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#2698983 08/23/16 01:08 PM
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A link to when I still had hope

I was a fool for thinking there was any way I could get this marriage to work. I just got back from court and I feel like I’m a criminal. I knew I was going to get screwed by the court because I make more money than my wife and she says she can’t work. She came into court without her pain medication so she was in obvious pain and I know the judge (a woman) took some pity on her.

The court also thinks I lied on my financial declaration because my yearly gross doesn’t match my monthly gross. I tried to explain to my L (the judge wouldn’t let me speak) why the discrepancy. My L didn’t explain it clearly enough and the Judge already seemed to have made up her mind anyway. The discrepancy in my pay was for work I did in November and December of last year and after countless payroll screw ups I got a lump sum in January. It’s not money I can count on but somehow the judge thinks I was hiding that money. My W can now live in luxury while I’m stuck holding the bag for everything. My W can quit her meager job and still be very comfortable while everything I’ve worked for over the years is gone. I cannot even continue to pay for my IC. I cannot afford to pay my credit card bills and I will have to sell my house ASAP to get out from under the mortgage.

The reason I know my M is over is how vindictive my W is. She used EVERYTHING against me. The letter I wrote to her after she left me she submitted in her affidavit. Even the apology letter my DB coach suggested I send to her she used in her affidavit about how I admitted I was wrong about our relationship.

It seems all my DB actions have backfired. It seems my W’s actions were extremely manipulative. I loved my W dearly, but after what happened today I cannot see a future together. I can't understand how she would go for the jugular like she did and how the judicial system ate it up. I could go on about crushed I feel, but I just don’t have it in me.

The way I feel now I can understand how people give up on life after dealing with a blow like this. I’ve never thought of hitting a woman, but I know for a fact if I saw her right now I would be thrown in jail because there is no telling what I would do to her. Being civil and cordial, working on GAL...she used it all against me.

My W even had the gall to say how nice I looked before we walked into the courtroom. She knew I was about to get slaughtered.

I just do not understand a judicial system that allows one party to lose half their money and still be required to pay everything when the other party doesn't have to lift a finger to do anything and still get half, and since I'm also ordered to pay my W's attorney fees I can't even afford to get vindictive on her. I have to take it up the rear and be happy about it.


M 55 W 52
MR 32 T 34+
D29
BD May 8, 2016 - She moved out
ILYBNILWY May 15 (Through email)
No EA/PA
August 23 - DB used against me in every way
Divorce July 18, 2017 - Life is getting better every day
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,746
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RDS I'm so so sorry to read this! It's not right at all! And it's certainly not fair that all you have worked towards financially is just going to fund her and her lifestyle.

I agree, seeing the new levels of evil that we never thought that they have can really be an eye opener. Though it really doesn't help with the hurt and betrayal.

I've not much to say, except sending some love your way


Me 26 H 25
M 4
T 5
Baby born 4/14
BD: 1/15
EA: 2/15
PA: 4/15
reconciling: 4/15
ILYBINILWY- 11/15
ILY-1/16
ILYBNILWY 4/16
ILY 6/16
ILYBINILWY 6/16
Baby due 3/17
BD 8/16
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Posts: 293
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Thanks Cherry. I'm still so numb. I've been on the phone the last couple of hours cancelling so many things that are on auto pay trying to come up with the money to pay my W.

I feel like such a fool for opening up to her and trying to work everything out and all along she was using everything against me.


M 55 W 52
MR 32 T 34+
D29
BD May 8, 2016 - She moved out
ILYBNILWY May 15 (Through email)
No EA/PA
August 23 - DB used against me in every way
Divorce July 18, 2017 - Life is getting better every day
Joined: Jul 2016
Posts: 1,387
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oh man!!!

What did your L say about the outcome? Seems to me he dropped the ball if the outcome was so far off your expectations.


Me: 50, MLC/WW 45
Young kids
Nov 2015: BD1
Apr 2016: BD2
Jan 2017: W filed
Feb 2017: D final
Joined: Jul 2016
Posts: 1,387
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p.s. There must be a way to appeal, if there were technical errors, e.g., if they did not properly account for your January lump sum income.


Me: 50, MLC/WW 45
Young kids
Nov 2015: BD1
Apr 2016: BD2
Jan 2017: W filed
Feb 2017: D final
Joined: Aug 2016
Posts: 30
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Dear RDS,
So sorry things did not go as expected. My husband and I spoke about doing cooperative divorce, I don't know where you are in your proceedings but our understanding is that this is a lot less expensive. We don't want to spend a bunch of money on attorneys.


W-57,H-55
Married-32 years
3 kids S-30,S-28,D-25
EA / PA ? June 2015
Walked out ,moved in with OW 10/2015
moves back 1/2016
still in love with OW and moves out July 2016
Joined: May 2016
Posts: 293
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Originally Posted By: ForGump
p.s. There must be a way to appeal, if there were technical errors, e.g., if they did not properly account for your January lump sum income.


The hearing today was for temporary spousal support. It's only good for 90 days and then we go to mediation (which naturally I have to pay). During mediation we will hash out all the details of the divorce payments. I expect the harsh payments to be alleviated somewhat then because I will have letters and other legal stuff backing me up, but since I'm required to pay my W's L fees I cannot afford to drag this out as I will in high probability be required to pay all attorney fees.

Seriously, my best option is to delay paying my credit card bills and after the mediation is final I will declare bankruptcy. I can't claim bankruptcy before then because the extra money I will have can be used against me as extra income. It's a stupid way of doing things, but it may be all I have.

My biggest burn is my W using all my goodwill against me. I mean ALL my DB'ing was put in her affidavit. I'm not sure if it swayed the judge, but just knowing my good work for myself my W thought she could use against me to prove how bad I was.

At one point I hurt deeply knowing my wife was destitute, now nothing would make me feel better than watch her break her neck in a freak accident.


M 55 W 52
MR 32 T 34+
D29
BD May 8, 2016 - She moved out
ILYBNILWY May 15 (Through email)
No EA/PA
August 23 - DB used against me in every way
Divorce July 18, 2017 - Life is getting better every day
Joined: May 2016
Posts: 293
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RDS Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: Luv1589
Dear RDS,
So sorry things did not go as expected. My husband and I spoke about doing cooperative divorce, I don't know where you are in your proceedings but our understanding is that this is a lot less expensive. We don't want to spend a bunch of money on attorneys.


My W said the same thing, and then she still came out with a L to screw me.

Protect yourself is all I can say.


M 55 W 52
MR 32 T 34+
D29
BD May 8, 2016 - She moved out
ILYBNILWY May 15 (Through email)
No EA/PA
August 23 - DB used against me in every way
Divorce July 18, 2017 - Life is getting better every day
Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 700
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Posts: 700
That totally [censored]!!!!! I'm sorry RDS!!!


W:42 M:48
T:9 yrs M:1yr
BD: Feb 2016
EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016
D: Feb 2017

Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 700
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Posts: 700
Ooops sorry I didn't know s@cks was a censored word


W:42 M:48
T:9 yrs M:1yr
BD: Feb 2016
EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016
D: Feb 2017

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