Lou - So happy to hear all the hope in your post balanced with patience and topped with dose of living in the moment.
If one can get that second chance I firmly believe the only way it can work is to refuse to look back. It is essential to live in the moment. This must be extremely difficult but I can't imagine any other approach that will be successful. Let it go - every single thing because you must rebuild something new. Obviously there was shame and hurt but unconditional love and boundaries based on present behavior and agreements is the ONLY path to a new future.
I am envious and so excited for you Lou. Mostly excited - like 99% excited --- my situation and geographical distance works against any chance of communicating. The opposite of hate is indifference and the obsession of ghosting and discarding your family - H has compartmentalized to the point of his old life never being real. H left everyone and everything.
Ok sorry to hijack - actually 99.9% excited. Live well and love in the moment amazing Lou. Best of luck my friend and lots of prayers being sent to you and your H.
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
How are things coming along? Did you find a place to live yet? If so, when do you get to move in? How is your health doing these days?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I don't know where to start with this post, its a bit a of a mashup of a couple of topics.
Job - thank you for your inquiry after how this are going in my world, this week has seen a lot of love come my way from the board and I am truly humbled.
Unfortunately I still have not found us a house, its been a stress that I really dont need. This week I managed to get on the list to view two properties, that's all, all the others I did not even get through the door! The first we were turned down, it went to a young family as the landlord felt a family are a longer term prospect and the second did not have an enclosed garden so our dogs would not have anywhere to contain them during the day. We are now 2 1/2 weeks to h arriving, so this weekend we will be discussing Plan B, which is to move elsewhere. We have chosen a location, so now need to work out if the whole thing is doable.
Health - nothing has changed, my last Tsh level was 7.2, and still my dr feels that it is not high enough to start replacement yet, he wants to see it at 10. My next blood test is not until January 2017 now, so its plod along and put up with it. Hands and knees are stiff and painful, especially after a busy day at work, the repetitive activity of opening boxes and climbing ladders has taken it toll on my body. My fingers and arms are covered in cardboard cuts, it looks like I have been attacked by a cat lol. Mentally, tired, but I do know I have a lot going on with my job, study, the move and h being back in my life, so it is to be expected - I know something has to give soon, otherwise I will be doing lots of things badly instead of a few things well.
Study - that has fallen behind, although I am still ahead as I got my last assignment in early. I have until 22nd September to get the next in, so this weekend I want to try and do a big portion of it to get me ahead again.
Work - I know I have to leave, its not doing me any good and I need a break from it. My hours would mean doing the opposite shift to h so we would be ships in the night, which is not ideal. He has voiced it, but in a way that he is respecting that this is my job and I need to give it up for me, not for him, and he will support me whatever I decide to do. I have saved enough now to have about 3 months off, it will give me enough breathing space to have some downtime and find something else a bit more suitable. I don't know what stops me from handing in my resignation .........
This next bit I feel I need to write because I want others to know that just because my h is moving back in with me, does not mean it is all roses and fluffy clouds. I do feel guilty writing about my situation sometimes, for many here it is an enviable position I am in, I have been given the gift of possible reconciliation with my h, but I do feel guilt at "why me?". I also feel bad moaning about it, to write that I have doubts and fears, seems like I am not grateful of this chance I have been given. I feel that I have moved forwards and rebuilt enough of my life that I would have been fine if he had not returned, I did not expect him to, I even got to the point of asking myself "do I want him too?". I also feel pressure, pressure to get this right, to make it work, to not mess this up now - for myself, for h, for my family and friend, for you guys here.
So here it is - I am not totally convinced that h feels the way about me that he says he does, how can he possibly know, how can only a couple of months ago I was "friend zone" and now I am the love of his life, can't imagine it without me in it? Jump in with two feet and have faith that it will all fall into place - that is what he says. Because I feel the way I do, I am reserved in the decisions I am making regarding the move, always coming up with a backup plan in my head should things not work out. I know this is normal to feel this way, he committed to me forever once before and look how that turned out, so to have these doubts and fears are understandable, what concerns me is that they may affect the relationship as we move forward if I am not more open and trusting towards him.
Don't get me wrong, I am looking forward to having him around again, we click together and the connection is undeniable. I know that its time that I need to give this and just enjoy the ride and stop worrying about us getting to the destination.
So this is what has been going on with my world and in my head this week. Feel like total head explosion at times !!
Love and hugs to all of you, to know you are here for me is worth more than words can say. So thank you. xoxo
I am popping back up after being away for a long time because I have always wanted to repay what I received but I was in school and, because of H's job/hours, basically a single parent even though we reconciled.
I was the WAS, I had an A and for a couple of years we tried to R but it wasn't working. For all of you with a WAS, I can tell you know that always being there for them doesn't work. Yes, be nice, be friendly, but DON'T be there every time they need you, every time they text, every time they call,etc.
You are reconciling but you have a right to be anxious, not positive of how it will all go, etc. I don't know your history prior to these last 4 pages, I don't know if there was an A or what led to the breakdown but I do know this - trust your gut when it finally comes to R. Initially everything goes against what your gut says but now, moving back in, trust it. There comes a point in time where you have to let the past go and move forward. The biggest issue in our initial R was that my H couldn't let go of the past - understanbly so but if you truly want to move forward you have to take the chance. You took a chance when you first met but you just didn't realize it because in the beginning nobody expects anything to go wrong.
M 46 H 44 D 12 S 8 M 9 T 11 BD 2/15/13 "Makes sense to stay together" 5/12/13 Agree we are 'healing' 7/13 Definitely Piecing 9/13
