You didn't answer my questions from my previous post. You have a habit of ignoring things that you don't want to acknowledge.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
"in no way I want my wife or any other woman in my house ever again."
If you make this your goal, fine. But you're not going to be attracting anything good from it. Personally, I don't think you should close yourself off. It's important for your kids to see what a healthy relationship is like so they can carry it on to their own experiences. It's the perpetuation of there not being any good examples of healthy relationships that continues the cycle of D.
"Reconciliation to me means being friendly enough without having to go to court for every little thing, that's all I want."
Really? I thought you wanted your M again.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Not sure if it is your intention, but pointing out who you will take advice from is sort of arrogant.
Quote:
I see that you have been here for a while.
Doesn't really mean a lot. Mr.Bond's advice was just as good with only a year here and only a couple hundred posts. Pretty much anyone in MLC has good advice.
Quote:
One thing I can't stand if people start to calling me names
Haven't read all your threads so, not sure what or where this is in reference too. It is counter productive around here.
Quote:
or advices me to "move on" and start looking for a girlfriend. I don't need that kind of negativity.
You're right you don't need that. Going out on alimb here, is this your friend or your dad? Fairly certain you didn't get that advice in MLC, maybe Newcomers? I sort of doubt that too...but you're right bad advice.
If it is your friend or dad tell them to back off on that subject. Friends and family tend not to want to see you hurt or hurting and give bad advice in that regard.
So you're willing to take my advice? Awesome...
When I need advice I talk to Mach and cat...both who have posted here.
IF you don't like someones advice don't respond.
Everyone here has or is going through what you are going through, some are much closer to it than others and their advice is critical because they will understand and can relate better...those posters are the ones who don't have a big post count nor have "been here for awhile."
Experience is one thing, but being in the trenches is another. Everyone here has the experience you currently lack.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Didn't your wife assist you in the building of your business? Since she's in the work force, didn't she have family health insurance, which included you as a spouse? Did she provide some funds to help establish the business and help pay the house and utility payments while you were a stay at home husband? Didn't she provide support and encouragement to you during the start up of the business?
Do have any hobbies that you've put on the back burner? Are there things that you would like to do once things settle down and I don't mean your entire focus on the business. You have to have some down time or you will burn yourself out very quickly.
She didn't assist in the building of the business. We had health insurance through her employer, now I have my own. Yes, she did help financially with the utilities while we were married. She didn't provide support or encouragement in the building of the business. Not really, I only want to focus on the business.
"in no way I want my wife or any other woman in my house ever again."
If you make this your goal, fine. But you're not going to be attracting anything good from it. Personally, I don't think you should close yourself off. It's important for your kids to see what a healthy relationship is like so they can carry it on to their own experiences. It's the perpetuation of there not being any good examples of healthy relationships that continues the cycle of D.
"Reconciliation to me means being friendly enough without having to go to court for every little thing, that's all I want."
Really? I thought you wanted your M again.
I would like to try LAT (living apart together) where we live separately and occasionally we do things together with the kids. Living together was a problem for my wife, she didn't feel free to regulate the temperature of the room, to decorate the way she wanted, to have her space, to watch TV etc...and I don't want her to feel like we have to compromise everything and lose our individualism.
MrBond, My legal marriage is over. I want to save the relationship, I want a better one that we had before where we both make positive changes emotionally, mentally and physically. I am making positive changes right now. I doubt my wife is making any, but maybe she will at some point. I can only wait and hope.
" I doubt my wife is making any, but maybe she will at some point. I can only wait and hope."
This is more control on your part. She is changing and has changed. Even if they are changes you don't believe in, they are changes that are important to her. You have to respect that. And if you want to salvage your R, you have to learn about them. Say, for example, she's going out every night. Maybe she didn't get a chance to do that before and now wants to give it a go. Maybe she never went to the gym before but now works out like crazy. That's become a part of her. Acceptance of the positive behavior, not the bad will help you to see the kind of woman she feels she wants to be.
This has nothing to do with you. This is what's important to her.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
MrBond, I haven't talked to her in 7 months because there is a restraining order in place that will expire in January unless she extends it. I have no clue what she is doing and I think this is going to be a long road, probably 5 years just like yours.
