WAW, bouts of anger still spewing, awaiting the D.

[roist]

There is no try. Do or not do.

[SH_]

There is no try. Do or not do.

Touché my friend, touché .

[Cherry]

Lovely SH. I had no idea that you were struggling so much with your own inner daemons. And I feel almost guilty for all the time and energy you've put into helping me. At the same time, I am eternally greatful, you give me homework to do which gets me thinking about what I need to do to help myself; and you reach out to comfort me so I know that I'm not alone.

You're a truly amazing guy. And I know you will get there, you have so much to offer.

[Cadet]

Cadet.
Always a pleasure when you drop by my pad here. I do know that you are correct in that each LBS must go through their cycle. And while many of the stages are of the same flavor. The intensity and pattern of the cycle will vary. I only hope that some level of respect is maintained when they are railing against the turmoil even if they cannot wrap their head around it.
Of late it just seems to me the intensity and frequency of disrespect had gone up. But I know that my time here in the neighborhood has been short all things relative, and so the full moon of insanity I am sure has risen many more times and the vets and long timers here have seen it all before.
I just have to do what I do as a parent with my children when they toss that tantrum.
Back away
Pay it no mind.
When the eyes of a sane person return, address it with them, hug it out and move forward.

Of course if it upsets you it is best to step away.
And yes we see LBS's that are indeed in their own crisis,
enough to make you wonder if it is not flipped around and they
in fact are the reasons that the WAS leaves.

I am a firm believer that one crisis kicks off the other spouses crisis.
I know I went through some very rough times after my unwanted
divorce.
Rooms spinning around and cholesterol shooting up to crazy high levels.
Stress and depression can turn you body upside down.
That is why we must take care of ourselves first!

[Mach1]

Thank you Mach1 for your comments, thoughts and advice.
It is nice to have someone that has gone through to the other side share.

You ask why I might feel withdrawing is my way.

This is a good question and one I debate with myself over frequently.
Some say I am introverted, but I have extroverted tendencies.
I feel more at peace and it requires less energy when I am alone and reading or engaged in activities of the mind.
I enjoy people, but typically I feel like an outsider. I prefer to listen and observe more than engage and participate.
Although I do get caught up over talking when a topic of interest may arise.
I am challenged in creating balance.
I over think and feel pressure to "perform" in the moment, where I feel more confident when I have time to process it all.
I mention in the previous post my childhood constant moving and that may be where I picked up bad rendancies.
I am aware of the challenge. I want to change it and seek out ways to do so.

So you have determined that we have met ?

I'm thinkin that we are pretty similar in that regard...downright scary similar in fact...

I recharge from the inside out, I NEED, not want, quiet time with myself.

Trouble is,at times, I also crave the "noise"...


Maybe look at validation ....( I know what worked for me)

What areas do you NEED validation, WANT validation, CRAVE validation...

HOW do you validate, and how do you feel validated


???

OPS.
Now that is something I will remember.
I appreciate the way you put it here.
I know coming in I was desperate to find a sitch that was like mine. Maybe because I could find answers that way. Maybe so I did not feel alone in my struggle. Or maybe, I wanted to just prove to myself I was not crazy and completely at fault.
I don't know that I have found any just like my sitch. I have found similarities. But not the exact same.
Your point about reading in and then matching it to me or my sitch does have meaning to me.
I backed off on reading some material, because I started to take general info and make it match me and my sitch. I wanted answers and it could find them, or as you say, I would start acting in a manner so it would match.
So, if I u destined you correctly, a good approach is to back up a little. Look inward and clarify things inside without the " taint" of so many other ideas and suggestions. This can help me pin down more " truth" and clarity of what it is I am up against from within. Then I can better win the battle inside by working on what I know to be true and accurate.
Now this make sense.

It's like an out of body experience...

Find the vision of who you are, and are working toward becoming, and let that guide you...

Being brutally honest with yourself will help you see past OPS. You will inventory what baggage is yours, and what isn't yours...

It will also help you detach from the other crazy in your life. Let her carry her own luggage, while you carry your own.....

Be honest with yourself about your goals, and HOW you are trying to achieve them...

And try NOT to borrow trouble from the future...

Especially if it isn't yours....

Alright, maybe I won't STFU when I see disrespect as there really is no place for this regardless. But I will speak up in a calm manner and step back from the tantrum u till the cooler heads can prevail.

You do what is right for you.

I will always fight for the integrity of these boards...

Because of what they did for me...

I've been here for almost 9 years. Not because I needed to be...

Because I don't feel that I can ever repay enough back to them...

Thank you Mach1 for the vote of confidence and support.

I do have an idea what the hero will do next in this story.
I have a why, and now I must take action.
I know the strongest hero stories typically have the hero that must conquer oneself, before facing the foe.
I know in my heart, that this I must do.
There are some good people counting on me.

Including yourself....please don't forget that...

"The first and best victory is to conquer self. To be conquered by self is, of all things, the most shameful and vile." ~Plato

Quote guy huh ?

How about.....

God gives you exactly the problems that you need, in order to fix yourself....


That work ?

[Mach1]

Batman is the hero of *my* story.

-PM

As he should be....

: )

[bigybiz]

SH:

Sorry to hear about your support network scattering. It is a shame. I know you are already looking at it as a way of assembling a new transition team. I know you are awesome and engaging people so it won't be long until a new circle is around you.

On my own personal journey I prayed that I could show compassion to others. People were put in my life recently for that reason. I practice listening, empathizing and offering support. It has meant as much for me as for them.

The isolation is killer, we know. Perhaps this is an opportunity to promote one of your second level of supporters to primary?

[Mach1]

SH...

I was just reading through the thread that Cadet has on MWD's page, on a large Social Media site....

Have you ever read anything there ?

I would say that you would get quite a bit out of it...

Some good info there.

Oh...you like lines ?

Read between them...

[PsySara]

I am so glad to see you posting in your thread. You are an amazing and compassionate man. I wish your W could see your worth but it really is her loss, not yours. You are going to win no matter what because you are making a better you. I wish I had the magic words to help you past this rut but sometimes we just have to go through stuff to get through it.

[SH_]

Good evening.
I return to give thanks to each of you that have dropped by my pad.

Cherry,
Please do not feel guilty for anything. I gain as much if not more from the opportunity to reach out and lend support and ideas for you to get through the challenges. You are one strong lady and mama bear and you will come out on top. Thank you for your kind thoughts and support in return.

Sara.
Your vote of confidence gives me strength. You have been one of the most amazing examples of taking the DB bull by the horns and wrestling him like a true champ. I pray for you and your family each day and am rooting for you with all my heart. Keep at it. You are truly winning the day and will conquer the challenge.

bigybiz, thank you for your upbeat can do it attitude. It shines through every time I read you. Your prayerful consideration for so many here is a huge resource both for you and each of us.
Unfortunately I did not gather much in the way of second level support. I'm gonna need to strike out from scratch, but maybe that is what is meant for me. Folks that can see me for who I am now and accept me and be there on my continued journey of progress.

Cadet, I agree wholeheartedly. First priority is to take care of oneself first.
Physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
How much sweeter the human interactions on this planet would be, if everyone applied this rule as a priority in life.

Mach1

So you have determined that we have met ?

I'm thinkin that we are pretty similar in that regard...downright scary similar in fact...

I recharge from the inside out, I NEED, not want, quiet time with myself.

Trouble is,at times, I also crave the "noise"...


Maybe look at validation ....( I know what worked for me)

What areas do you NEED validation, WANT validation, CRAVE validation...

HOW do you validate, and how do you feel validated


???

Need. Not want. Quiet time.
Now that is stating what I have so unsuccessfully tried to explain to the STBX for years.
Now it simply feels like a curse.
In my mind I see myself in social settings and it is exciting. I crave the thought of doing it. I am even pumped up until the point of actually doing it. Then as soon as I step into the setting, BAM!, then the energy in me feels like it is sucked clean out of me and then I feel uncomfortable. Then it is only a matter of time before I feel the need to step away and I feel drained.

But, if it is a small setting with just a couple of people. I do fine. But afterwards I do need some alone time to recharge.

I am seeking out knowledge and reasons for this and the first good news, is it is not a curse and it is more common than I would have thought.

So now to break a lifetime of poor habits and an opportunity to create some new ones.
Maybe...just maybe I can enhance my " social conditioning", same as I have with my physical conditioning over the past couple of years.

Mach, would you explain a bit what you mean when you ask what I think my need for validation is? I think I understand the question, but I maybe overthinking it.

It's like an out of body experience...

Find the vision of who you are, and are working toward becoming, and let that guide you...

Being brutally honest with yourself will help you see past OPS. You will inventory what baggage is yours, and what isn't yours...

It will also help you detach from the other crazy in your life. Let her carry her own luggage, while you carry your own.....

Be honest with yourself about your goals, and HOW you are trying to achieve them...

And try NOT to borrow trouble from the future...

Especially if it isn't yours....

Yes. I agree completely with this point.
Focused on me and my goals.
Sorting out the why of it all, for me.

I am getting better at leaving the future be and blocking out the thoughts of trouble that it only may contain.
I choose not to pay the price for any trouble but one time.
If and when it happens.

You do what is right for you.

I will always fight for the integrity of these boards...

Because of what they did for me...

I've been here for almost 9 years. Not because I needed to be...

Because I don't feel that I can ever repay enough back to them...

This is of sound and pure intent.
I like the thought of following suit.
For now, I have much more to learn and endure, and I will look to pay it forward in relationship to my progress and experience.

Including yourself....please don't forget that...

Point well taken.

Quote guy huh ?

How about.....

God gives you exactly the problems that you need, in order to fix yourself....


That work ?

Yup. Quotes are my way of trying to feed my brain the new programming it needs to understand and believe the new story that is being written.

And yes, God is giving me exactly what is needed to fix myself and be prepared for that which is still to come.

Another quote that I am implementing is,
"Not praying for it to be easy. But pray to have the strength to get through it."

I will check the social site.
I do like lines.
And will be sure to read between.

Well, I better be signing off as I have a big day tomorrow as I have a princess that will be celebrated and she will be getting the royal treatment of the best 6th birthday the little lady could ever have.
It will be a great day.