Cherry, h is filing. Working on me

[Cherry]

Thanks It0402, I guess it's just one of those down days today. Everyone always says when physical health isn't too great that it affects the rest of you. I'm hoping as I'm very almost in the second trimester that the sickness will begin to improve soon, then I can crack on with having that beautiful pregnancy glow (I wish!)

I certainly feel like my head is down and in trying to push through this storm. Maybe I'm just trying to juggle a bit too much on my own right now.

[Coly23]

((Cherry)), you poor thing. Give yoursef a break from being superwoman and just concentrate on getting through each day doing the minimum of looking after yourself and your S. Everything else can wait. I do hope you start to feel better soon. Did your H notice test you aren't very well?

In-house seperation is so tough I know I couldn't do it. It was bad enough sleeping in the same bed as my H knowing he didn't want to be with me.

I think it's the hardest thing to do acting 'as if'. I consider that I am a good actress (always fancied being on the stage), but I swear every time my H comes over I get stage fright and the scared rabbit in headlights character comes out instead of the confident friendly neighbour! Exit stage right ... (sigh).

[Cherry]

He is not in the slightest bit bothered. He dropped me off at the hospital a few weeks ago when I was going to an admission for hyperemsis, and that's when he told me he wanted a d. He knows it's being managed by meds and the hospital, and he hears me frequently being sick but doesn't seem at all bothered, doesn't offer to help, just goes about his own selfish agenda.

They have a good knack of doing that to us. Some days I manage to nail it, often when I am busy. But I guess on days like this, I just really can't be bothered, I want to curl up in bed and be left alone.

It can be difficult, it's easier when he isn't in, but then even that at times can get you thinking.

[Elly4]

Oh Cherry, I"m sorry your day isn't going well. You know that I understand how it feels with the in house separation. It's okay that some days you feel like you're just pushing through. I try to remind myself of a song from an old Christmas video...

"Just put one foot in front of the other, and soon you'll be walking out the door...just put one foot in front of the other."

Somedays that's all we can do.

Sending you many hugs and prayers and hoping that the nausea wears off soon. It's the worse.

E

[Zues126]

What Elly said.

This road is so hard, and your road is harder than most. I'm so sorry Cherry. I don't know if talking about how hard it is helps by letting you know we understand, or makes it worse by breaking the bad news. The sad fact is that things are just never the same. So much is lost.

But, and maybe I've shared this with you before...I'm in a weird land, where while my life is more shattered and overwhelmed and full of pain than ever before, I'm also doing better than I did before.

It's like there are two separate things- how full your life is, and how much appreciation you have for what's in your life. Well, before, I had a pretty full life, but I took it for granted. I saw the differences between what I had and what I wanted. I wanted a little more. I was upset a lot at why my marriage wasn't better, or problems at work, or whatever. After BD that changed. My life seemed so shattered, so empty, the losses of belief in the world, belief in love, belief that I'd ever have anything I wanted in my life, inability to support my family due to court process, lost access to my children, and so, so, so much more...it was so much it felt that there was nothing left for me in my life. But then it flip flopped. When I had the least, suddenly I learned to shift my focus from what I wanted to what I did have. For survival reasons I was FORCED to meditate more and more on what I did have.

And what I focused on expanded. It really did. I'm more appreciative than ever before, I strengthened that muscle.

So both are true. My life is more broken and crippled now than it has ever been, I have more problems than I ever have, I am grieving and torn up to my soul...yet I am also doing better, and feel better, and appreciate what I have more.

It's freaking weird.

Anyway, that's my 'secret' that isn't so secret. While your loss and pain is greater than anything you've seen before, and while it will continue for a long, long, long, long, long time...hopefully you will feel the same experience and be shown the blessing of finding peace in the middle of a heartbreaking situation. That is what I wish for you Cherry.

[CT1118]

Cherry,

I read your threads, but do not often (if I have?) comment on them. So...full disclosure. I wonder if when women read the threads form the men here, are the disgusted by the women or do they relate? I would not know unless they comment. And, I do suppose it could work as: when some women read the threads from men here, are they disgusted by the men?

It may seem like low hanging fruit to say that I read your thread and the story of your man disgusts me. But in all honesty, that is not fair to you or him. You are just doing what I am doing and he is in some ways going through what my W is going through. Your story has added sensationalism b/c of your pregnancy. Please know, I am speaking matter of fact, not coldly right now.

That said, my WW has a BFF. One of a few, but this BFF as I have come to find out is the only one my WW confided in and who supported her in the A. Coincidentally, this BFF worked w/ a guy whom she became the OW to in his M. And.....his W was at home preggo w/ twins while he was hooking it up on the side. FWIW, my WW was highly critical of her at the time and it jeopardized their BFF status. Yet the moment my W went WW, back to pinky shakes and pom pom 's .

I met the dude once. I met him before I was LBS, and after he married his OW who was my W's BFF supposedly. He and I had a very verbal and public exchange of dislike which our respective women had to intervene with. He was a complete narcissist, which I called him out on, e.g. my W's BFF introduced us, I put my hand out for shaking, and he said " one second, my golf scores are being posted" and then he looked down at his cell. To which I said, "had you cared that much for your twins, we may not be speaking right now". You can imagine from here.

I don't think anything I have said just now helps, but I am trying to express I empathize. I'll keep following, but I think your H is low....I do hope one day you post a glorious self victory and that is looks like what feels right for you and that beautiful baby to be.

[Surfer]

Cherry,

I think Zeus is right. Some will totally detach and not give a sh!t. I would be capable of that I think....which is worrying.

Surfer.

[Surfer]

Ain't that the truth. I don't think it is possible to ever not care about the mother/father of your child. We're always connected to them, and to some degree, we will always be concerned.

You'd be surprised...

[Cherry]

Guys I thank you all for your support, even if it's to let me know you understand this pain, it's nice to speak honestly to people.

CT, welcome I'll be honest, I'm rather gender neutral when I read these posts. Some of the things the wh &ww's make me wonder what is happening to humanity in general.

Today I got up to take s on a day out with my parents. Off to the zoo and the city. I did try my best to smile and have fun (while being sick in the bush). But those stabbing horrible feelings of memories of my and h going there before we were married, holding hands and kissing. It's like one of those painful flashback scenes from a movie, like a car crash. With me closing my eyes tighter to shut it out.

I haven't seen him, and I doubt I will today, by the time we get back he will most probably of gone out for the evening. I'm getting by but the pain is strong the past couple days. I think reality has set in to my head that he had really gone this time.

[Surfer]

"What bothers me more is my toddler waking up in the night in hysterics saying "daddy's gone". This is becoming more of a frequent occurrence. But it can't be mentioned to wh, as it is just met with "he's fine"."

Cherry, I can not tell you how hot my p!55 boils with this. What they hell you need to say?? This would get me right out of the fog!!! Surely..I am so cross at this.

Keep it up - there are times when you cope with this stuff that people really feel for you. You are doing a great job. My god you are even almost "turning" straight people


Surfer.