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Cherry,

Zoo and the City. Is that the one where Sarah Jessica Parker pukes in the bushes?? Oh dear, you must be feeling rough, sorry I just had to put something a bit amusing on your post (even though bad taste - sorry)!

The flashbacks are hard. Had them a lot, they take a while but they do go. It becomes more of a "'oh yeah' I remember that" - in a nice way, a bit sad but not horrid like it probably is now. So that will pass - it if it has to.

I am trying to get myself into a place where either way (together or apart) I am happy. I have to be honest with you Cherry this takes time and being apart is the one thing that helps. No contact. But if you keep seeing him, then you will have the constant reminder. Any if you are only getting spew its doubly hard. I feel so sorry for you on this point in particular. I remember this part keenly and I know how you feel - when I was living in the same house, separate rooms for over 2 years - it hurt. She looked like she was mentally ill, I felt like I was. It was horrendous. However, it does get better. You will feel better and you will be happy again with or without him. Stay on track.

Surfer.


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Originally Posted By: Surfer


Cherry, I can not tell you how hot my p!55 boils with this. What they hell you need to say?? This would get me right out of the fog!!! Surely..I am so cross at this.
Surfer.


Cherry, I think Surfer very eloquently described how most of the men reading your story feel about this. But, to you Surfer, you are not in the fog, so easy to say this would wake you up. I know you were venting and know you comprehend that either the WH/WW will wake up or they won't - we have no say in it.

Sad for them though, one day all of our kids will grow up. And they will learn truth on their own. And the WH/WW will have to pay their tab.


"There is no more important fight than the one for ourselves. Keep on winning." Ginger1, Read her newbies.
BD: Feb '16
D: Mar '17
Piecing: Putting the self back together was my piecing.
S6


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Surfer, a little humour is always welcomed. I try to still have a laugh in a day. I have my amusing S who always makes me smile, and a wonderful family and friends and my mil thinks of me as her own child- and I think of her as a mother, so we hold one another up. I guess she's going through her own depression of both loosing her only blood relative (it's always been the two of them) and being absolutely disgusted in his behaviour as he's turned the opposite from all the values and love that she poured into him.

I guess they will ease in time, it's just a case of when you go to that place for the first time. And like you say the constant contact one way or another, hearing him creep round the house in the early hours etc. It does make it difficult. I thought I had been doing well. I guess I am from what I was, I don't cry very often. Even in my last pregnancy with an amazing loving h, there where times when the raging hormones got to me.

Treated myself to a few nice homely bits for my room, and some nice clothes which will hopefully grow with me or fit for a little while longer (I was really lucky last pregnancy and still fit in my normal jeans the majority of the pregnancy). I have my 12 week sonogram this week, so God willing all will go okay and I can announce my pregnancy. I don't know if wh will be there. Last week he told me he would "try to get the time off" and to "not take it personally or that he is doing it out of spite" if he can't be there, and to "tell him when my appointments are coming up". At the end of the day? If he isn't there, he is only really doing himself over, as he is missing these precious moments. He did admit that he finds it hard to accept that I'm pregnant as its "not the right time". Doesn't change my way of thinking though, although not the ideal time, this baby is very much wanted in my eyes and will be loved regardless of if he tags along to this or not.

And just as a higher note surfer with regards to turning straight people, I actually had an openly gay friend, who actually told me he was very confused as he thought he had fallen in love with me. I shall take that as an absolute compliment smile

All in all, glad I went out and enjoyed the majority of the day. I will keep pushing through this pain and hopefully come out smiling. It's just a little hard to see when as a LBS we are in a little fog of our own and adjusting to this lifestyle that we never wanted.


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And with regards to waking him up from the fog. When his mum had words with him regarding this- he looked uncomfortable, but then usually always shrugs this off with "he will be fine". Lord knows if anything can or would break him from this fog.

All I know is that he seems a very disturbed individual right now and that it's a bit too toxic to have myself sucked into. He looks as though he would head for some kind of breakdown anytime soon, but who is to know. This is something he is going to discover all by himself


Me 26 H 25
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PA: 4/15
reconciling: 4/15
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Originally Posted By: Surfer
Originally Posted By: Zues126
Originally Posted By: Cherry
Ain't that the truth. I don't think it is possible to ever not care about the mother/father of your child. We're always connected to them, and to some degree, we will always be concerned.


You'd be surprised...


It's funny, I saw a show where a divorced couple was in the same hospital because their son was going through a life threatening surgery. They almost lost him but he ended up pulling through. The parents were so relieved they were hugging each other. I remembered thinking to myself I still don't think I'd have been able to hug XW. You never know though...


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I'm not sure. I mean, wh has this vision that we would be "great friends" and how he would never let anyone, even a new gf disrespect me (though he does it himself quite freely, and when ow chose to tell him to leave me and my son- that is disrespect too).

I don't know, I'd like to think that if this went ahead and happened that I would be able to be in a room with him, get a coffee with him. But I just don't know, I can't speak for how my future self would be.


Me 26 H 25
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BD: 1/15
EA: 2/15
PA: 4/15
reconciling: 4/15
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I woke up to hear an argument between wh and his mom. She was asking him why the d had to be done so quickly, she was talking but he hit anger and defensive quickly. Saying how "it's not for her to understand." "He is not going to waste or ruin anymore of his life(by being married to me)". And that "the divorce is going through as we speak", guessing he's suggesting he has filed. Who knows.

I know this is all very tiring. I have to bite my tongue from lashing out at him with a few things myself. He sounds like a stroppy teenager being told not to do something by his mom and getting aggressive.

It's sh!t like this that makes me unable to be friendly towards him. How could I be friends with such a disrespectful person. Why would I be friends with someone so hurtful.

I guess it probably will be easier when he is living elsewhere so I won't have to hear his constant spew and disrespect towards me.


Me 26 H 25
M 4
T 5
Baby born 4/14
BD: 1/15
EA: 2/15
PA: 4/15
reconciling: 4/15
ILYBINILWY- 11/15
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I wonder if you could show him that article about the way the brain works in this mode. WH actually found it interesting. I think they sometimes wonder about themselves, too.

If you Google divorce trap, the article is a little below Michele's, it's a psychologist named Jim Hurt and the header also says 'relief divorce'.


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Jim Hutt, not Hurt.


M 16 yrs, WH62, P54
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EA 11/13, BD1 6/14
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I'll have a look at that, thank you. I doubt he would do any kind of reading. Everything he seems to see as a bid to get him back and lashes out. If I'd of heard him refer to remaining married to me as ruining his life, to my face, I think he would now be nursing a broken nose. He's like a teenage brat now lashing out and spewing at everyone.


Me 26 H 25
M 4
T 5
Baby born 4/14
BD: 1/15
EA: 2/15
PA: 4/15
reconciling: 4/15
ILYBINILWY- 11/15
ILY-1/16
ILYBNILWY 4/16
ILY 6/16
ILYBINILWY 6/16
Baby due 3/17
BD 8/16
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