you mentioned some resort you were taking your D9 to. I got all excited and then I realized there's like a thousand over the US) -thank you for your kind words as always
Cheesy, I think it makes a real statement if you remove every single thing that is yours, including the cat. If you can't keep the cat, see if W wants him and if not, the Humane Society. I'd take the cat but W is allergic! No more cool skiwear for W. She's on her own. She won't be skiing with her smokin' and I don't mean smokin' hot new gal. Get your tooth brush out of there. No, wait. Never, ever stick that thing in your mouth again. When you get your stuff out of there, just throw it in the trash -- her trash, so she sees you don't need it. Did I tell you about my friend who peed on her WH's toothbrush for months? He thought that yellow discoloration was some reaction to some meds he was taking!!!
Your W is one very confused WW and she needs to get her own cat poop together. GAL and enjoy it. Date, love your life. If she sees the new Cheesyt 2.0 she might just want her back.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
